Dungeon Bastard Bill Cavalier is a popular sage of gamer wisdom. Continually upping the ante and leveling up in awesome every year, 2013 is full of new videos, a campaign against half-elves, and what may be the best Kickstarter to inspire GMs this summer.
What have you been doing since the last time you graced my humble column?
First of all, I’ve been leading a one-man campaign to eliminate half-elves. They’re an ABOMINATION against elves AND humans. Plus, shouldn’t a half-elf really be the offspring of an elf and a HALFING? Hey, just because you didn’t see Legolas snogging on any hobbits at the Prancing Pony DOESN’T MEAN IT DIDN’T HAPPEN.
This foray into DMing was actually inspired by a gamer named Anne who wrote to me for advice. It seems she met her husband over a game of D&D, but now — years later — he just doesn’t DM as much as he used to. She asked me how to get that DM magic back in their relationship. My answer? -Put him into the World’s WORST Dungeon Crawl and within five minutes his crafty DM brain would be TEEMING with adventure ideas TEN TIMES better.
I believe that, first and foremost, your job as the DM is not to run an “intriguing” story or explore the intricate sociopolitical relationships of your finely detailed world. It’s to provide MAXIMUM FUN TIME. That applies to EVERYONE at the table — including you. So my goal with the World’s WORST Dungeon Crawl is to take a tired premise and a straightforward plot and, DESPITE all that, run a KICKASS GAME. If I can do that by sending the party through a dungeon maze on a trite mission to rescue a princess, DMs out there should have NO PROBLEM upping the fun in their own, more original adventures.
That, and make fun of the half-elf. Seriously, pointy ears and hairy feet! AN ABOMINATION I TELL YOU!