I often find myself having . . . strange conversations with strange people on the internet. The other night found me discussing Pigs in Space with a butch friend. Sorry, I mean Pigs . . . In . . . Spaaaaaaaace! You know, the old Muppet Show sketch about Link Hogthrob, Dr Strangepork, and Miss Piggy as the intrepid crew of the Swinetrek. We both confessed to harboring massive crushes on the First Lady of the Muppets.
When I think of strong female role models, Miss Piggy inevitably tops the list. When I think of my perfect woman . . . okay, Miss Piggy also tops the list (right under my wife, of course). When I think of the baddest leatherdyke I would want to hang out with, yes, Miss Piggy also tops that list.
So what does Piggy have that makes her next in line for dykon sainthood? Well, she’s a pop culture idol, a strong woman who perseveres through hardship and challenge, and she’s absolutely fabulous.
Everyone Will See What You Were Meant To Be
Piggy, while, you know, gorgeous, has faced many naysayers and sizeist pigs on her way to the top. Not being the modern ideal of beauty has never stopped her though. She’s got it, she flaunts it, she works it.
And she doesn’t take crap from anybody. No matter how big, hairy, horned, or scraggly-toothed, she’d face down anyone with a steely-eyed glare and her signature “Hiiii-ya!” She’s one bad-ass mothaporker and you better not forget it. Frank Oz said about her, “She wants everyone to treat her like a lady, and if they don’t, she’ll cut them in half.” This is the pig who can execute jewel heists and prison breaks, rule the flying monkeys of Oz, and completely cow Kermit into submission with one heave of her impressive porcine bosom.
Speaking of little green, Piggy is a woman who knows what she wants (Kermit) and goes for it. Aggressively. Now who doesn’t find that hot? Her romantic choices are a little unorthodox. Not what they’re supposed to be – and hey, isn’t that perfect for a gay icon?
All of the Glamour and All of the Fame
Piggy has always been at the height of fashion. This pig is a glamour queen the envy of any drag diva. From stunning evening gowns and feather boas, to smart and sexy suits, to a little bit of risqué beachwear or even posing nude for Playboar, Miss Piggy is on the top of her modeling game. She’s been on the cover of Life, People, TV Guide, and release her own Guide to Life (which I have read so much the pages are falling apart). She has more costume changes in one show than Lady Gaga. And darling, let me tell you, they’re all fabulous.
People Are Gonna Remember Your Name
Love her or not, Miss Piggy is a pop culture diva. Her name is ubiquitous. Everyone knows Miss Piggy. She’s sung with Cher and Streisand, played iconic roles from Wonder Woman to Maid Marian to Marie Antoinette to the Wicked Witch to Abe Lincoln (yes, really). She has remained a symbol of eff-you in the face of norms and regulations. Piggy is Piggy and no one is able to stop her.
Which is a pretty inspiring message for people of all ages who are looking for a hero. Never compromise. Never give up. And someday, you’ll rise up from the chorus to being the star diva of the whole franchise. Unafraid to fight for her right to love who she loves. Unafraid to be herself in the face of censure and criticism. Unafraid to kick a policeman in the balls.
And if my mother asks – Miss Piggy is why I’m a lesbian.