Ask Y: To Fetish Or Not To Fetish

Dear Y,

I’m a straight male with a submission fetish. Ideally, I’d like to find a lady who’s willing to explore it with me, but it seems a bit tawdry to put on my OKCupid page, for example. Do I just need to roll the dice and wait to get to know my dates before asking them if they’d be cool with it? Or is there a way I can be more upfront about it without it being an utter turnoff?

- Fetish Guy

Dear Fetish Guy,

I’d like to begin by commending you on your ability to state your game and have no qualms with doing so. As progressed as our society has become, I fear we are still in a sexual dark age. While it is mostly frowned upon to parade around in full-body latex, wield a riding crop and punish a very bad boy for not saying “please mistress,” it is generally not seen as a terrible thing to have some sort of fetish. Particularly control based fetishes, which are fairly common. Believe me when I say: you are not alone!

It is the submissive that has the true power; for he is the one saying “dominate me.”

Writing an online profile is often a daunting task (believe us, we do it for a living). We recognize it is the first impression we make and are often afraid to scare people off by admitting something as “weird” as a fetish.

However, there’s nothing keeping you from making two first impressions. While I don’t believe that your fetish is too “tawdry” for OKCupid of all places, if you feel that you must keep this part of yourself separate, why not have a second profile? You could even make one without a photo, saying that you would gladly share it with a Domme who asks.

You can also seek out dating sites that are tailored to less “mainstream” tastes. There are plenty of adult dating sites, both national and regional, to choose from. I’ve been active on several and have made some good friends through them.

Whether or not you are upfront about your secret desires, there is always the risk that the relationship is not going to work out, even if you find your domina. Begin by asking yourself what it is you really want. If you just want to explore your fetish with no strings attached, then put it on your profile. If you want a lasting relationship, one way or another, you need to find a partner who is good, game, giving and therefore willing to explore with you.

Happy hunting!

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