Picking up the pieces: a geek’s guide to going through a breakup


The focus of our site is usually on getting you dates in the first place, but what happens when things fall apart?

If you’ve been seeing someone for a long time, or even if it’s a newer thing – breaking up is hard to do.  Here are some ideas about how to take care of yourself when you’re dealing with a breakup:

1) It’s okay to be selfish 

Selfishness is often painted as a negative quality in our culture, but sometimes you do really have to do what is best for yourself. When you’re dealing with a breakup this is especially true. Take time to assess what your emotional needs and wants are.

You might need a bit more time alone, or maybe you want to be really active and around people. Everyone deals with emotional stress in different ways. Take this time to focus on yourself, your career or schooling, your hobbies, a special project. Perhaps you’ve been meaning to build that Millennium Falcon model for a while, or take a language class, or reorganize your comic collection or launch your Etsy store. No project is too big or too small – whatever it might be, make time for pursuits that are entirely for yourself.

Allow yourself to feel hurt, angry, sad and everyone emotion in between. Overall, the message here is to do the things that make you happy and know that it’s okay to not always feel that way. It’s okay to feel however you want to feel, but focus your attention to doing the things you want to do in your own life.

2) Take care of your body.

Obviously there’s a large emotional component to a breakup, but don’t forget to take care of yourself physically as well.

Self-care means making sure you’re getting enough sleep, you’re eating right and that you’re getting lots of physical activity. Geeks aren’t usually known for our physical prowess, we tend to reside in more mental realms but we’ve got bodies too and they shouldn’t be ignored.

Consider trying out a yoga class, or taking up a couch to 5k challenge, or even just playing some Frisbee in a park. Getting exercise will give you more energy and help make you feel better overall.

It’s okay to give yourself a night of sitting on the couch eating ice cream and pizza, but after it is time to get back on track. Junk food can be comforting, but you know it’s not great for you and will just result in feeling more sluggish.

You can also pamper yourself with lots of soaks in the tub, a new haircut or a massage. Do whatever you need to in order to make your body feel its best!

3) You don’t have to get back in the saddle until you’re ready.

Getting back into the dating scene isn’t a race. Some people may want to start dating again right away and others may prefer to spend time some time recuperating. There’s no right or wrong amount of time to be single before starting to actively date again.

Don’t let yourself be pressured one way or another by friends, family members, coworkers, gaming buddies or anyone else. When you are ready to start dating, you’ll know. Also, see the first point in this article again.

4) Reconnect with your friends

Did you start skipping your weekly D&D games or flake out on convention plans when you became attached?

Often when people are in relationships their time becomes unevenly distributed between their partners and their friends. The girlfriend/boyfriend “cave” happens to the best of us. When you’re going through a break-up it’s time to reach out to your friends and reconnect with them.

If they’re true friends, they’ll forgive your temporary AWOL status and be happy to spend some time with you.

Making plans to hang out with your favorite people helps to remind you that you had a life & people who cared about you before this relationship existed. It helps bolster your self-esteem, you’ll probably have some fun and you’ll also distract yourself.

How have you dealt with breakups? What do you find most helpful? As always, we want to know what you think. Leave your comments below.


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