I’ve been a good boy this year! Well, sort of, but nobody’s perfect, right? And that whole thing in Kosovo, we don’t really have to talk about that, right? I’m Canadian, you’re Canadian, I’m sure we can work something out. How’s the Missus? Total MILF, if you ask me. Which you didn’t, but I know you were about to. Anyway, all I want for Christmas this year is the Bea Arthur Memorial Special Extended Edition box set of The Golden Girls, with bonus Bea commentary track and a sealed jar of her last mortal breath.
Or a Real Doll.
That looks like Bea Arthur.
I have been a very good boy this year – what with dying, and coming back to life, and saving the world a couple of times. I really think this year is the year for that Boy Scout knife I asked for. You know, when I was a kid. Like eighty years ago.
Love, Captain America
Really? Knows everything the mortals are doing? . . . Heimdall, is that you?
The Mighty Thor
I’ve been a very naughty boy – and you’ll never find me now! Eh heh heh heh heh!
Love, the Green Goblin
PS. Find enclosed my own little “Christmas” “present” – I’m sure you’ll find it a “blast”!
I don’t want anything for myself this year. I just want there to be peace on Earth, goodwill to all humankind, the end of all hunger and disease, and Toddlers and Tiaras to be cancelled once and for all. Also, I think Deadpool really wants some kind of Bea Arthur box set? Thanks, Big Guy.
PS. Baby Jesus, if you’re reading this, sorry about stealing your shtick. U mad?
Yeah, me again. I don’t think I want to be a mercenary any more. I think I want to be a dentist.
I don’t need anything from you, old man. I am the goddamned Batman.
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