It is mentioned in several places that women on dating sites are inundated with emails and (ugh) winks. I don’t seem to suffer from this problem. I get absolutely no response; emails, winks, rotten tomatoes or otherwise. Not even creeps or scammers bother me.
I have a picture (it isn’t the greatest, but I don’t look like a swamp beast), and a passing grasp of the English language. And those are just the basic qualifications!
What am I doing wrong?
Single Female Dallasite
Hmmmm… well, you’ve certainly given me a bit of a stumper. Without looking at your actual profile, all I can do is make some random guesses. Let me put on my Miss Cleo outfit and my best faux-Jamaican accent and try to predict some of the things you may be doing wrong… and like a real psychic, maybe I’ll hit on a fact or two!
“I have a picture”
This statement leads me to believe that you have “a” picture on your profile, as in… ONE picture. I really hope this isn’t the case. You see, guys have noticed that profiles with only one picture tend to be scammer profiles. Especially if the woman is attractive. You say you’re not a swamp beast, which probably means you’re somewhat pleasant to the eye and attractive in the eyes of a subsection of the male population. Thus, guys who are attracted to that one picture may feel worried that you’re a scammer.
The alternative worry (and the one my male clients bring up to me frequently when they find a one-picture profile) is this:
“What if this is the ONLY good picture of her? She must be some sort of swamp beast if there’s only ONE good picture of her, right? I don’t want to email her saying I’m interested and then have to eat my words if she sends more pics and she’s totally a swamp beast.”
When given the choice of ignoring you or possibly hurting your feelings down the road, the majority of men will choose to ignore you. Give them everything they need to make an informed decision.
Moral: If you’re not a swamp beast and not a scammer, put up more than one photo. Four is the magic number: One face, one full body, one activity/travel shot and one of your choice.
“I don’t look like a swamp beast”
We’ve all gone the self-deprecating route, myself included. It’s a game we all play, in hopes that our friends will give us a little ego boost. We’ve all gone fishing for compliments and most of the time, we’ve succeeded.
But just like you shouldn’t write to a potential employer with the attitude of, “I’m not the worst accountant you’ve ever seen…” you shouldn’t go into online dating likening your appearance to slightly above a monster from a B-grade horror flick.
Whether you voice that opinion directly or not, it colors your writing. It makes little changes in the spirit of your profile and nudges the reader into thinking that you don’t think very highly of yourself.
When given the choice of a woman who projects self-worth and one who doesn’t, the majority of men will go with the more positive choice. Nobody wants to spend a relationship having to constantly boost the other person’s ego.
Moral: Focus on what you are and what you do well. Get rid of the negatives, the not’s, the no’s, the don’t’s.
The inundation, not every girl gets it
While the average woman receives exponentially more emails than the average man, not every woman is going to suffer from a perpetually full inbox. I certainly didn’t. While I got my share of first contact emails, there were times when my mailbox was a bit lonely.
What did I do? I went out looking for profiles of men that interested me and I emailed them.
The men who replied almost always expressed surprise to have received a first contact email and said they hardly ever have women email them first. Want to stand out as a single woman online? Email guys first.
Moral: If you’re not receiving emails, start sending them.
How’d Miss Cleo Do?
SFD, if you’re feeling brave enough to post a link to your profile below, maybe we can all help you improve it a bit. Or hey, maybe the perfect Dallas gentleman will be reading this article… you never know!