Dear Anon-O-Box,
I came across E’s articles on Dating Sites Reviews, and they have been very helpful to me. Thanks for sharing your insights online.
Before I cross the Rubicon into online dating, I’d sincerely appreciate your opinion. I’m temporarily stuck in a quagmire: I’m separated, but not divorced…yet.
Is there a glimmer of hope that I’ll be able to find some casual dating partners? Or, should I just top it all off by picking the username “ReddFlagg”?
Thanks in advance for any advice you can give.
- Mental Block or Road Block
e answers:
If you’d asked this question 5 or 10 years ago, the answer would be absolutely yes, separated-but-not-divorced is a huge red flag and would send the ladies running.
(Sadly, but good for you) it’s become the norm in our society for folks to have what’s quaintly being called a “starter marriage.” There are also couples who split up but stay married so one person can retain a good health insurance plan. (Don’t get me started on how much that says about the state of healthcare.) People separate but stay married for kids or businesses or other things, too.
As with other not-so-desirable traits, this is something that you shouldn’t draw attention to in your profile. Select your status as Separated. Write your profile about everything else in your life that’s amazing and worth dating.
If someone is concerned about the “whys” and “hows” of your separation, they’ll ask. Otherwise, it’s the same as the rule for exes that aren’t ex-spouses: the details should be on a need-to-know basis.
My only caveat is this: If you’re VERY recently separated, take some time for you. So often when we’re in a committed relationship (marriage or not), we merge ourselves with the other person body, mind, and soul… and it takes a bit of time to get untangled and remember who you are.
Doing so also helps eliminate the problem of choosing dates based on the “Not Like My Ex” criteria.
Best of luck in your dating adventures, geek friend.
About Anon-O-Box
I have a friend who met someone who has been separated for several months but is not yet divorced. They can’t get divorced for another year as they’ve not been married long enough yet. I think this is complex scenario for trying to date another yet.
As someone who has seen it, definitely don’t have a profile that reads ex, ex, ex, divorce, ex, separated, my ex, soon to be ex, ex, ex, looking now though! I also think it’s some great advice to wait until you’re in stale separation mode before you start looking.
If for no other reason, I can say from personal experience that before the 6 month mark of being separated from my ex, I really didn’t know what I wanted out of life, love and relationships at that point. Adjust to the major change you’ve just undergone first before plowing forward.
Rots o ruck Mr. A. O. Box, I’ve found that many women have a very fine tuned detector system for recently separated guys. You often get lumped into the scammers bin along with the married guys who claim they are separated. Another scenario is they’ll assume you are on the rebound and don’t want to be the guinea pig for your new dating experiment. The good news is each day you are separated gets you further away from the stigma of being a legally married man. Best of luck to you.