I’m a thirty-something guy that is interested in a girl I only know from Livejournal and Twitter. She doesn’t post to her own LJ but does semi-regularly to the [geeky topic] group that I’m on as well. I follow her on Twitter but she doesn’t follow me. I’m interested in her because she has a lot of common interests with me listed on her LJ profile page and she tweets that she’s at local pubs that I like. I know I’m traveling a thin line that could appear stalker-y. Is there a way I can catch her eye without crossing the line?
Don’t Wanna Be A Stalker
You’re right about traveling a thin line. You’re perched on the edge of something that could possibly go spectacularly well and could also go horribly, horribly wrong. Honestly, you may already be a bit into stalker territory.
Have you interacted with her on your [geeky topic] Livejournal community or on Twitter? Your note doesn’t specify whether you’ve just been admiring her from afar or if you’ve been communicating with her.
Step One: Interact where you are, but don’t go overboard
Interact with her on the LJ community and Twitter. If she posts a comment that you find interesting or funny, reply to say so and add a little bit of your own insights. But don’t reply to everything she says (or even half the things!). That bumps you from “cool guy who likes the same things I do” to “that guy who has to comment on everything I say – what is WITH HIM???”
Step Two: Gauge her interest
Notice if she is replying to your replies. If she isn’t, then move on. Pressing the issue by replying to her more often will throw you into Stalkerland.
See if she’s followed you on Twitter. Does she reply to your posts on the LJ community or things you tweet?
Step Three: Lather, rinse, repeat
If she is communicating with you, please continue on. If the conversations start to get one-sided (aka, you doing all the talking), back off for a bit. Continue to nurture your online friendship.
Step Four: Try to move it to a different venue
No, no, not to your place and wearing something more comfortable. I’m talking about IMs. How do you frame it? You blame Twitter, of course. You’d love to talk to her in more than 140 characters at a time. If she’s into you, she’ll take the bait.
Step Five: Continue stoking the fire
Keep up the conversation. Do what comes natural to you – talk about things you both enjoy. If she’s digging you, she’ll start talking about other aspects of her life. That’s where your keen listening skills come in…
Step Six: Offer up a date
You know what she likes… you’ve been talking to her for a while now. She hasn’t run away screaming. When a movie is coming out that you’d both enjoy, offer up the idea of going to it together. It doesn’t have to be a movie either. Maybe a night out at a comedy club to see a favorite comedian, or going to a local music festival. Activity dates are great and generally mitigate the first date awkwardness pretty well.
After that… see where things go!
Happy dating, geek friend!
How About You, Readers?
Have you ever dated someone that you met on a message board, Twitter, or other social networking site? How did you move from online to offline without looking stalker-y?