Dear Anon-O-Box,
How do you phrase something to sound “not very geeky?” I’ve been told to un-geek my dating profile because it turns everyone away, but your advice (rightly so) says to put the most unique things about me in there. So how do I tell guys that I go to conventions in costume without saying, “I go to conventions in costume!”?
Signed,
Convention Cosplayer
e answers:
Dear CC,
Who is this person who says being geeky “turns everyone away?”
If they had a face, we would punch it.
There’s a little thing I like to call the Chasm of Suckitude(TM). It’s what happens to a dating profile when you try to de-geek it. It’ll be featured in my ebook: You Geek, They Grok: A Guide to Leveling Up Your Dating Life.
Here’s the quick and dirty version, though!
The Original Profile
Your first profile is the one you write that’s all about you! It’s full of everything that you love! In fact, it’s chock full of geekiness! It’s awesome! So great! And then… you don’t get any emails. Or maybe you get emails, but they’re not the kind of people you’d want to date.
So you think… “maybe I should de-geek my profile so it’s more attractive to everyone.”
The Revised Profile
You re-do your profile. Out with the geek, in with the…. the… well, um, what do you do that’s not terribly geeky? Oh gee, you watch movies. You play some video games. You read. You like to take your dog to the park. Um… um… that’s enough stuff, right?
You’ve just fallen into the Chasm of Suckitude(TM).
In attempting to appeal to everyone, you’ve written a profile so watered down and boring that it appeals to no one.
The Balanced Profile
The death of an advertising campaign is assuming EVERYONE wants your product or service.
The death of a dating profile is assuming that EVERYONE is your target audience.
You’re writing a profile that will attract the type of person you want to meet. If a 100% geek profile isn’t working for you, it could be that your area just doesn’t have enough geeks. Or maybe they’re afraid to email you. (Seriously ladies, send out just a few emails a week and you could have a social calendar full of dates.)
A balanced profile includes enough geeky references that the geeky folks will be excited to get to know you while showing off the personal qualities that will make non-geeks or geek-friendly people intrigued.
Your Profile, Geeky & Amazing
Your 100% geek profile might talk about how you attend Megacon every year and sew a different costume for each day of the convention. How at Megacon 2011 you and your friends got together and decided who you’ll dress as for Megacon 2012 and how you’re already researching fabric choices and drafting up a pattern.
You might consider eliminating this in your De-Geeked profile because you think it’s too geeky. And wheeeeeee, off you go down the Chasm of Suckitude(TM).
Think about what your cosplay projects say about you. It says that you’re a big fan of x (x being anime or fantasy or sci-fi). It says that you have mastered the craft of sewing. It says that you have a circle of friends that share your interests.
A portion of your profile might read:
“My sewing adventure started with the desire to make a Halloween costume when I couldn’t find the perfect one. In just a few short years and with no formal lessons other than what I’ve picked up off the internet, I’ve learned how to sew just about any garment you can imagine. And yes, maybe I’ve won a few costume contests. If you want to get me talking, just ask me about my favorite costume!”
Sprinkle a bit more geeky references in your profile and the average geek’s “cosplayer” radar will certainly be tripped. Finding the balance between 100% geek and grokkable-to-the-average bear can be a little tricky, but it’s definitely doable!
Happy dating, geek friend!
About Anon-O-Box
I agree – de-geeking is BAD. There are lots of us out there looking for geeky girls!
The three most common keywords I use in a custom search on match?
Piano, nerd and geek. Here are results from searches for each, the other filters being w/in 100 miles of me, photos only, and age split 15 yrs (10 or less younger, 5 or less older).
Piano: Total (42) Activity within 3 Days (13)
Geek: Total (43) Activity within 3 Days (14)
Nerd: Total (72) Activity Within 3 Days (19)
Just for kicks, I did:
Costume: Total (5) Activity within 3 Days (0)
For a control, removing the keyword gets well over 2000 returns.
FWIW.
Cosplaying is a big turn on for me, unless she models; then I worry she might be a narcissist.
As explained in the article, de-geeking is bad. However, translating nerd-speak to normal English is a good idea (just like the example above). I’m a Christian and I’ve had some fears that Christian women viewing my profile would especially be wary of my RPG habits due to several previous attacks by prominent leaders. The typical stereotype of a bunch of losers with no lives being the only ones playing the game hurts too. I finally decided that playing up my enjoyment of the social interaction, strategy, and problem solving aspects of the game was the best solution. In my mind, it doesn’t hurt that I first go into my “mainstream” interests (like my faith, enjoyment of baseball, and interest in soccer) immediately following my brief summary (which mentions my nerdity).
In other words, I lead with a brief mention of my nerdyness, establish my self as also being a normal, well-adjusted human being (ie. not a total freak), follow that by sprinkling a few key words/phrases to keep nerds interested (“Han shot first” and the big one: Firefly) that others might not recognize, and then establish my “nerd cred” that’s recognizable to nerds and those that didn’t recognize it earlier. I warn them up front, so it’s not a surprise when I mention it later. Seems to work a little. I’m actually seeing women that roll a higher initiative not hold their action until I make my move or ready a “reply” action that doesn’t trigger until I send them a message.
(In other news, Firefox recognizes no forms of nerdyness, geekery, geekyness, or nerdity as words. Bad Firefox! No cookie for you!)