When hiring me to do a dating profile critique or a profile makeover, clients have the same complaint: they’re not getting enough (or any!) emails. They’re not sure what’s wrong, but their inboxes are empty and they’re wondering if they’re just putting their subscription money down the toilet. I’m their hope to get things right, or they’re giving up on this online dating business.
I’m happy to say that many of them email me back weeks later to say their new profile is working world’s better than the old one did.
One of the reasons why people get few emails is because there is something in their profile that is causing premature rejection. (It’s a bit like premature ejaculation, except way less naked. That’s why it’s so sad.)
When You Assume, You Make An Ass Out of You and Me
A client came to me recently to have his profile completely re-written. It wasn’t working for him and he wanted a fresh start. He showed me his old profile where it specifically mentioned (in at least two places) his love of firearms.
There is no problem with a firearms hobby. I know plenty of good, sane, wonderful people who have a love of guns and the shooting range. Some like historical firearms, some love improving marksman skills, others are hunters. These are all fine and good.
However, someone reading your profile may immediately associate guns with the one person they knew who owned a gun, who was bat shit insane. Or they may associate firearms with crazy militia groups hellbent on overthrowing the government.
You, the perfectly normal gun enthusiast who just likes going to the shooting range a few times a month have now been lumped in with anti-government nutbags.
…and you just lost yourself a date.
Sad, But True
While you want to showcase your passions in your profile, think about what you look like from the outside.
Will that hobby or interest translate well to a complete stranger?
Can you wait to discuss your guns on a second date once you’ve established you’re not a crazy?
Do you have to admit in your profile that you love books about serial killers?
The Curse of Knowledge (save ends)
Sometimes it’s hard to write a good profile about yourself since you know yourself so well. You assume that other people will just “get” the things that you are without having to tell the back story of how you got there. There’s an entire chapter in my upcoming ebook about how to roll your save if you’re interested in learning more about defeating the curse.
But for now… take a good look at your profile and see if there are any things that could cause premature rejection. (And no, being a geek isn’t one of them!) And until next time, happy dating, geek friends!