How to Effectively Use Descriptive Language in Your Dating Profile


What kind of language do you use in your dating profile?

Writing a strong dating profile isn’t easy, a lot of the clients I’ve worked with have told me that they have no idea how to write about themselves. Their stories are not really that unusual. Many people struggle with being able to talk themselves up or highlight their best features in their dating profile.

The words we choose to describe ourselves (or our ideal matches) can have a huge impact on how your dating profile is received by others. Likewise, our dating profile self-descriptions will affect the types of people are attract to us.

Is what you are writing helping or hindering your choices of finding a match?

Having seen literally thousands of dating profiles on tons of different sites, I gathered some occurring adjective and descriptors that online dating users include in their profiles. When looking at your own profile, do any of these words pop out at you?

If you currently have a dating profile, try going through the text of it and highlighting all the adjectives or descriptive phrases. What kind of a picture are you painting with the words you’ve used?

Some Words That Are Helpful

Generally speaking, words with positive connotations tend to be better received by other online dating users. There’s definitely a bit of a bias towards extroverted personality tendencies as well. That doesn’t mean you should fake being an outgoing person if you’re not, but it does mean you should give some thought to how you framing yourself in a positive light.

Start with descriptive words that sum up your personality and then illustrate them with examples of what ‘fun’ or ‘passionate’ means to you.

Some examples of words that benefit your profile: approachable, outgoing, friendly, independent, playful, passionate, thoughtful, creative, energetic, artistic, compassionate, comfortable, clever, adorable, ambitious, intelligent, fun, cute, open-minded, easygoing, happy, caring, adventurous, honest.

What do all these words have in common? They tend to frame the person in question in a positive light. Most people would probably be inclined to agree that those descriptors are common qualities people on dating sites might be looking for in a partner. Chose the most positive terms that accurately describe your personality and include those in your profile.

Of course it’s always best provide examples about these characteristics, rather than just rambling off a list. Io Identify a characteristic you’d like to highlight and then elaborate or illustrate it with specific examples.

Some Words That Are Hindering

It might seem a bit obvious, but using the same technique described earlier, look through your dating profile text are there any descriptive words  jumping out at you for evoking something other that what you were going for?

If any words similar to the ones of this list are popping up, you might be scarring people off unintentionally.

Some examples of turn-off descriptive words include: clumsy, weird, morbid, cynical, insecure, sarcastic, jealous, anxious, shy, mediocre, aloof, self-deprecating, awkward, unusual, nervous, lonely, incoherent, blunt, messy, aimless, misfit, obsessive, lazy, aimless.

Not all of these words are inherently negative, but the person writing them may not have the highest opinion of themselves.  These terms can seep into other people’s perceptions of you, even if you’re not directing them at yourself specifically. Insecurity is rarely an attractive quality in a potential partner.

Chances are you’re probably a lot more critical of yourself that others might be, so choose to highlight your best attributes instead of your faults.

On the fence

Of course, like all things in life, we all have our own preferences and tastes. There is some language you might be using in your profile that is polarizing, or which could go either way.  Have you found any examples of this within your own profile or other profiles you’ve read?

Getting specific isn’t a bad thing, it just means you’ll be actively targeting people who those specific words will resonate with. Saying you’re quite shy in your profile might deter someone looking to meet someone very extroverted. All of these traits are kind of like flavors of ice cream, none are inherently bad, but everyone will have some they like some better than others.

Here are some examples of potentially polarizing words: kinky, experimental, emotional, pragmatic, intense, spunky, busy, skeptical, spiritual, radical, sassy, eccentric, [any specific political affiliation], stubborn, grounded, shy, loud, forward, reserved.

In a nutshell, use the words that best describe yourself but be aware of the vivid picture of yourself you are painting, for better or worse. Some people might argue that describing yourself as a geek of nerd might fall under these categories, and our site would certainly never dissuade your from doing that.

How does your dating profile stack up? What types of words do you use to describe yourself? Need some extra help with your current profile or a complete rewrite? The Geek’s Dream Girl Team is here to help

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