Dear Y,
A few months ago a met a geek. I was totally excited cause he was into all the same things: movies, video games, sci-fi, staying in rather than going out, he had a toy collection, light sabers, Star Wars, all that stuff. And he was actually funny and cute. He was the closest I’d met to someone I could actually see myself in a relationship in like 3 years.
But then he told me he had no sex drive (and I saw his tiny tiny child sized bed… total turn-off). I broke things off because I have a healthy drive and I just foresaw problems down the road… which I’m still certain I was right about.
But now I’m concerned that all geeks are going to be this way. Are all geek men grown virgins and perpetually twelve years old if they’re that much into toys and movies and video games? Should I look for a different breed or just resign myself to a sexless marriage with someone who’s otherwise a perfect fit?
– Frustrated Geek Girl
y answers:
Dear FGG,
Let me begin by stressing this most important point: NEVER give up your hopes of finding your perfect geek! It is safe to say your encounter with Geek Placid is one that is a once in a lifetime fluke. Ask any girl out there and they’ll all agree! Everybody has met the “otherwise perfect.” Don’t let one unfortunate encounter discourage you. There are plenty of geeks in the sea!
Just take a look at the facts. Geeks are the same boys that grew up having crushes on you in school. They went to the science fair with the largest collection of bugs in hopes of impressing you. They offered up their homework-completing skills without being asked, just to see you smile and maybe score a hug. They are the guys that have always been on the receiving end of the line: “Thanks, you’re such a great FRIEND.” Is it any wonder that many of them believe that nice guys finish last?
This adds up to complete sexual frustration!
This means geek guys are – 9 times out of 10 – sex EXPERTS. They’ve probably had enough time to read every book and website about sexual technique and watched every “educational video” about how to please a woman! Though you may meet the occasional virgin, don’t be worried! I guarantee, even if it’s “fresh out of the box” he won’t need tech support.
So get back out there… and happy test driving!
- y
About Sometimes Y
Even the virgin geek guys are often sex experts in regards to knowledge but not experience, due to extensive ‘research’. I know I was.
Otherwise this post is 100% spot-on!
Great to see you back, y! I’m looking forward to reading more of your articles here on GDG.
I will echo what adamjford said – that geeky guys are often lacking in hands-on experience. But there’s certainly no lack of interest on their part.
Finally, I may be totally off base with this one, but I’m of the impression that this is a more common problem in the other direction – ladies who make great geek friends and companions but are not that interested in sex.
Ha ha ha! All these gagging geeks and we can’t even get our uglies bumped? It’s as if the world is conspiring against us!
I wasn’t aware this was a problem for geek men… I’ve been told my drive is a little too excessive for my GF’s tastes.
If I can say, I think I’ve got normal to high sex drive, I just don’t have the confidence to get girls into bed.
It is said that a virgin wrote the Kama Sutra.
@ adamjford, I agree with you on that one as well, and if you refer to Roscoe’s post, I think we can all see why!!
@ mwalimu, thanks! It’s great to be back. To be honest I didn’t mean to be MIA for so long. Life just comes at ya, I guess…
@ JM, think about it this way: what have you got to lose?!?! Worst case scenario, you don’t get any. Best case scenario, you get a girlfriend with an active sex life to go with it!!
@y: well it’s more of i have a bit of anxiety when i try to talk to girls. i get nervous and my mind goes blank, so i can’t really talk coherently with girls.
LOL I, for one, think it’s very cute when a guy is so flabbergasted with my beauty that he is unable to speak coherently! You just have to work that into your favor! For example:
*JM enters restaurant, immediately spots hotness @ bar*
*JM walks over to bar, hotness turns to look @ JM*
JM: “Hi knotnoweebluuubgulp.”
*Hotness stares strangely @ JM”
*JM clears throat* “ahem! I’m sorry, I’m dumbfounded by your beauty. Let me try that again!”
Maybe it’s just me, but FGG sounds like she may’ve broken things off on the assumption that he wasn’t going to be able to keep up with her sexually, rather than any hard info. Not that, y’know, you should just sleep with someone to find that out, but it sounded like she might’ve gotten a little premature there. I’ve known plenty of geek guys who say they have no sex drive, when near as I could tell they just didn’t have an opportunity to explore it.
Speaking personally, a lot of my friends have a hard time noticing when I’m into someone if I’ve not been dating them for a while. I maintain eye contact during conversation, I’m not interested in sleeping with someone I don’t know, and I don’t have pin-ups on my walls or desktop. I view these aspects of myself as sexually mature, even if FGG views them as the opposite: the parts of a woman that arouse me most are the ones I discover in conversation, not in disrobing. Yeah, his bed may be tiny, but he may never have needed anything bigger.
Very well put, SkekSll! I have found that many geeks are simply overlooked in the process or written off as a contender completely. Interesting perspective on the subject! Although, I must point out that there aren’t that many people who have never gotten the opportunity to explore his/her sexuality. I suppose the age of FGG and her geek has a lot to do with it.
Perhaps I should’ve been specific, then.
Exploring it with someone ELSE, particularly in person rather than through cybering, isn’t necessarily a given for a geek, regardless of age. I work in an exceptionally geeky job, and know a few guys who are over 30 and still virgins. There’s still a stigma attached to that, so it’s pretty common for them to keep their kinks and tastes quiet.
Your 30 year old virgins are not a foreign species to me! I myself know of a couple and in these instances, they are not virgins completely without choice. This stigma seems to work both ways and they convince themselves that they can’t or shouldn’t unless it’s “the right girl” or she’ll freak and run.
From a girl’s perspective, I know for a fact, there’s a special breed of us who find this to be a very sexy trait in a guy: geek, virgin, nervous. Perhaps FGG simply is another brand of geek.