So, here’s the thing… I just signed up for a major dating site and I’ve already gotten a few messages, however the brunt of the messages are “hey gorgeous” and “you’re pretty, I’m looking for a friend with benefits.” Yikes!
I know you recommend that online daters take time to respond to every message they receive, but I’d rather not give these guys any attention. It’s obvious they haven’t read my profile and are just looking for a booty call. What do you recommend doing in this situation?
By the way, I did receive one well thought-out message from a guy who definitely looked into part of my profile and responded to a comment I made. I messaged back this morning… nothing may come of it, but it definitely made my day to have a guy start a conversation with something other than “hey baby.”
Thanks for your insight!
Not a Baby (straight female)
Dear Not a Baby,
Baby has always been my least-favorite pet name, too. Yuck.
Let me start by saying that I hope the good guy pans out. Ultimately, what you choose to do with the other guys is your decision.
However, I believe that the best way to teach people how to treat us is to speak up when they’re not treating us with respect. Ignoring these “hey baby” emails just reinforces the behavior, ESPECIALLY when one lady replies and takes him up on his offer. Be the one who tells him nicely that you are not his baby and not interested.
Keep a text file with a cut-and-paste response for these guys. Probably a couple based on how offensive his email was.
Some Examples of an Email Swipe File
“Hey, just saw your profile and you are totally hot. If you want to hang out, email me sometime.”
Your Cut-and-Paste Reply:
“Thank you for taking the time to email me. However, your email does not mention any specifics about me or my profile, which leads me to believe you’re only interested in my photos and possibly sent this email to dozens of other women. I could be wrong, though, so feel free to try again if your interest in me is deeper than picture-deep. Good luck in your dating adventure.”
“Hey baby, UR so hot. I’m looking for a no-strings relationship, so if UR interested in [censored] all night long, Im UR man. Write back.”
Your Cut-and-Paste Reply:
“Thank you for taking the time to email me. However, I find your email to be offensive. My profile states that I am not interested in a no-strings relationship, so the fact that you emailed me anyway displays a lack of respect. I hope you show more discretion in the future and only email women who state they are interested in a casual relationship.”
The Next Step
Your dating site should give you an option to block members. Give the person a day or two to actually see and read your email, then block them. You’ve given them a polite reminder of how to treat a woman and hopefully (HOPEFULLY) given them pause when they consider sending similar emails in the future.
Happy dating, geek friends.