I’m in the process of buying my first home (OMG GROWNUP ALERT!!) and found that my online dating profile translating skills come in pretty handy when reading real estate listings. Just like in real estate, the words of someone’s profile may not be exactly as they seem on the surface…
Inflating and Deflating Sizes
- “Cozy” = Small
- “Finished Attic” = Hope you’re the height of an Oompa Loompa
- “Spacious” = You’ll lose your kids (but is that a bad thing?)
- “Curvy” = a lot of things! Maybe overweight, maybe obese, maybe busty, maybe just… I dunno, CURVY?
- “6’0″ (on a guy) = 5’11″
- “Athletic” = anything ranging from bodybuilder to “skinny, but not scrawny”
- “Charming” = Really old
- “Needs a little TLC” = Needs a new roof, new HVAC, new floors, new plumbing…
- “A steal at this price” = …just as long as you’re cool with the giant hole in the floor.
- “Youthful” = Really old
- “Laid-back” = I dunno, what do you wanna do? Meh.
- “Drama-free” = I’m hoping this time around, I won’t be a drama magnet
Location, Location, Location
- “By a charming creek” = In a high risk flood zone
- “Convenient to everything” = On the loudest, busiest street in town
- “Country living” = Hope you work at home, cuz you’re far from civilization
- “Looking to have fun” = I’m located in the Sex > Relationship zone.
- “Looking to meet someone special” = I’m located in the Relationship (and hopefully sex) zone.
- “Looking for my soulmate” = I’m located in the slightly-obsessed about finding a relationship zone.
Got Some More?
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