Ever wonder exactly what age group you should be listing on your dating profile? You’re not alone. It’s a question I get a lot from my clients and at my convention events.
XKCD’s comic (above, click for the original) gives the following formula for determining the youngest person you should date:
Your age divided by 2, then add 7.
I am 32. According to this formula, I should not be dating anyone younger than 23.
A Baseline, But Not A Hard Number
For me, that number is still too low. I grew up a lot in my mid-20s and barely recognize the girl I was at 23. I can’t imagine dating a guy who still has those years left to explore who he is.
But you may be different.
You may be a 32 year old man who would have no problems dating a 23 year old lady. You understand that she’s going to be growing and changing and you’re fine with being her older, more established rock. That’s cool.
On The Younger End of the Spectrum
The issues I’ve found when helping out singles (especially guys), is that men tend to throw the net really far in one direction. Younger. I find more and more guys in their late 30s and early 40s who list their age range for a potential ladyfriend as 18 – 2 years their senior.
And I ask you this question:
Would you really want a relationship with someone who is just out of high school?
I’m not talking about sex here. If your profile is bait for bootycalls, this isn’t your article. But if you’re looking for someone to date, get into a serious relationship with, and perhaps someday marry and procreate with… do you really think that person is 18?
Yes, there are outliers. I know some folks who are 18 going on 40. But they are just that, outliers.
Older Isn’t Always What You Think
Most women’s profiles I’ve noticed tend to throw the net the opposite way. Women’s profiles generally list a bracket from a few years younger up to 10 years older. (This does not stop us from getting email from men old enough to be our fathers, sadly.)
Guys, I want you to take a page from the ladies’ playbook.
Here’s why: Every woman is different.
I am 32 and get mistaken for being in my mid-20s constantly. When I was in my mid-20s I got mistaken for a high schooler. Depending on a woman’s heritage, body type, skin type, sun-exposure habits, smoking habits, etc, a woman who is 40 could appear to be anywhere from 25 – 55. A woman who is a sun worshiper is going to look much older than a woman who uses her sunscreen and avoids the beach at noon. A woman who is a little on the chubby side is going to look younger than a woman who is lean & well-toned.
You say that you don’t want a woman who is several years older than you. But truth is, you just don’t want a woman who LOOKS several years older than you. When you were a freshman in high school, would you have turned down dating a cute college girl? Heck no. It only makes sense that you leave yourself open at 35 to meet the perfect woman who just happens to be 41.
Don’t Knock It Until You’ve Tried It
Give it a shot. Take a look at the age bracket in your profile and shift it over a bit. Get rid of a few of the younger years and add on a few of the older ones.
If you’re too chicken to do that, at least do a search on your dating site and look at some of the profiles that are out of your normal range. You may be surprised to find some excellent matches.
Happy dating, geek friends.
About e
I don’t think there’s anything to be gained by narrowing your age range, unless you’re losing time by dating people who are so young they don’t work out. I don’t think a lot of the people on this site have that problem. As for dating older women, I think it makes sense. However, there is a biological disinclination to that that I don’t think should be ignored.
When I was a freshman in high school I thought girls in college were really old looking.
@Vash – Au contraire. I know many women who will not date a 35 year old man who lists that he’s interested in 18 year olds. They see that as “he’s looking to get laid by the hottest girls possible.”
Sure, there’s the issue of wanting children, but medicine has gotten to the point where women are fertile and able to carry a baby to term far later in life than in our parents’ generation.
Those women are really kind of uptight. 1. Why should he limit at all his options? 2. What’s wrong with being attracted to young women?
As far as modern technology and attraction, consider this. Height really doesn’t matter in a fight now, but women still want a tall man. It’s instinct. The fact that I don’t want children doesn’t suddenly make me attracted to elderly women.
I’m probably being overly mathematical, but I’ve always used the Age/2+7 creepiness formula to calculate both the minimum and maximum age ranges. i.e. – I’m 33, so the youngest I should date is 23, and the oldest is 52. Obviously, anyone at the extremes is going to be a little on the creepy side, but that’s the case with any sort of distribution. Truthfully, I’d feel almost as uncomfortable dating a 23-year-old as a 52-year-old, assuming that age is the only factor under consideration.
I tend to agree (somewhat) with Vash that limiting your age range (as a guy in online dating) is potentially counter-productive – unless you really have too many dates (or too many unsuccessful dates), there really isn’t a good reason to limit the pool. e does make a good point that secondary signaling could reduce your potential pool more than a voluntary reduction. Furthermore, Vash’s counterpoint that such women are “uptight” seems disingenuous, since if someone is allowed to reject someone for being too short or too old, then rejecting someone purely on their stated age range seems no different.
I will say that being rejected for being too young – even with an age difference as little as a single year – can be somewhat grating. I’ve always been one of the “18 going on 40″ outliers, which I’m pretty sure comes across in my profile – so it seems “crazy age discrimination” is not purely a male domain. (Though it’s also entirely possible that my more general outlier status was at fault
I think a good strategy might be to put no limit on your age range and simply do a reverse search(if it’s match.com). It could get really depressing just upping your age range only to find a lot of women who won’t date you because you’re younger.
Brandon, calling someone uptight isn’t mutually exclusive with thinking they have a right to reject me for whatever reason they want.
I can agree with the sentiment here. Now I have standards, but I really don’t think of them as overly picky. My problem is about every female that is close enough geographically is not in a good age range. If they are in an acceptable age range, the are 1000 miles away & uninterested in a long distance thing. When I find a gal about right in both? Going back to mine, or anybodies standards, they are plug ugly. Sorry, but it is true. Ay my age, 45, many of these women aren’t really geeks. They are just looking for ANYTHING and think that a geek/nerd is desperate enough to go out with whoever.