Flaming Deathpits Are In: Dungeon Bastard Wants You For a Dungeon Crawl

Dungeon Bastard Bill Cavalier is a popular sage of gamer wisdom. Continually upping the ante and leveling up in awesome every year, 2013 is full of new videos, a campaign against half-elves, and what may be the best Kickstarter to inspire GMs this summer.


What have you been doing since the last time you graced my humble column?

DB maxotaurFirst of all, I’ve been leading a one-man campaign to eliminate half-elves. They’re an ABOMINATION against elves AND humans. Plus, shouldn’t a half-elf really be the offspring of an elf and a HALFING? Hey, just because you didn’t see Legolas snogging on any hobbits at the Prancing Pony DOESN’T MEAN IT DIDN’T HAPPEN.

 Second, I’ve continued inspiring gamers across the globe with my PROFESSIONAL ADVENTURE COACHING. I’ve schooled gamers on how to “retrain” misbehaving dice formed the BADASS DUNGEON CRUSHERS ASSOCIATION   pointed out the massive adventure FAIL in the movie Prometheus and I’ve faced off against some of my greatest fans at Gen Con.
And speaking of Gen Con, this year I’m looking forward to providing pre-show coverage and daily recaps of the BEST FOUR DAYS IN GAMING. If you can make it, I hope to see you there. If you can’t make it, I hope you see ME there!

DB gamerWhere did you find the inspiration to undertake the World’s Worst Dungeon Crawl as a DM?

This foray into DMing was actually inspired by a gamer named Anne who wrote to me for advice. It seems she met her husband over a game of D&D, but now — years later — he just doesn’t DM as much as he used to. She asked me how to get that DM magic back in their relationship. My answer? -Put him into the World’s WORST Dungeon Crawl and within five minutes his crafty DM brain would be TEEMING with adventure ideas TEN TIMES better.

So this whole project is LITERALLY a labor of love. Geeks, it’s not enough to FIND your dream girl, you have to keep those magic fires burning! (Pro tip: Hand out some decent treasure once in a while!)

Why do Flaming Deathpits of the Minotaur Mage: Descent into Doomfire! now? Is it the season for Flaming Deathpits?
Flaming Deathpits are NEVER out of style. (Fashion tip: Don’t let them burn white hot before Memorial Day.) Also, I want to run this game LIVE in front of the most HARDCORE gamers on the planet. That means Gen Con, and although it’s still a few months away, NOW is the time to put the wheels in motion on this Raging Battlewagon of Disaster and point it directly into the heart of Indianapolis.

db_helm_580_386pxHow do you think the video evidence of the face-melting fun of your Dungeon Crawl will inspire the DMs of the future?

I believe that, first and foremost, your job as the DM is not to run an “intriguing” story or explore the intricate sociopolitical relationships of your finely detailed world. It’s to provide MAXIMUM FUN TIME. That applies to EVERYONE at the table — including you. So my goal with the World’s WORST Dungeon Crawl is to take a tired premise and a straightforward plot and, DESPITE all that, run a KICKASS GAME. If I can do that by sending the party through a dungeon maze on a trite mission to rescue a princess, DMs out there should have NO PROBLEM upping the fun in their own, more original adventures.


Dungeon Bastard_quoteWhen can your fans expect to witness the World’s Worst Dungeon Crawl during GenCon?

 One of the most frequent sentiments I hear on Facebook  and Twitter  is “Man, what would it be like to game with the Dungeon Bastard?” Well, now we ALL get a chance to find out. It’s a great opportunity to break our standard format of direct address to camera and work live in front of a crowd. Fans can be assured that I’ll include interesting characters and some opportunities for SKULL-CRUSHING BADASSITUDE. Because at the end of the day, all anyone really wants out of their game is the chance to DO SOMETHING COOL.

That, and make fun of the half-elf. Seriously, pointy ears and hairy feet! AN ABOMINATION I TELL YOU!


Missed my interview with Bill Cavalier last year? You can find it in the archives! All photos in this article provided by Dungeon Bastard Bill Cavalier. You can find his Kickstarter here.

About l

L is a freelancer currently working as a writer, editor, journalist and game designer. She hauls a suitcase decorated in stickers as she blogs, travels, and tours. She makes her home in Washington, California, and wherever the tour stopped last night. You can follow L on twitter (@lilyorit )

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