Dear Anon-O-Box: Whoa! What’s With This Guy?

Dear Anon-O-Box,

I’ve been chatting with someone on a dating site that seemed OK. However, a couple emails in and he started laying it on thick. Like really thick…telling me I am the fire that warms his heart thick.

Perhaps I should mention I have not met this person.

I asked him to not contact me, and he agreed. The next day, he sent a 15 page email explaining his actions. HELP!

- What’s With This Guy?

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e answers:

Dear WWTG,

While I definitely feel for you, I feel worse for this poor guy who is (as we like to say it) doin’ it wrong.  I’m sure that in his mind, he’s built you up as the perfect partner and figures he should let you know how serious he is about you before you go running off with someone else in your inbox.

Unfortunately, he’s made two huge mistakes:

  • He came on too strong too early and has freaked you out.
  • He didn’t respect your wishes when you told him you’d rather not communicate any more.

My advice to you:

Block him.  It sounds cruel, but it’s not. While in his mind, he’s being “a nice guy,” he’s really being manipulative and stalker-y, and that’s anything but what nice guys do.

If you’re still communicating via your online dating site, that should be fairly easy. There’s usually a block button in every email and a block button on the person’s profile. You only need to find one of those and press it and he’ll be gone and unable to see your profile.

It gets a little trickier if you’ve taken communication off the dating site and to regular email. Gmail will let you set filters that throw any emails from him directly into the trash so you never have to see them. Go to Settings > Filters to set it up. You can do the same through many other email services as well.

When he stops getting feedback from you (no matter how hard he tries), he’ll eventually stop trying.

My advice to this guy (and others like him):

Quit it.

I know, you’re a nice person. You have a lot of love in your heart. This person is PERFECT for you. They warm your heart, they make you feel all warm and fuzzy and you haven’t even met yet.

…but you’re missing the point.

They’re not interested.

You stepped over the line and made them uncomfortable. You blew it. These things happen. Don’t beat yourself up over it. The lessons we learn from these mistakes make us better at the dating game in the future.  Now you know to save the heart warming fuzzies until after you’ve met in person.

Being a “nice guy” means respecting people’s wishes. If you’ve been told not to communicate with someone anymore, then you respect their wishes and you don’t communicate with them anymore. Simple as that.

Would you want to be in a relationship with someone who would agree to do something and then do the exact opposite?

No, you wouldn’t.

Then why are you trying to prove what a great boyfriend you’d be by exhibiting that very undesirable trait?

You’re a smart guy and can do better.

Happy Dating, geek friends.

How About You, Reader?

Ever had a situation like this on your online dating site? How did you handle it?

Ask the Anon-O-Box your question! Click here.

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