I could write reams on the dynamics of a butch-femme relationship, and how butch is both a personality trait and a gender in its own right. Actually, I have written reams on the subject before. Butches and femmes are part of a closed world-within-a-world, part of the wider gay community but in some ways set apart from it. A world of old-fashioned relationship dynamics wherein the butch opens doors, walks on the side of the street closest to traffic, always picks up the cheque, does everything but lay their coat over a puddle (and some, I suspect, would). And femmes, the usual object of this adoration, the high princesses who adore their butches right back. Butches have been called anti-feminist and misogynistic, and that’s both the result and cause of clannishness and suspicion. The biggest butch-femme site on the internet, Butch-Femme.com, has moderated membership for anyone who signs up, to make sure that all parties are protected.
I am a fierce supporter of butches and their carefully protected but ultimately breakable and soft hearts, which is why I was ecstatic when ButchFemmeDating.com came down the tubes from Butch-Femme.com. It’s a dating site that caters to butches and their squishy innards, and femmes and genderqueers, and FtMs and MtFs and everyone in between. So I went to check it out for you.
Butch-FemmeDating.com offers you not one, not two, but ten options in what would usually be considered the gender field. For many butches (and femmes), butch and femme are not merely social descriptors but genders in their own right – I don’t know of any parallels in the male gay world. BFD offers up butch, femme, stud, StoneButch, StoneFemme, MtF, FtM, transgendered, aggressive, and genderqueer. The same options are given in the ‘seeking’ column. Everything from penpals to marriage is available to seek below that.
Real name is required, as well as the usual biographical information and a disclaimer that you must be over 18 to use the site. You also have to upload a photo before it lets you continue on. From there on out, it’s the usual dating site stuff – but I haven’t seen another dating site yet that lets you select ‘fat’ or ‘Rubenesque’ for your body type. Profile creation took me about ten minutes and then I was off to look for cute femmes and hot butches to have totally platonic friendships with because I’m married and my wife reads these columns.
The site itself looks more like a social networking site than a dating one. The site design is clean and free of ads (as far as I can see). The dating profiles are highly customizable and have space for events, pictures, videos, music, comments, and blog entries. The site does seem to be lacking much of the matchmaking aspect of other dating sites. The links to viewing “your matches” are broken more often than not, but you can search members by profile information and location. Despite this, overall
It’s still the new kid on the online dating block, having only been up and running for a few months. I hope this site takes off the way it deserves to.
Butches need love too, you know.