Beautiful and Marvelous: The Gateway Arch

Otherwise known as the “Gateway to the West,” the arch is something everyone should see if they ever get the opportunity. Visit the museum, take a ride to the top to see the amazing view with your date and share a lasting memory. Apart from the spectacular view of the city, try to see if you can spot Chicago!

707 North First Street, St Louis, MO 63102-2526
Contact: 877.982.1410 or www.gatewayarch.com

Fun-Filled Frills: The Magic House

Yes, it is a children’s attraction but you don’t have to be a child to enjoy it.  There is something simple and fun about magic, even if explainable, that brings a flutter to our hearts as we allow our inner child to be entertained.

Take your date and bedazzle them with a few magic tricks.

What’s up your sleeve?

516 South Kirkwood Road, St Louis, MO 63122-5926
Contact: 314.822.8900 or www.magichouse.org

A Day Adventure: St Louis Zoo

The largest zoo in the United States and home to some of the most exotic pets, the St Louis Zoo is a day of fun and excitement for anyone. See the beautiful snow leopards perched up on a branch up high or the world’s largest anaconda in the Reptile House and so many more awesome creatures. Did I forget to mention that all this comes absolutely FREE?! You couldn’t ask for a better date idea than this!

1 Government Drive, St Louis, MO 63110-1332
Contact: 314-789-0900 or www.stlzoo.org

Follow-Up Science: Science Center

Make it two dates in one by going across the street to the St Louis Science Center after a morning of fun at the zoo and get yet another several hours of free fun. It’s not just your run of the mill science center, it’s one of the best in the nation.

Learn something together with your date and see the sparks begin to fly.

5050 Oakland Avenue, St Louis, MO 63110-1404
Contact: 314.289.4400 or www.slsc.org

Have A Drink: Anheuser-Busch Brewery

For the beer connoisseurs out there or just about anyone who likes to see how things are made, plan a trip to the beautiful Anheuser-Busch Brewery and take a tour of their wonderful facilities. You’ll get to see their brewery in process, the bottling of all those delicious beers and even get up close and personal with some of the most beautiful Clydesdales you’ll ever set eyes on! Afterwards, sit and enjoy a drink with your date as you regale over your favorite parts of the tour.

12th Street and Lynch Street, St Louis, MO 63118
Contact: 314.577.2626 or http://www.budweisertours.com/

To Be Continued…

There are just so many wonderful things to do in beautiful St Louis, Missouri, I don’t feel I can truly do it justice in one post! So check back later for the next edition of Great Dates in 50 States: St Louis, Missouri. In the meantime, plan your date today and get ready to have a great time with your special someone.

I’m a straight male with a submission fetish. Ideally, I’d like to find a lady who’s willing to explore it with me, but it seems a bit tawdry to put on my OKCupid page, for example. Do I just need to roll the dice and wait to get to know my dates before asking them if they’d be cool with it? Or is there a way I can be more upfront about it without it being an utter turnoff?

- Fetish Guy

Dear Fetish Guy,

I’d like to begin by commending you on your ability to state your game and have no qualms with doing so. As progressed as our society has become, I fear we are still in a sexual dark age. While it is mostly frowned upon to parade around in full-body latex, wield a riding crop and punish a very bad boy for not saying “please mistress,” it is generally not seen as a terrible thing to have some sort of fetish. Particularly control based fetishes, which are fairly common. Believe me when I say: you are not alone!

It is the submissive that has the true power; for he is the one saying “dominate me.”

Writing an online profile is often a daunting task (believe us, we do it for a living). We recognize it is the first impression we make and are often afraid to scare people off by admitting something as “weird” as a fetish.

However, there’s nothing keeping you from making two first impressions. While I don’t believe that your fetish is too “tawdry” for OKCupid of all places, if you feel that you must keep this part of yourself separate, why not have a second profile? You could even make one without a photo, saying that you would gladly share it with a Domme who asks.

You can also seek out dating sites that are tailored to less “mainstream” tastes. There are plenty of adult dating sites, both national and regional, to choose from. I’ve been active on several and have made some good friends through them.

Whether or not you are upfront about your secret desires, there is always the risk that the relationship is not going to work out, even if you find your domina. Begin by asking yourself what it is you really want. If you just want to explore your fetish with no strings attached, then put it on your profile. If you want a lasting relationship, one way or another, you need to find a partner who is good, game, giving and therefore willing to explore with you.

Happy hunting!

Have a question for Sometimes Y? Submit it anonymously through our Contact Us page. Click here.

Dear Y,

I’ve been dating this girl for a few weeks now and really like her.  We’re going out at least 2 or 3 nights a week and have started to get physical. But I’m not sure how to start the conversation about whether we’re “exclusive” or “official” or “going steady” etc.  Do you have any advice on how to broach the subject?

- Is She “My Girl?”

Dear ISMG,

There comes a time in every relationship when the dreaded question must come up…

“Are we exclusive?”

How though, do you GET there? How do you push through all the butterflies and what-ifs and disaster scenarios in your head and get the words out of your mouth?

This is a story about how Mr. Right Now became my Mr. Right.

When Mr. Right and I first started dating, things were definitely on the casual side. We had dinner, we fooled around. Definitely a Mr. Right Now relationship, rather than two adults seeking a genuine love relationship with each other. One hookup turned into two and before I knew it, we were talking about taking a vacation at the beach!

Even after a planned romantic getaway, the subject of our “relationship” had yet to come up.

Were we exclusive or were we just on a very expensive hookup?

Was I open to date other eligible bachelors (and bachelorettes!) or was that an assumed no?

Was he going to bed thinking about me or the many other entries in his little black book?

Though I do have a tendency to be like Samantha of Sex in the City, I eventually began to break down and wonder. Was I the only sex he was getting in the city? I suddenly realized I had accidentally gotten to know Mr. Right Now so well that he became my number one contender for Mr. Right!

No matter what my insecurities were, I now had to define our relationship before either of us took another step. I seized the opportunity during our next… date and decided to pop the question.

“Mr. Right Now,” I began, snuggling close to him.  ”I was wondering, where do you see this headed?”

He looked a bit puzzled.  “Do you really need clarification? I mean, we’ve done it so many times now…”

“No, no, I meant us! I think this is a good time to mention it, don’t you?”

“Can we talk about this after we’re done?”

“Actually, no. Now’s good for me, thanks.”

“If you want to know, I think I’m falling in love with you.”

“Are you just saying that?”

“No, I mean it.”

And there you have it. As quick as a flash, Mr. Right Now became my Mr. Right.

On the flip side of things, I have had many conversations with Mr. Wrong(s) that landed me completely on the opposite end of the galaxy.  A relationship I thought was going somewhere was just a fling for them.

Is this annoying? Yes.  Does it hurt? Yes.

But looking back, getting that conversation out of the way was the best thing that could have happened for me, because I never wasted time on a relationship that wasn’t going where I wanted it to go.  In the long run, brought me to Mr. Right.

The moral of the story? Jump in and have the conversation. If you’re at the point where you want to be exclusive to her, then suck it up and say it. No matter what happens, your life will eventually be better for getting the answer.

A few months ago a met a geek. I was totally excited cause he was into all the same things: movies, video games, sci-fi, staying in rather than going out, he had a toy collection, light sabers, Star Wars, all that stuff. And he was actually funny and cute. He was the closest I’d met to someone I could actually see myself in a relationship in like 3 years.

But then he told me he had no sex drive (and I saw his tiny tiny child sized bed… total turn-off). I broke things off because I have a healthy drive and I just foresaw problems down the road… which I’m still certain I was right about.

But now I’m concerned that all geeks are going to be this way. Are all geek men grown virgins and perpetually twelve years old if they’re that much into toys and movies and video games? Should I look for a different breed or just resign myself to a sexless marriage with someone who’s otherwise a perfect fit?

– Frustrated Geek Girl

y answers:

Dear FGG,

Let me begin by stressing this most important point: NEVER give up your hopes of finding your perfect geek! It is safe to say your encounter with Geek Placid is one that is a once in a lifetime fluke. Ask any girl out there and they’ll all agree! Everybody has met the “otherwise perfect.” Don’t let one unfortunate encounter discourage you. There are plenty of geeks in the sea!

Just take a look at the facts. Geeks are the same boys that grew up having crushes on you in school. They went to the science fair with the largest collection of bugs in hopes of impressing you. They offered up their homework-completing skills without being asked, just to see you smile and maybe score a hug. They are the guys that have always been on the receiving end of the line: “Thanks, you’re such a great FRIEND.” Is it any wonder that many of them believe that nice guys finish last?

This adds up to complete sexual frustration!

This means geek guys are – 9 times out of 10 – sex EXPERTS. They’ve probably had enough time to read every book and website about sexual technique and watched every “educational video” about how to please a woman! Though you may meet the occasional virgin, don’t be worried! I guarantee, even if it’s “fresh out of the box” he won’t need tech support.

So get back out there… and happy test driving!

- y

This Valentine’s Day, why not give your lover something that will bring the spark out of your fantasy and into your pants?!

Here are the top 5 sexy gifts your special geek will just love!

5. Read Together

Reading doesn’t have to be boring even if it doesn’t include dark elves or Imperial forces! 1,001 Best Places to Have Sex in America: A When, Where, and How Guide is a fantastic book that will give you tons of ideas about places to get down and dirty. Whether you want to experiment around the house, get in tune with nature, or get caught in the act, you’ll find plenty of ideas here.

4. Adorable Naughty Toys

I Rub My Duckie Personal Massager – This little guy is not only pleasurable but cute. He looks all sweet and innocent, too, so you don’t have to worry about hiding him when you have guests.

If she’s not a duck fan, there’s an entire line of various cute creatures to choose from!

3. I Salsa You

Sign up for a weekend course of salsa classes and let the heat move your feet while you dance the dance of sex!

2. Paint together

A perfect opportunity to connect with each other on a more private level! Grab some body paint and take turns painting “outfits” onto each other and watch the excitement begin!

1. Couples Massage

Take it as advice from a therapist and find a nice spa in town! Treat you and your lover to an afternoon of sensual relaxation! Studies have shown that romance and interest ignite when two bodies connect in a peaceful and comforting environment!

Happy Valentine’s Day! Email me if you’d like to ask a dating & sex related question – I’m looking for your questions to write more “Ask Y” columns.

I don’t have a coat (unfortunate, but true).  Most mornings, I suck it up and just withstand the cold since you only really need a coat one day a year here in North Carolina.

Until, of course, this morning.  My boyfriend and I were getting ready to walk out the door when his extra coat (that’s been hanging in our closet) began to look very warm and inviting against the dreadful cold that loomed on the other side of our front door. Pressed for time, I grabbed it and we went on our merry way.

I immediately felt something press against my side but dismissed it as the coat pushing my cell phone against my body.

This is where I must say – don’t ever dismiss ANYTHING your intuition questions.

We get to the light rail station and do our morning car swapping ritual (he takes the light rail while I rack up the miles on the odometer) when again, I noticed something press against my side as I hugged him good-bye.

It wasn’t until approximately 10 minutes later, while I was stopped at a red light, that I rested my hand on that very spot again and noticed that it was definitely NOT my phone.  It was also in the left coat pocket. A pocket I had yet to use.

“Okay,” I thought, “Lucy [his ex - not her real name] was a pothead. It must be a cigar she was going to turn into a blunt.”

Without even realizing it, I unzipped the pocket, reached my hand inside and proceeded to pull out said “cigar.” Is anyone thinking Bill and Monica yet? Well, it’s worse. I don’t know what happened first…

..the realization that I was holding a vibrator…

…a USED VIBRATOR…

…a used vibrator in MY BOYFRIEND’S COAT POCKET…

…a used vibrator in my boyfriend’s coat pocket that BELONGED TO HIS EX-WIFE…

…or that EVERY DRIVER AROUND ME AT THE STOP LIGHT WAS LAUGHING THEIR ASSES OFF!

I immediately call my boyfriend, feeling embarrassed and almost betrayed.  Not to mention the loss of dignity!  I explain what had just transpired and the reply I received left very little to be desired.

“Well, that explains where it went…”

What?!  I’m usually very collected and quick to reach a point of understanding in unusual situations. I usually respond to them quite rationally. However, this is one of those things that you see in movies, hear about on TV or even read about on “stupid news” but NEVER would expect to happen in real life!! I am at a complete loss as to what I’m feeling or how I’m supposed to feel.

In the end, I love him and I know he loves me, which is all that matters. Nevertheless, the question remains, how thorough should one be when faced with a spring cleaning of past relationships? Is it fair to expect every trace of your beloved’s past relationships never to haunt your present? Or do things like this, in fact, happen to every couple?

What do you think?

My girlfriend and I would like to experiment in a non-traditional relationship.  What sort of venues/advice do you have for geeks like us?

Sincerely,

Looking to Fill a Big Bed

Dear Big Bed,

Aren’t you glad E hired me to answer all these fun questions?!  I’m the new girl in town and my sole purpose – other than occasionally geeking out about Hello Kitty! -  is to answer all the questions about intimate relationships.  I have been around the world in more ways than one and I promise I’m well qualified to address any sort of adult dating/sexually-natured questions that could come my way, so ask away!

Going back to your question, I would like to point out first that there are two types of relationships you and your girlfriend are considering.  The both of you should make sure to be very clear which one you’re looking to experiment with first.  Although both have the multiple partner concept in common they are vastly different in approach and execution!  In my experience, many people mistake a polyamorous relationship for a polygamous relationship.

• polygamy < po·lyg·a·my > -  marriage in which a spouse of either sex may have more than one mate at the same time
• polyamorous < poly·am·ory > - the state or practice of having more than one open romantic relationship at a time

There are some basic do’s and don’ts much like in a more traditional monogamous relationship.  We should all know these before experimenting with any sort of multi-partnered relationships.

Trust and honesty are always important, whether you’re looking at one mate or ten.  DON’T lie, conveniently misplace the truth or somehow twist the panes of glass around to reflect only the pure and innocent white parts of a lie.  DO be considerate of your mate(s) because in the end, your duet is going to come out a bit one-sided if you can’t learn to SHARE the microphone.  Relationships can be practical, we just have a tendency to make them more complicated than they should be.  I always remember, whether it is just myself or if there are others sharing Herr Groß* with me, everything has boundaries.

• Realize it is not because you are not enough, rather, it is because there is so much love to be shared with you that you are in the bed too.
• Remember that if you can’t trust someone to do something with you, then you definitely can’t trust them to do it behind your back!  In other words, if you do it, do it.  If you don’t know you want to, then you’ve already got something to think about.
• Talk about it!  Both of you should agree on a general set of rules.  Stick to the rules but more importantly, keep in mind that you may have to make some revisions, and that’s to be expected.  We can’t all know exactly what to expect the first time we get behind the wheel.

If you haven’t gotten very far into the lifestyle, you may also be wondering where to start.  The local flea market seems as likely a place to find a playmate as the neighborhood bar.  Chances are, you’ve probably already found the typical and well advertised websites such as AdultFriendFinder, SwingLifeStyles, PlayfulSwingers and many others.

The truth is, there is no difference between finding a date when you’re single vs finding a date when you’re a couple.  Not everything works for everybody and you just have to try it out.  Some sites are designed for people who are all about hooking up while other sites are more for social networking with like-minded people.  In general, you’re going to find all sorts of people everywhere you go so pick somewhere that seems comfortable to you and your girlfriend, perhaps even a local club in town!

Happy Dating!

-y

*For those of you who are inquisitive and wish to know, Herr Groß (obviously not his real name) is the object of my affection, my little piece of heaven, my prince in shining armor and yes, guys, he’s a very, very lucky man!

While waiting for my special package to arrive, it occurred to me that apart from apparel and accessories, Hello Kitty really doesn’t have much of an adult appeal.  By the time the game arrived, I really wasn’t sure if it would be something I’d voluntarily choose to play in my spare time or just the cute game that I log into when my daughter comes to visit.

When I dove into that vivid and familiar world of Hello Kitty, I quickly realized my apprehensions about the games’ overall playability and likability were needless.

Any true Hello Kitty fan would fall in love at first sight of the familiarity and cuteness that only Sanrio would produce. Anyone new to the world of Hello Kitty would feel instantly welcome and excited to begin exploring immediately.

The story begins exactly as though you are watching another episode of Hello Kitty & Friends. After a brief explanation of the 5 w’s (who, what, when, where and why), the game goes directly into character creation. I would have preferred more choices in the customization page so new players don’t all end up looking like each other. However, it did not take long before I was able to acquire new attire and even weapons for my many tasks to come!

The game is loaded with many adventures that are located all over the map. Some of the adventures can be slightly complex.

I put it to the 6 year old test and am happy to say that Hello Kitty Online is designed for players of all ages. Although I have yet to find Hello Kitty herself, I did find a few familiar Hello Kitty friends. I haven’t gone too deep into the woods yet, but I am certainly looking forward to it!

Look for my update on missions and cool stuff.  Want to join me for some beta testing fun?  Come on down to Hello Kitty Online!

Happy Gaming!

Dear Y,

When is a good time to bring up sex? Both as talking about it in general and talking about it as preparation to do the deed.

- Birds and Bees

Dear BB,

In a world where 14-year-old girls look old enough to work the beer tub at your favorite club and every marketing strategy has turned into SEX, SEX, SEX that first sexual conversation still eludes the best of us.

If a guy says something too early, he’s a dirty pervert who’s just out to get laid.  (If a girl says something too early, her date might think she’s a bit too liberal with her dates.)

If you wait too long, she’ll think you’re not interested or in some cases, gay.  If it’s just in good fun, a joke made with a strong sexual tone could be ill-received if you just don’t have good timing.  However, there is good news!  Most people are generally born with a good sense of humor and it is unlikely you will be insulting anyone with your pickle, cucumber and penis joke!

Although, I would strongly suggest exercising enough common sense and DO NOT open your first date with anything meant for a more intimate setting.  (E reminds me of a first date during which she was told: “I have a size problem, and not in the small way.”  Ha!)

Generally, we can gauge a person’s sense of humor by being observant and taking cues from their profile, their pictures, their interactions with people and any exchange you have had with them.

It would be wise to wait until you hear that intuition bell ring before opening the doors to any sort of sexual conversation.

In regards to having that oh-so-necessary prep talk, I don’t think there is an exact time or stage for that conversation.  My recommendation is to have that conversation somewhere between that first arousing kiss and the formal removal of clothing!

If you start the conversation too early, you send a clear alarm bell the other way and we just don’t want that to happen.  If you wait too long to have “the talk” then you run the risk of a “pheromone blockade.”  We have all experienced this in the past.  We get a little carried away in the heat of the moment and the only priority is the alluring pheromones that are clouding our brains and our judgment!

Again, the only real answer I could give you is to trust your instincts and rely on experience to show you the way.

Happy dating!

- y.

Got a question about intimate relationships?  Y will be answering your questions as a regular feature here on Geek’s Dream Girl.  You can email your question to her directly or use the Anon-O-Box and send them anonymously.