Letters to Santa

A sneak peek into Santa’s mailbag from the Marvel and DC Universes . . .


Dear Santa,

I’ve been a good boy this year! Well, sort of, but nobody’s perfect, right? And that whole thing in Kosovo, we don’t really have to talk about that, right? I’m Canadian, you’re Canadian, I’m sure we can work something out. How’s the Missus? Total MILF, if you ask me. Which you didn’t, but I know you were about to. Anyway, all I want for Christmas this year is the Bea Arthur Memorial Special Extended Edition box set of The Golden Girls, with bonus Bea commentary track and a sealed jar of her last mortal breath.

Or a Real Doll.

That looks like Bea Arthur.

Love, Deadpool


Dear Santa,

I have been a very good boy this year – what with dying, and coming back to life, and saving the world a couple of times. I really think this year is the year for that Boy Scout knife I asked for. You know, when I was a kid. Like eighty years ago.

Love, Captain America


Dear Santa,

Really? Knows everything the mortals are doing? . . . Heimdall, is that you?

The Mighty Thor


Dear Santa,

I’ve been a very naughty boy – and you’ll never find me now! Eh heh heh heh heh!

Love, the Green Goblin

PS. Find enclosed my own little “Christmas” “present” – I’m sure you’ll find it a “blast”!


Dear Santa,

I don’t want anything for myself this year. I just want there to be peace on Earth, goodwill to all humankind, the end of all hunger and disease, and Toddlers and Tiaras to be cancelled once and for all. Also, I think Deadpool really wants some kind of Bea Arthur box set? Thanks, Big Guy.

Love, Cable

PS. Baby Jesus, if you’re reading this, sorry about stealing your shtick. U mad?


Dear Santa,

Yeah, me again. I don’t think I want to be a mercenary any more. I think I want to be a dentist.




Dear Santa,

I don’t need anything from you, old man. I am the goddamned Batman.


The Batman


Intercepted a few more letters? Share them in the comments!

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