While on the road a few days ago, I had a wee little encounter with a guy who had apparently never learned about using a turn signal. We nearly collided, he gave me a jolly smile and a wave, and I fumed as I slammed my accelerator and careened off.
Driving, by the way, is one of my least favorite activities. Actually, being in a car is one of my least favorite activities, no matter how nice the car or how short the drive. It is cramped and uncomfortable and I have to negotiate my way around assholes like Mr. I-Dunno-How-To-Use-My-Blinkers and Ms. What’s-A-Four-Way-Stop.
At any rate, like my dating coach & writer brain does, neurons fired, a connection got made, and I had to write this post for you. Because the whole asshole driver thing reminded me of something people do all too often in their dating profiles.
Don’t Let An Asshole Make YOU an Asshole
In my encounter with Mr. No-Blinker, he brushed off the whole incident, likely blaming it all on me rather than his inability to follow the rules of the road. In his mind, the encounter was over. Done.
But not for me. He sent me into a rage which affected my driving for a few minutes. I was more aggressive. More impatient.
In other words… I started driving like an asshole.
This happens in online dating, too. You put up a nice profile but you keep getting pestered by people who are totally not your type. And I mean PESTERED. They’re sending you lots of emails. They’re trying to Google you. One of them found your Twitter account and is now begging you to follow back.
…and you log into your profile and start typing:
- “If you have no job and still live in your mother’s basement – GO AWAY!”
- “I’m not interested in you if you already have three kids.”
- “If you can’t run a mile, buzz off. I want someone ATHLETIC.”
Whoa, buddy. See what you did there? You became the asshole.
Now Look At Yourself…
The person who triggered your asshole streak is long gone. Meanwhile, you’re surrounded by other people who are looking at you with fresh eyes. They don’t know about the asshole encounter. All they see is you now.
They see me and assume I’m an asshole driver, when in reality, I’m just upset about that other guy and will cool off in a few minutes.
They see your profile and assume you’re a judgmental bitch/bastard, when you just wanted to vent over a few emails you could have just blocked and vented about via IM with a friend.
Don’t take the bait and let an asshole turn you into an asshole. It’s not worth it, especially when you’re trying to attract the love of your life.
Happy dating, geek friends.