I’m a straight geeky guy who is in a bit of a situation. I’m currently in the middle of an amicable, but certain divorce. This is after about 5 years of minimal intimacy and no sex (3 of those years married,) so as you might imagine, emotionally, things are pretty distant.
Anyway, my ex is of the opinion that matters are all but final and that we should seek other partners. Aside from my stark fears (my ex was my first kiss…) I genuinely wonder – would any women actually want to start a relationship with a guy in my situation? Complicating matters is that my ex still needs to find a job and a place, and we need to sell our house, so we still live together – just sleep in separate beds (yay basement :’( )
Any advice, including a “HELL NO” is appreciated – I really don’t want to feel like I’m leading a new love interest on, just to have them recoil when they find out that my life is in some upheaval.
Kudos to you for being aware that your situation is a bit of a sticky one. The good news is that it’s not as sticky as they could be. Here’s what you have going for you:
- Your divorce is amicable
- Your ex-wife has said you should find a new partner
- You have a room of your own (even if it is in the basement)
- You have a job
- You have a house (or soon – one hopes! – the money from selling one)
Generally, my advice to folks getting divorced is to wait until the divorce papers are final before you start dating. For starters, you’ve given yourself some alone time during the separation to really separate yourself from the relationship (even if it was emotionally and physically distant). Secondly, there are many folks who avoid those tagged “Separated” on dating sites because they’re afraid the person may go back to their ex.
Once the divorce is final, even if you’re still in your marital home, feel free to put up a profile somewhere or join a singles club. Once you’ve made a connection with someone and you feel the relationship may be getting serious, then you can have the discussion of your current living situation. With the economic climate (especially the housing market) as it is, she should be somewhat sympathetic to your current lot in life.
Happy dating, geek friend!