The folks at YourTango are declaring a new annual holiday: February 13th is Break Up With Your Ex Day.
I’ll bet your first thought was: “Wait, if they’re my ex it’s because I already broke up with them!”
(At least, that was my first thought before I read the article.)
But nope, that’s not it. This holiday is the day that you unfollow your exes on Facebook, Twitter, Foursquare, or anywhere else you might follow them.
YourTango’s argument:
Keeping in touch with, or even just keeping tabs on an ex can make it harder to embrace the present, whether you’re healing from the breakup, looking for new love, or embracing a new relationship.
You can have a clean break. No more obsessing over the ex. No more “checking in” to look at pictures of them with their new flame (and then comparing the new flame to yourself, and then getting sad because they are “better” than you in some way).
On the one hand, I can see how this would be beneficial for some people. If it makes you feel better to completely erase all evidence of your ex, then go ahead and do it.
But on the other hand, you had good times with that person. You have happy memories. You have mutual friends. And (here’s the biggest thing), if you erase your ex from digital existence, it’s easier to forget the lessons you learned in that relationship. And make them again.
There are only two of my long term boyfriends that I am not friends with on Facebook. The first one is because we had an ugly breakup. I’ll chalk it up to us being young n’stupid. The second cut me out. We didn’t have a horrible breakup, just one of those “we’re not making each other happy, let’s go separate ways” type breakups, but he blocked me from everything. Never knew what went through his mind, but I got over it and moved on.
Have I scoped out new girlfriends of my exes? Sure. Have I lamented a bit when they got engaged or married? Sure. But y’know what? Coping with those emotions have made me a stronger person.
But hey, that’s just me… what do you think?
Loading ...Leave an elaboration to your answer in the comments if you wish. I’d love to hear your stories about dealing with exes in the digital space.
Unrelated note: YourTango was one of the first sites to write a post about my services, back in the day. Awww.
About e
I’ve only had 3 major relationships (I’m 31). Out of those three:
First: College girlfriend, met online; I was 17, she was 19. Kind of a bad breakup, but of the “young and stupid” variety. For some time, she avoided me online. We managed to reconnect and achieve friendship later on.
Second: It was kind of an unhealthy relationship. We lived together (though that’s not what made it unhealthy). We never really lost touch, always keeping in touch after I moved out of the state. Eventually, she got involved in an abusive relationship, and cut off communications with me because I kept pointing it out, and she didn’t want to acknowledge it. Finally she “forgave me” – but then I got cancer, and she cut off all contact with me AGAIN because she “couldn’t handle it.” Eventually, I went into remission and she contacted me again. THEN she moved into my town for a little while, after leaving the abusive ex mentioned earlier – she was clearly expecting to rekindle a relationship with me (by that time I was pretty much her only friend). Unfortunately for her, I wasn’t up for it. After getting herpes from some other guy (who she thought she was in love with) she wound up moving to another city. We spoke for about a year, then she decided to cut off all contact with me again. I’m not really concerned about this anymore, except for the fact that she owes me a few thousand dollars.
Third: She’s local, more or less. Definitely not someone I’d be interested in dating again (we tried twice, both times ended badly). As far as I can tell, I’m the only person to ever break up with her, instead of the other way around (both times); she’s not handled that very well. Nevertheless, we remain friends, and that has worked out well.