Virgin DM Monologues: It’s All Fun & Games Until Somebody Loses A Rogue

Welcome to the recap of the 24.5th session of my Eberron campaign, which took place on our Obsidian Portal forum on Monday, September 13th, 2010. When we last saw the party, they had been betrayed by Evan the rogue.  He’d taken up Toven d’Cannith’s offer of more money to steal the schemas, fake his death, and then meet up with him in Sharn for fun and profit.

Since this was a play-by-post, I’m going to show you the actual posts by the folks who wrote them.  If you get angered by lack of crunch and general hand-waving, this may not be the post for you. (Just sayin’!) Here goes…

DM (that’s me!):

We left the party standing at Lady Elaydren’s doorstep, only to realize that all but one piece of the schema had been stolen by Evan, who had slipped into the shadows.

Once the anger died down, Jelly took hold of the piece of schema Beatdown was carrying. Whispering a prayer to Arawai, she focused on the schema and the energy she and Ulvein had expended a few days earlier to restrain the entity known as Xulo. With a little help from Cyd, the energy formed into a thread that the party was able to follow it to the Blood of Vol temple.

The trail of energy leads straight to the back entrance to the temple, where Evan, thinking he’s hidden, is surrounded with a glowing energy that Jelly & Ulvein can easily see.

Fang, shifter cleric:

Fang accompanies the others as far as the perimeter to the Blood Vol temple.

In a gruff grumble, he tells the others, “I will not go in there as I would surely say or do something to cause even more trouble if we meet Blood worshipers in there. Thus, I will stand out here and keep guard in case someone else tries to go in or in case someone tries to escape. If Evan’s allegiance changed, he was no doubt fibbing about Toven’s death as there was no body when we caught up with him, and we do not know if he has had enough time to drop off these schemas you were protecting, and frankly no evidence as to how long he has been telling untruths to all of you…”

Brick, goliath warden:

Can I see Evan too? I have a tanglefoot bag which I think I would chuck at him to try to keep him in place, but if I can’t see him…


Jelly points out the corner where Evan is hiding and your hurl your Tanglefoot Bag at him, which not only immobilizes him, but causes him to lose concentration and become visible to everyone.

Beatdown, warforged fighter:

Beatdown Machine rushes Evan and attempts to knock him to the ground, then put his foot on top of the Rogue’s chest. The warforged growls. “You’d better still have the other schema, or you and your mother are going to regret it. Repeatedly.”

Jelly, half-elf cleric:

um… we attack him? (ps: is he alone? yeah, right)


Brick is confused by Evan’s actions, since he doesn’t see what good all the money will do, if the world is gonna end and all… And since he’s so good at stealing, as evidenced by us having no chance to keep him from doing that, even if we get the stuff back and give it to the right people, he’d prob just steal it back and then give it to the Emerald Claw again. So he can’t see how we can really let him go.


Evan (for the moment), is alone. He currently has Beatdown’s giant metal foot on his chest, pinning him to the ground.


I look around, to try to use Perception, to notice if there’s anyone else around. I feel like I have something in my abilities or possessions which has something to do with hiding or invisibility inhibition. I can’t imagine there’s no-one from The Claw here…


Jelly, you notice someone crouched behind an abandoned market cart who is hiding… poorly. It’s Toven d’Cannith, alive and well. And looking more than a bit nervous about the fact that Beatdown has his buddy pinned to the ground.

He notices you noticing him and squeaks, trying to run away.

(The Tanglefoot bag will give you a minute more of immobilizing, but then another couple minutes of Evan being slowed. Beatdown’s foot should also help.) ;-)

Evan, human rogue (aka, THE TRAITOR!):

Just a note: Don’t forget Evan can shadow teleport. So, unless they disarm him from his Ring of Shadow Travel or hold a really bright light on him, Beatdown’s foot (as well as immobilizing and slowed) really mean nothing (unless I’m missing something). If the chance arises, I want Evan to drop the schemas and shadow ‘port as far away as he can. He’d rather not die. He knows there is no way he could confront Beatdown or Brick on even ground, there would be no way he’d be able to take them both while visible.


She shouts out to the other party members about Wussy D’Lamefaker trying to run away. “Hey guys, if we give a hoot about this guy ratting us out to The Claw, we should try to stop him!”

Meanwhile, I don’t see any alternatives to killing Evan that aren’t worse for him and us both. For example, we could do something horrible to him to keep him from ever stealing again, but he’d probably just get healed, or get magical, and just become our mortal enemy for life, and a major pain in our rear ends.

(Jelly likes to see the bright side of outcomes, but it doesn’t mean she’s a softy.) I think things will all work out fine. For us. Not necessarily for Evan…

She politely points all this out to Evan.

Shadow Teleport? Really Bright Light? I think I have a power (newly acquired) that does pretty much just that. Something from my Paragon Path, I think…

I do that.


Evan, when you try to teleport, you find that you can’t. There appears to be some sort of warding around the temple…

Brick & Beatdown

(via Beatdown, since Brick’s player couldn’t get to OP on her work computer):

Brick is going to try and disarm Evan of all his stuff (I swear this is what he was going to do even before we were reminded of Evan’s ring- I have the chat log to prove it.)

Beatdown loads a forbiddance bolt into his shoulderbow- the one leftover after he tried to use one on the changeling. He presses down harder and hefts his massive axe. “I want the schemas. Whether you- and your mother, and any other family member of yours I happen to find, or anyone who just shares your first or last name- survives depends on how quickly you comply with this request. I’d rather fry d’Cannith, though I have the feeling that his house will pay us handsomely to find him later. Cannith is quite wealthy, and will offer a reward that I’m sure will far outstrip whatever he would give you. You cooperate, and then disappear forever, maybe you don’t share his fate as an alchemical experiment.”

Ulvein, drow warlock:

Though Ulvein barely understands anything that has been going on, only barely picking up the rudiments of the Khorvaire Common language and dealing with Brick’s crude translations, he contents himself to conjure a mass of shadowy spiders that crawl in a sinister fashion all over Evan and Toven.

(They are both cursed, which doesn’t do much but kinda tingles and the spiders are menacing looking. Twofold Curse feat FTW! :D)


Evan laughs. “Oh Jelly, I agree. The only way to truly be sure I would be no trouble to you is kill me. In that case, I have a proposition for you guys, well, Beatdown specifically. You and me, one on one. Obviously, if I am going to die, I’d rather die in battle. How about it, then? or are you so weak as you would kill an immobilized man? Is THAT the limit of your strength? Oh, if you are worried about me escaping, don’t. You outnumber me and I seem to be unable to teleport due this temple. So, what say you, Rusty? Oh, about my mother or any family I may or may not have, that would be great if you kill her. That was my intention all along, you know… or, are you really content on letting escape? If you really are and are really sure you want me running free, I’ll gladly take you up on the offer. I was planning on dropping the schemas and running anyway once I was found.”


Brick tears Evan’s clothes off (well, okay, not all his clothes) and rummages through his stuff, finding the schemas and creation pattern that he stole from the party.


Toven is attempting to sneak away… hoping you won’t notice. But he’s covered in spiders and quite noticeable.


“I don’t think he deserves to die in battle. He’s a sneaky bastard. If he had wanted to do confront us in the open, he wouldn’t have stolen the schemas, he would have fought us for them. Yeah, right.”

“You know you COULD kill him in battle, Beatdown (he’s on the list, right?) You don’t need to prove it. And after that last insult, I don’t know how you’re holding yourself back, frankly. ‘Rusty’ indeed!”

“I think you should just kill him.”


Beatdown seems a bit taken aback by Evan’s statement, and takes a few seconds to process (accompanied by a few clicks and whirrs.)

“You do know me well, attempting to challenge me and appeal to my sense of superiority. I calculate that there’s at least a 62.4% chance you would stand and fight, a 19.7% chance you would attempt to flee, and a variety of miscellaneous options comprising the other scenarios. In that 62.4%, there is a significant enough chance that you would win, in fact, one of the highest chances I have ever assessed in a meat creature. Much would depend on purely random factors.”

Beatdown looks over at Brick, to acknowledge that the schemas and pattern have been recovered. He looks back down at the rogue. “We often agreed that the mission and money were important, though you have chosen the money over the mission, whereas I must choose the mission over the money. You are no longer relevant to either.” Beatdown begins to relax his foot on the rogue’s chest, as if to start to let him go.

“The other thing we probably agreed on is that there’s no such thing as a fair fight.” Beatdown attempts to cut off Evan’s right arm.


I cast some damagy-thing. No reason I should be all talk and no action here.


Well, the only thing Evan can attempt to do is dodge the incoming blast from Jelly and at the same time, avoid Beatdown’s attack. Probably can’t do both, so if that’s the case Evan will take Jelly’s attack while attempting to avoid Beatdown’s arm cleaver. If he can escape from under Beatdown’s foot, he’ll attempt to do so.


Evan is currently on the ground, Beatdown bearing down on him to relieve him of his right arm. A column of light from Jelly’s spell slams into Evan, burning him.

Meanwhile, Toven starts to run.


Brick secures the schemas and pattern in his backpack, then rushes forward to try and kill Evan while yelling for Cyd and Ulvein to stop Toven.

Cyd, genasi wizard:

I’ll have been waiting outside, ready to stop anyone trying to escape. When Beatdown yells to me to stop Toven, I’ll get him in my sights and unleash a torrent of elemental magic.


Listening to the only person he can really understand (Brick), Ulvein encircles Toven with his Drow Darkfire and then hurls a Xen’drik boomerang glowing with arcane dark energy at his back.


Toven falls to the ground. “Go on, kill me. Burn my body so I’m unrecognizable. Hack off my limbs and scatter them around. And burn those, too. My arms are pretty recognizable.” He glances down at the dragonmark on his wrist. “Just make it quick, will ya? I’m too pretty to suffer…”


What kind of dragonmark is it?


It’s the Mark of Making from House Cannith. He is a dragonmark heir of the house… but a traitor, since he serves the Emerald Claw.


I stand guard over him but don’t kill him yet… I think we might gain more by turning him into House Cannith. Also, we might learn more about the Emerald Claw. If the rest of you think we’d be better off killing him, though, I can live with that.


I think we need to retain Toven alive. Clearly he doesn’t want his house to find out his traitorous associations. We’re certainly not going to make his body unrecognizable. House Cannith needs to know about him. They might want information from him.

Of course, there’s always a chance he’ll sweet-talk his way out of the mess he’s in with his house, and we’ll end up in trouble ourselves. I’m saying this to Beatdown and Brick, out of hearing of Toven. I don’t want Toven getting any fast-talking ideas. We’re over here pounding on Evan.

Arawai! I don’t relish this. Evan’s betrayal just makes me angry and sad. Let’s just get this over with, and deal with the schemas and Toven. Those schemas are nothing but trouble!


“I’m sorry it had to be this way Evan,” Brick says. “You were once a boon companion, but the fate of the world can’t rest in your untrustworthy hands…” Brick calls for the strength of the earth. Wicked stone spikes thrust up from the ground at the same time the great hammer comes down…


Beatdown’s metallic face scrunches into something resembling a frown. “Shoulda just let me take your arm.”

He walks over to Toven, and ignores anything the corrupt noble has to say, and knocks him out with one blow to the head. “Let’s take this piece of trash in. Between the forged letter and his presence here, we shouldn’t have difficulty convincing Cannith that he betrayed them. I want this business over with.”


Brick gives Beatdown the creation pattern and another one of the schemas to put into the bag of holding. Brick holds onto a few, in the hopes that the two can still trust each other…

…coming up on Tuesday, the most recent session of our campaign!

About e

Since 2008, E. Foley of Geek’s Dream Girl has been helping geeks from around the world find love. She writes amazing online dating profiles for her fellow geeks and guides them through the perilous waters of the dating scene and out the other side. She's totally proud to report that she's even caused a couple geek weddings! She lives in Maryland with DaveTheGame, her adorable cats, Mr. Peanut & Don Juan, and Titania, Queen of the Cocker Spaniels. (Email e, or follow @geeksdreamgirl on Twitter.)

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