In the kindest and gentlest way possible I need to tell you something: do not be a desperate dater. Assert yourself and know that you deserve to be treated well. In short, know what your relationship deal breakers are and refuse to tolerate poor behavior.
Now, to clarify this a bit more. A deal breaker is an action or behavior that cannot be overlooked in a romantic partnership. It outweighs any other redeeming qualities the person may exhibit.
I’m not talking about nitpicking trivial things, but instead refusing to settle on issues that point to a fundamental incompatibility between prospective partners.
There are so many fantastic nerds, geeks and smarty-pants who date less-than-ideal partners out of fear that a better match won’t come along.
Most people could probably agree issues like criminal activity, violence, extreme rudeness, being excessively cheap, lying etc. are fairly universal deal breakers in the general dating pool. Many other deal breakers are personal, based on past dating experience.
There are some definite deal breakers for the geeky dating crowd. I’d like to suggest adding a few more general deal breakers to your list. If someone exhibits any of these, it’s time to move on because there is a better match out there for you!
Some of these points may seem trivial at first, but in actuality signal larger and more consequential issues within a potential relationship. Here are a few red flags to watch out for:
Not respecting your geeky interests
Like many things in life, to each their own applies equally to fandom and flavor of geekiness. As long as a particular interest isn’t hurting others, it’s all good.
If you’re dating someone who doesn’t share your particular interest and he or she mocks or belittles you for it, that’s a form of put-down. That type of behavior is inexcusable.
Romantic partners don’t have to share all of the same interests, but at the bare minimum, they should respect tastes differ from their own.
Trying to change you or dissuade you from your geekiness is a deal breaker. Imposing a value judgment on a certain interest as lesser or greater than others (namely theirs over your own) is also a reason to walk.
Starting sentences with “Well, actually…”
Nobody likes a know-it-all or to be made to feel inferior. Almost anytime a sentence is started with “Well, actually”, the speaker is refuting what the other person in the conversation has said.
We all know excitable people who refuse to ever be proved wrong and will vehemently defend the correctness of their position to a point of fault. Geeks are particularly susceptible to this when discussing topics they are passionate about.
If someone falls into the category of needing to always assert how right they are – especially over pedantic issues – they are probably not going to change anytime soon. It’s a deal breaker and you need to move on.
Consistently paying more attention to their phone than you
If your date spends more time staring at their phone than engaging with you, this is a big deal breaker. Some people fiddle with their phones out of nervousness but this type of behavior suggests they are not really present in your conversation and their mind is elsewhere. Compulsive texting during a date is also in poor form.
This deal breaker applies not just prospective romantic partners, but all type of relationships. We’ve probably all done it at one point or another but ignoring a person right in front of you for what’s on your phone is selfish and inconsiderate.
Many tech geeks are particularly guilty of being hyper-connected to the point of excess. This type of anti-social deal breaking behavior also can extend into more extreme versions such as avoiding face-to-face human interaction for Internet usage.
Do any of these deal breakers sound familiar?
You do not have to put up with being treated this way. Tell the other party why you found their behavior to be inexcusable and end the date.
Don’t waste your time on dates with people who act in these ways, because like the saying goes: there are plenty of fish in the sea (and in the geek dating pool).
Have you experienced any of these deal-breaking behaviors on dates before? How did you react? Do you have other strict deal breakers for geek dating? As always, leave your comments below – we want to know what you think.