But t-shirts don’t fit into every situation.  Maybe you have a job that doesn’t require a uniform, but would frown on uniforms.  In my case, I like t-shirts, but they’re some of the least flattering things I could wear (and don’t get me started on ‘babydoll’ shirts either, I’m not twelve anymore).  But why should we feel like we’re in disguise most of the time until we pull on our supergeek costume?  Why not express ourselves through fashion that’s not 100% cotton?  Here are a few ways to go geek chic:

Accessorize

This is a big one, and it can take many, many forms.  Maybe it’s a vintage Wonder Woman watch from the 70s.  Maybe it’s a Gryffindor scarf on cold days.  The key is to remember that necklaces aren’t the only accessories, and accessories aren’t only the territory of women.  Try, for example:

iPin Recycled Apple Key Pin in Stainless Steel from Keyed Up (etsy) – this tie tack is fairly subtle, but will get a grin out of anyone who takes a good look.

Doctor Who Master’s Pocket Watch from ThinkGeek – this watch will fit in with even the stuffiest of dress codes, but you’re reminded constantly of how wildly different the Master became once Russell T Davies got his hands on him… Okay, it was a pretty novel way to bring back a character, I’ll give him that, which means this Pocket Watch represents the best of that arc.

Make Every Day a Costume Day

If you’re like me, you imagined what being an “adult” would be like, and the kinds of clothes you’d wear.  And if you’re like me, most of your wardrobe doesn’t live up to the expectations of past-you.  But why not?  Why not wear cool suits with skinny ties?  Why not wear dresses that might fit in on Mad Men?  It seems like we spend a lot of time just “putting in time” until we can actually live.  Why not find something within the boundaries of your everyday life that you actually enjoy wearing?  And even if you feel you’re just “dressing up” like Adult You or Character of Your Choice… well, at least it’s still more fun.  A few looks from which to take inspiration that still might fit in your everyday life:

Your Favorite Doctor –  Well, maybe not the sixth or seventh.  The second and third might be a little fancy. Still, we’re not talking exact cosplay here, just inspiration.  Go for tweed!  For bowties!  For hair gel!  For a rugged leather jacket and your best scowl!

Sherlock – Or Watson.  They’re both well-dressed.  Sherlock favors scarves and suits, while Watson does cable-knit sweaters and button-up shirts with a military-inspired jacket.  The show’s own costume designer has said she’s fond of shopping at places like TK Maxx (TJ Maxx for us Americans) to stay on budget, so don’t think you have to break the bank to dress the way you want.

Dexter - I realize the other options are rather… warm.  For summer (and more casual) ideas, maybe consider checking out the guys from Miami Metro.  Angel, in particular, wears some styles that might be flattering if you’re a larger guy.

Torchwood – Not everyone works in an office.  If you’re looking for something a little more rugged, check out the cast of Torchwood.  Leather, canvas, denim, shades of gray and black.  Each piece of clothing looks like it’s been designed to take a beating, which is a good thing, with that crew.

I realize this might be a more male-focused article, because it seems like men get forgotten when it comes to fashion.  But aside from Joan, some of my personal favorites include: Mary Margaret Blanchard from Once Upon a Time, Angela Montenegro from Bones, and Gwen from the aforementioned Torchwood, to name a few.

Save It Up

That is, do something once or twice a year that is so incredibly geeky that you’ll bask in the glow of it for the rest of the year.  You don’t need clothes to prove your geek cred.  Everyone who sees you will know.   For example: this Krang costume from a few years ago, made for an office Halloween party.

Now, again, that’s not to say we should all burn our beloved t-shirts – far from it.  This is intended to remind us of options that remain when our t-shirts are removed from the equation.

What about you?  What are some of your favorite pieces of geek fashion?  Do you have any tips to add or recommendations? 

It wasn’t all that long ago that seeing a gay character on television was groundbreaking; to see one with a functioning love life even more so. The first openly gay characters on television were almost always minor, one-shot characters that were almost angelically celibate, and only started showing up in the late seventies and early eighties. When two men were shown in bed together on an episode of thirtysomething in 1989 and the show lost over a million dollars. Then came the nineties, and suddenly we were here, we were queer, we were everywhere! But mainly on Will & Grace.

But the subject came up again and it got me thinking – just what is the current state of QueerTV these days? We have our niche markets – RuPaul’s Drag Race (which just debuted a new season this past week), The Real L Word (or, as I like to call it, Real Lesbian Housewives), the defunct Queer As Folk and The L Word. There’s our mainstream gays on Glee, and unnaturally pale gays on True Blood. But for your average redblooded American TV fan, how gay is their tube?

I’m a democratic, statistical kind of person. All I ask for is representation by population. The current statistics say that ten percent of the American population is gay, and that percentage is split about 60-40 between gay woman and gay men. The latest issue of Entertainment Weekly (my preferred bathroom reading – yes, I am that shallow) provided the ten most-watched (scripted) television shows on a weekly basis, and my own experience and Wikipedia provided the matching queerlysis. So, Geek’s Dream Girl, in association with D Has Too Much Time On Her Hands Productions, presents:

How Gay Is Your TV?

• The Big Bang Theory: No gay characters. Except maybe Amy Farrah Fowler.
• CSI: Only gay character is the occasional corpse. Unless you read that secret notebook of Warrick/Greg slashfic I had in high school.
• Criminal Minds: Nope. No gays here.
• NCIS: Again, not unless you read my secret notebook of . . . okay, you get the picture.
• Rob: . . . haven’t even heard of this one. Apparently it’s both terrible and terribly straight.
• The Good Wife: Kalinda Sharma is unapologetically and authentically bisexual! Yay for The Good Wife! Also, they get half a princess point for having Alan Cumming, even if he plays a straight man. Still, the gorgeous Archie Punjabi’s bi lawyer only brings the percentage of queer characters to six percent, just short of the ten-percent goal.
• Once Upon a Time: As far as I know, no gays to be found in Storybrooke, but the show is young enough that this could change.
• CSI: Miami: Finally, a procedural which – oops, no, nevermind.
• The Mentalist: Move along, nothing to see here.
• Person of Interest: Another fairly new show, once again the only gay characters that appear are as victims or, dare I say it, persons of interest.

Unfortunately, the next three shows don’t regularly make the top-ten lists, but are so popular I feel they deserve a mention:

• The Office: I am biased, but I think this is hands-down my favourite representation of a gay character in a currently running television show. Oscar is openly gay, it’s discussed in the show, he has relationships, discusses sex, hangs out in bear bars, and yet, it never becomes an issue or a focus or a special episode. It isn’t even his defining quirk. Percentage-wise, with only Oscar representin’, The Office still comes in at a piddly five percent.
• Modern Family: Rings in with twenty percent of the main cast queer as a three dollar bill, but both men.
• Glee: Stacks the odds with twenty-six percent of the main cast being gay, and that percentage split squarely between male and female characters.

In conclusion: More gay characters, especially under-represented gay women, in three-dimensional, well-rounded roles. And some dudes kissing.

Disagree with me? Find the list biased? Think some shows deserve more of a shout-out? Leave a comment!

Don’t believe me when I say that being a Rings Geek is in? Look at a show like The Big Bang Theory, where they’ve had an episode involving the characters fighting over a Lord of the Rings propr of the One Ring. Viewers may not want to identify with those guys, but I bet they do. The internet hit a near standstill when the Hobbit trailer hit the waves. The first Hobbit movie is proving one of the most anticipated movies of the year. This is a time when those of us who’ve always been into Professor Tolkien’s works can smugly fold our arms, smile at our more mainstream friends, and say “Told you so.”

And yet, for all that, there are still levels of Rings geekiness that step beyond the normal. I’m going to give you several examples that, I will admit, are dredged gently from my own life. I know there are bigger Tolkien Geeks out there, but maybe you have a burgeoning geekiness of your own, and you want to enhance it…to Tweak your Geek, if you will. Read on, my friends.

Watching the Movie in Every Room

For Christmas, a good friend gave me the Blu-Ray Extended Edition Set of The Lord of the Rings. This was a safe bet to be a fave, since I adore the trilogy. What he likely didn’t realize is that the set came not only with the Blu-Rays, but also with a digital copy. Mmmm. In short order, I had this downloaded onto my desktop. Which means that in slightly longer order, it was loaded onto my iPad. And uploaded into my iTunes. Which means that, because I have a laptop, I can choose between streaming it on my laptop from my desktop, or watching it on my iPad. Heck, I could put the Blu-Ray on my TV, stream it on my laptop, and watch it on my iPad. All at once!

I have not done so, nor do I intend to, but you see my point.

Elvish Singing Is Not to Be Missed

But Andy, I hear you say, what if we want to relax, maybe unwind with some music before bed? Why for that, I offer two fine choices.
Contrary to all logic, the music from the Lord of the Rings Musical is good. No, that’s not quite true. The music from the Lord of the Rings musical is downright rapturous. I resisted buying it, because I didn’t see how that would be possible. To my chagrin, just at the moment that I discovered that I loved it and began to eye airfare to London (not just to see it, of course…but surely we could go to England…and then see it while we were there), I found out the musical was closing in 2 days. If it had been just a few weeks earlier, I would’ve made it happen. Yes, I would.

A ways back through a Live365 station called The Shire Radio, I discovered the existence of The Tolkien Ensemble. In pretty short order, I got my grubby paws on a copy of their ultimate collection: The Complete Songs & Poems. This is, literally, every piece of music and poetry in The Lord of the Rings, set to music and performed by this group, which includes Christopher Lee in their number! Even if some of the singers double and triple up in their roles (the same singer voices Frodo, Sam, and Tom Bombadil, for example), this is still quite good. The songs are not simple pieces, but many of them are quite complex and generally quite good.

Just to add one piece which I no longer have in a format I can enjoy, I used to own a cassette of an album called Poems & Songs of Middle-Earth. Side 1 was readings by Tolkien of poetry both from the Lord of the Rings and the Adventures of Tom Bombadil. Side 2 was music set to some of Tolkien’s works by the composer Donald Swann. While I found the music in this of no great quality, listening to Tolkien’s pronunciations and rolling language in his own voice is kind of a Geek-out treat.

Oh, hmm. There’s a vinyl copy on eBay. Excuse me…

It’s in the Book!

The purest way to enjoy Tolkien, of course, is to read the books. And I’m not just talking about The Lord of the Rings.

A couple of years back, inspired by all the fun I was having in LOTRO (no I’m not using LOTRO in this article…too easy…), I decided to reread The Silmarillion, The Hobbit, and The Lord of the Rings, back to back. When I started, I thought I was going to make myself a little crazy. In reality, however, it was completely inspiring. You come to realize that there are plots that begin in The Silmarillion and only come to fruition in The Lord of the Rings.

My personal favorite example of this phenomenon is as follows: In The Silmarillion, we learn that the elf Feanor makes the Great Jewels – the Silmarils. These possessed the light of the two trees Laurelin and Telperion, which once made all the light in the Blessed Realms of the West. The great enemy Morgoth (Sauron’s old boss) lured Ungoliant, Mother of Spiders, to the two trees, and got her to drink their light, then ran off with the Silmarils, thus taking all the light of the Two Trees with him.

With me so far?

The Silmarillion concerns itself greatly with the war against Morgoth, a fair amount of which concerns the Silmarils and attempts to get them back. You might recall that Aragorn and Sam both mention that the story of Beren and Luthien involves a Great Jewel. Yup. That was a Silmaril. But there’s a name associated with the Silmarils that’s even more important to the War of the Ring.

“Eärendil was a mariner…” begins the poem Bilbo recites in Rivendell. And Aragorn mentions that Bilbo is displaying a fair amount of sac by telling a story of Eärendil in Elrond’s house. You might wonder why that would be until you look at who Eärendil was. He was Elrond’s father, the son of a human, Tuor, and an elf, Idril, daughter of Turgon, the King of Gondolin. As a side note, Gondolin, you may recall from The Hobbit, was where Sting was forged for the Goblin Wars, as well as Orcrist and Glamdring.

So okay, why was it a big deal to mention Elrond’s father in Elrond’s home? Well, long ago, when Morgoth the Enemy was making Middle-Earth even more miserable than it was under Sauron’s rule, Eärendil sailed west across the sea, hoping to gain the help of the Valar (the gods) against Morgoth. At first, he couldn’t find his way, but then his wife Elwing brought him the Silmaril that Beren and Luthien (her ancestors) had stolen from Morgoth. With its light, Eärendil was able to sail across the sea and get the Valar to help against Morgoth.

As a token of their love for Middle-Earth and as a sign of hope to those who dwelt there, the Valar hung the Silmaril on the prow of Eärendil’s ship and set him to sail it across the skies of Middle-Earth every night as the Evening Star.

This has a point, I swear. Stick with me just a little longer.

When Galadriel gives Frodo a parting gift in Lothlorien, she gives him a Phial of waters from her fountain. In these waters, she says, has been captured “the light of Eärendil’s star”. So here, she’s giving Frodo just a tiny fraction of the power of the Two Trees of Valinor. And what primary purpose do Frodo and Sam use the Phial for? They use it to discomfort and even to some degree to poison Shelob, the giant spider. And how does Tolkien describe Shelob’s ancestry? She is the “last child of Ungoliant to trouble the unhappy world.” Ungoliant? We covered that name before.

So Sam and Frodo use the last smidgeon of the light of the Two Trees, filtered through Eärendil’s star and the Phial of Galadriel, to defeat the descendent of the evil spider-goddess-thing that destroyed the Two Trees in the first place! Why you’d think the Professor had that all worked out, somehow! Well, that’s a lot easier to believe when you remember that he only wrote The Lord of the Rings when he couldn’t get any publisher interested in the Silmarillion, which was only published posthumously.

Whew! Long story there, but that’s the kind of stuff you come to realize when you take the time to read the books together. The Simarillion can be rough reading at times, but it can be a rewarding read, as well.

Your Turn

Okay, I’ve definitely geeked out hard enough for one article. Are you a tolkien geek, too? Do you feel a pang of injustice everytime you think of characters who didn’t make it into PJ’s movies, like Erkenbrand, Glorfindel, or Tom Bombadil? Did you raise a glass at 9 PM on January 3rd and say “The Professor”? Do you have a particularly geeky JRRT story, item, or tradition? I’ve cooked recipes for Lembas Bread. More than one. More than once, even! I even once held a “watch all three extended edition movies back to back, with themed meals in between” party, and I may do so again! Imagine all five movies (once the two Hobbit films are out in Extended Edition!) back to back. Oh my. That may be even too much geeking for me. In any case, I invite you to share your own Tolkien geekery here.

Cobalt Valkyrie’s ship, which commonly hangs out in wormhole space her corporation lives in.

GDG: How did you get into playing EVE?

CV: I was playing this random flash game with a steampunk airship aesthetic.  I was the leader of a clan, and one of the people I played with told me on several occasions that I’d probably really like this game called Eve.  He didn’t play because he didn’t have time with school, but kept trying to convince me I’d love it.  Finally, I signed up for the free trial, and was immediately hooked.

GDG: Why EVE and not a different MMO?

CV: Honestly, I think it was a right time/right place sort of thing.  I’ve been into other games in the past, but stopped due to RSI problems.   Eve turned out to be a good game for me in that regard, because you don’t have to constantly clutch the mouse and button mash to accomplish things.  That allowed me to play long enough to make social connections, and get to appreciate the depth of the game.  That depth is one of the reasons I still play – there is so much to do in Eve that you don’t get bored easily.

GDG: How did you learn the ins and outs of the game?

CV: Because there are so many things you can do in Eve, I was overwhelmed by my choices at first and had no idea what I wanted to do.  I joined Eve University, which is a corporation specifically designed towards helping noobs learn about the game.  While there, I went out on a PvP fleet and immediately knew how I wanted to spend my game time.  I became friends with a tight knit group of combat pilots, and they became my mentors.  I also spent a lot of time reading wikis and forums to learn how various mechanics worked,  and, as always, I learned some things the hard way (namely, via getting exploded).

GDG: Do you consider yourself part of a particular EVE community?

CV: Several, I suppose.  There is my corporation, which is analogous to a clan in other MMOs.  This is the group of people that I’m on comms with and regularly fly with.  Additionally, I’m part of “The Sound,” which is an in-game chat channel for Seattle area Eve players.  I organize occasional RL meetups for this group.  There is also the WGoE, Women Gamers of Eve, a channel specifically for Eve’s female players.  It’s a nice place to hang out and talk with other people who know what it’s like to constantly hear “OMG, is that a GIRL on comms?!”

GDG: Can you tell me the type/model of your ship?

CV: It’s a Proteus, which is a Strategic Cruiser. There are four different strategic cruisers in the game, one corresponding to each race.  The Proteus is the Gallente Strategic Cruiser.

They’re neat because they’ve much more configurable than other ships.  Most ships, they’re set up a certain way and that’s what you have to work with.  They have set characteristics, and a certain number of slots… places to put modules such as weapons, defensive reinforcements, etc.  Strategic cruisers are very flexible, because they have different Subsystems that you plug in (for lack of a better term) to your ship hull, and each subsystem gives you different numbers of slots and abilities.  They’re especially popular with people that fly in wormhole space all the time, because they’re fairly small and lightweight (important because wormholes only allow a limited mass to pass through), but they have very strong offensive/defensive capabilities.”

GDG: Who would you recommend EVE to?

CV: Eve isn’t a game for everyone.  Some people liken it to a second job more than a game.  I frequently hear people say Eve isn’t always fun, but it’s very rewarding, and I agree with that sentiment.  It has a lot of complicated mechanics, and most people I know play Eve with multiple spreadsheets open.  That said, it’s an amazingly expansive world, with many ways to entertain yourself.  It’s a very social game – it’s not really designed for solo play. I’ve made some great friends though Eve.

Ultimately, I’d say if you like spaceships, and you like a world with a lot of depth, it’s worth checking out.

Have fond memories of your first MMO? Share them in the comments!

Note: there are probably going to be major spoilers here.  Kind of difficult to talk about where a story should go without referring to where it’s been.

The future is not the way of the future

Most ideas I’ve seen involve Portal 3 picking up just minutes after the second one ends – that is, with Chell in the outside world and the facility destroyed.  The idea is, you can incorporate novel settings and situations, and finally get out of those test chambers.

It’s a fun idea in theory.  Here’s my issue, though: It would be way too easy to, well, wind up in space, for example.  Without the contained facility you’d either have to have some artificial constraint (like a range to the Portal gun, though we’ve already seen it take us to the moon) or the limits of the game “zone” would be way too obvious.

Plus, Chell was sleeping for how many years?  Who’s to say the world even resembles anything like what we’ve seen?  Technology would either be vastly advanced or there’s none at all.  Might make for some interesting fiction, but not really a good Portal sequel.

Sweet…

In my opinion, there’s really only one direction you can go for Portal 3:  Caroline.  Either with her as the protagonist or an immediate superior, or maybe even a an earlier version of GLaDOS who feels a shred of empathy for the test subjects (we know she’s never been keen on the scientists).  I somewhat like the idea of a Caroline who was in charge of the facility in human form for awhile before they were ready to “put her in the computer,” one who might have been in charge of experiments and concepts we’ve never seen in the Portal games to date.

“But J,” you might be saying, “That means we’ll be right back at Aperture, probably even parts of Aperture we’ve already seen!”  Yes… or no.  What if Aperture weren’t the only testing location?  What if you can play through failed attempts at testing out in the open (space!)?

Or how about this: it’s unclear if Caroline was literally “put into” the computer at the cost of her own life, or if she was merely copied.  What if she attempted to co-exist with GLaDOS for some time?  What might that dynamic be like?  Would she flee to a different facility?  Would she attempt to battle GLaDOS?  Or, conversely, could Caroline then be a completely different, cold and calculating character?

Regardless, I think we’ll have to, by necessity, step at least a little into the past to get more Aperture inventions.  Since Chell in Portal 2 was in a facility that was actively decomposing, who knows what we haven’t seen yet?  I know of one possibility: Mantis Men!  Also: time travel, guys.  There’s a possibility of time travel.

Okay, it might not be perfect, it might be riddled with holes, but there’s my idea.  And yes, Valve, I’m willing to sell it to you, thanks for asking.

Now, how about you?  What would you like to see in a new Portal game, either in storyline or game play?  Let’s hear your wildest speculation! 

Okay, let’s be real.  Vampires will never really die (pun intended).  They’ve been enjoying a slow, steady burn of popularity for the last 30 years at least.  The combination of sheer horror and a monster who looks normal – or attractive – has ignited our imaginations for years.  The vampire mythology is loose enough that you can make nearly any kind of vampire you like (as evidenced by Whitewolf’s Vampire: the Masquerade series).  Vampires will always be around, either in classic or reinvented form.

That being said, we’ve certainly been saturated with vampires for the last ten years.  You see, even though I can point to blips of vampire popularity in the past – The Lost Boys, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Anne Rice novels that get discovered by every generation and made into movies once a decade or so – it’s only in the past ten years that the waves have begun to pile up on one another.  Buffy and Angel ran into Blade and Underworld.  The inclusion of werewolves in Underworld was right in tune with the Laurel K. Hamilton books that were taking the beach fiction world by storm.  Then came Twilight, which drove the meter past “popular” into “fad.”

HBO adapted the Sookie Stackhouse books into True Blood, the cooler older sibling of Twilight.  Meanwhile, the market was scrambling through its archives, searching for more to feed ravenous teens.  Enter the re-release and TV adaptation of The Vampire Diaries.  Enter two sequels to The Lost Boys.  Enter a remake of Fright Night (which, admittedly, I found surprisingly entertaining).

The problem with fads – with over-saturation – is that people get tired of them, at least in the short term.  Eventually, you find yourself comparing vamp faces against each other instead of allowing yourself to be immersed in a story.  The latest Underworld installment is perhaps the most obvious attempt to keep the fad alive, and it’s not doing well.  I think people will still remain loyal to their current favorites, whether it’s True Blood or The Vampire Diaries, but I don’t think they’re aching for any more.

So the question becomes: what will be the next big thing?

Zombies?

Well, zombies have certainly enjoyed a parallel surge in popularity over the last decade, one even easier to track than vampires (Hint: 28 Days Later).  Still, I don’t see them getting quite as big, ultimately.  Simply put, zombies are just too horrifying.  Or gross.  Or irredeemable.  They make for perfect, chilling horror stories, but lack broader appeal.  Maybe I’m biased, because zombies actually freak me out a fair amount (unless we’re talking Plants v. Zombies, which is adorable and hilarious).  But I’d really be surprised if vampires actually scare, well, anyone.

Werewolves?

How about werewolves?  Sadly, I think their time has passed in the short-term, because they’ve been lumped together with vampires so frequently.  Plus, I’m not sure they really make for interesting long-term stories.  They can’t really control themselves (unless you’re in Twilight, where everyone is repressively in control of everything), but they can be dispatched fairly easily.  Anything interesting can be better covered in a more traditional super-power-based storyline.

Aliens?

Well, maybe.  Little green (or gray) men had a surge of popularity in the mid-90s (as my high school bedroom can attest) but they faded out in the new century.  Could the world be ready for a resurgence of flying saucers and abductions?  Possibly, but something novel will have to light that fire, rather like Alien Nation and The X-FIles did in the early 90s.  It’s also possible that it’s just too soon.

Fantasy?

Uhoh, we’re treading into that category I know very little about.  I know urban fantasy, as well as urban paranormal thrillers, have been growing in popularity over time.  Grimm and Once Upon a Time are both rooted in modern times.  Even The Secret Circle has ditched the 90′s New Age elements of the books.  Slightly different, but still related, is the gritty world of Game of Thrones – no elves or unicorns here, but it’s undoubtedly fantasy.   Speaking of elves, we haven’t seen much of that lately, but The Hobbit is coming out in the next year, so we’ll see what that stirs up.  Whatever winds up at the top of the fad heap, we seem to be pulling away from horror in general.

If there’s anything the last decade has made clear, it’s that genres like sci-fi, fantasy, and horror are no longer the sole territory of the geek – instead, they’re a rich mine of material for the mainstream.  Your favorite property might well be the next blockbuster.

What about you?  What do you think will be the Next Big Thing?  What would you like to see grow in popularity?  

One downside of doing QA in the video game industry is, of course, the slightly grueling experience of crunch time, where testers are expected to put in long hours and late nights in a rush to get the final product out the door. As I am currently in the middle of said crunch time, I sadly have not been able to give much thought to anime, manga, or the blog articles ruminating on such. Hopefully things will return to normal in a few weeks and you can all enjoy your regularly scheduled geeky musings on the best and worst anime and manga has to offer.

In the meantime, however, I thought I would share a little something that has kept me sane during the interminable commute to and from work in the mornings and late nights; a simple little game on the iPhone, more card game than video game, which was the first app I purchased and is still one of my favorite games to play on the go.

Thus, I bring you a mini-review of Ascension: Chronicle of the Godslayer (and its expansion, Return of the Fallen) for iOS, a remarkably faithful and enjoyable adaptation of the widely popular card game and one of the best ways to while away a long or short commute.

The Sorcerer’s Apprentice
Like the card game I previously reviewed, Tanto Cuore, Ascension is a deck-building game in which players use their resources to buy new, better cards, defeat enemies, and win victory points. Every player starts with eight Apprentices (who provide “runes” to purchase cards with) and two Militia (who provide “battle” that can be stacked to defeat monsters). Between the players, five cards from the main deck are laid out at random in a row; these can be monsters who can be fought for victory points, or they can be heroes or constructs (“permanent” buffs to the player) which can be bought and shuffled into a player’s deck. Unlike many other deck-building games where you can often get stuck (e.g. tons of “money” to buy things with but nothing to buy), Ascension also provides a separate, endless supply of Mystics and Heavy Infantry (like super Apprentices and Militia respectively) and a poor hapless Cultist enemy to whack again and again and again if there are no other targets to take out your battle on. Game ends when the pool of victory points is empty; most victory points from battle and from purchased cards is the winner.

One of Asension’s strengths as a card game is how simple it is to grasp and how quick gameplay can progress, and the iOS version captures this flow perfectly. Once you have grasped the rules, play is quick and instinctive. The game’s fast animations and easy interface gets things moving, and rather than agonizing over each little decision, players will often find themselves smoothly improvising as they go along, experimenting with different card purchases, finding their own rhythm as the cards are laid out. Another great thing about Ascension is that it’s very rare to have a *bad* hand; while players are often left a bit short of battle or runes to do *exactly* what they wanted, there is almost always some great alternative to pick instead, and the permanent option of buying Mystics or Heavy Militia is a fantastic touch which always gives you good bang for your buck.
Dealing your hand with your finger

For people who are already fans of the card game, Ascension should be a must buy, hands down. Everything you love about the game is here, made easy and efficient thanks to some good design choices. There are plenty of complicated cards which could easily have tripped up an adaptation of the game (e.g. the numerous heroes who can banish cards in your hand or discard pile, or the card in the expansion which asks players to guess what the next card is), but everything is kept smooth and clear with very obvious pop-ups, colored outlines and so on. Cards can be played/kept/discarded/banished/etc by either dragging them to the right pile or by double tapping them, so it doesn’t matter whether you’re curled up in bed with both fingers on the iPad or standing in a crowded bus trying to play with one thumb. Better still, playing with the computer means you can have a game anywhere, anytime, and the short length of the games (10-15 minutes, sometimes slightly longer) makes it perfect for transit that’s broken up with lots of transfers etc. In fact, I’ve gotten into the habit of timing my bus and Skytrain trips by my games of Ascension!

If I had to pick one big problem with the game, it would be one that really only affects new players and those unfamiliar with the game, and even then it’s mostly an iPhone issue. It can be extremely difficult to read the cards and see what they actually do; on an iPhone screen, the text appears extremely small, and while long-time fans can probably recognize all the card art and play accordingly, newbies will be a lot slower to register exactly what is going on and what cards are available. The game does allow players to double-tap a card to read it and see what it does, but it slows gameplay down, and I suspect things would be much more comfortable on an iPad screen where the cards are more visible.

The Grand Design

Don’t let the $4.99 price point (+$2.99 for the excellent expansion pack) turn you off at all; this is one game that is definitely worth the purchase. If you’re a fan of the original card game, you definitely need to pick this up; even if you may feel like the game should be played with friends with the original cards, the convenience and fun of having your own pocket game can’t be overstated. If you have never played Ascension before, I would still recommend it, but try the iPad version if possible over the iPhone; the cards take a bit of getting used to before you can recognize them by sight. Either that, or pick up the card game itself and give it a shot; it’s a great geeky classic and always deserving of more love!

Are you a fan of Ascension? What other geeky card games do you like to play on your phone or other device?

So we did it.

Lobster Stuffed With Taco Cake

Our inspiration came from these two sites:

• Lobster Cake
• Candy Tacos - we used chopped maraschino cherries for the tomatoes

We gathered up all the necessary ingredients and went to work making our delicious masterpiece. Enjoy the photos!

Completed Candy Tacos

Funny story. The middle of the cake didn't cook through, but turns out, that left a great hole for the taco.

All the cake parts assembled

A redonkulous amount of frosting hides all sins. (Book of Cake 3:14)

Of course, he needed a fondant hat and Twizzler antennae.

A close-up of the taco in his claw. Delicioso!

"Excellent, Sir. Lobster stuffed with tacos."

Love my crazy cake? Please pass it on to a friend!

Being an avowed HPL fan, and having seen much of the cinema-related twaddle in question adapted from his stories, I have to concur that he would not generally be pleased. But I do think there are some great films out there that bear his name…and some that don’t, but that are so clearly in homage to his work that they deserve a mention. Likewise, there are some movies that are…well…dreadful, and worthy of mention if only to avoid them. And there are still others which are absolutely terrible adaptations of Lovecraft…but that are, nonetheless, rather fun in and of themselves.

Here then, for your consideration, are eight movies, in salute to the octopoid nature of great Cthulhu himself. Some I love, some I hate, some I love that I’m quite sure Lovecraft would’ve hated. Oh, and, fair warning, there’s a bit of swearing later in the article. But it’s a quote, so that’s okay, right?

“Burn them all!”

I start in all seriousness with what may be the best adaptation of a Lovecraft movie ever, and one that will be hard to top. In 2005, the H.P. Lovecraft Historical Society released a 47 minute long adaptation of “The Call of Cthulhu” which is stunningly faithful to the original. The brilliant idea was to make a movie as if it had been filmed in 1926, when Lovecraft wrote the story. It’s a silent, black-and-white film, and most of the effects are techniques that were quite possible in 1926, with only a few cheats. For all that it’s silent, the acting is excellent, and the costumes and props are as authentic as they come. It actually manages to be pretty creepy at times, and the whole piece feels like a love-letter to HPL. You may have to purchase it to see it, but it’s well worth the price to an HPL enthusiast.

“Let me whisper it to you…”

The inspiration for this article comes from the fact that the HPL Historical Society finally released their second film, an adaptation of “The Whisperer in Darkness”. While this one plays a little more fast and loose with HPL’s original story, it’s still far more faithful than the average Hollywood adaptation. It’s a talking film, this time, and a full length feature, but still in black-and-white, and still using mostly effects possible in the 1920s and 30s. Some actors from the first film are back (including Matt Foyer, who played the “narrator” of the first film and who’s absolutely fantastic when you can hear him speak), and the opening shot alone shows that they’ve learned a lot in 6 years…impressive considering how polished The Call of Cthulhu was. While their first film will always be special to me, this is still an amazing accomplishment.

“They’re all gonna die without you!”

When I heard that Tori Spelling was going to be in a movie called just “Cthulhu”, I rolled my eyes and completely put the idea of seeing it aside. Another cinema cash grab with a famous Lovecraft name. Whatever. Much to my surprise, when it was finally released, it was getting critical acclaim. Curious, we rented it, and we were pleasantly surprised. It’s actually a fairly decent adaptation of “The Shadow Over Innsmouth”, transplanting the setting to the Pacific Northwest. The main character is gay, which piqued my interest, and the screenwriter suggested this was done to symbolize the horror of a gay man having to come home and face the scrutiny of family and neighbors. Tori Spelling is actually only a very small role, and she doesn’t manage to derail the film. I don’t think HPL would’ve loved it, but it’s a decent film none the less.

“You’ve gotta be fuckin’ kiddin’ me!”

The HPL-lineage of John Carpenter’s “The Thing” is an easy trace. HPL’s Antarctic opus, “At the Mountains of Madness” inspired John W. Campbell to write the novella “Who Goes There?” This story inspired both the 1951 movie and Carpenter’s 1982 remake, which is both truer to the original story and more Lovecraftian. Lovecraftian? Oh, indeed. Just try and tell me that highly-mutable Thing isn’t a sort of shoggoth. Just try.

The quote prefacing this section is, of course, one of the greatest reaction comments to any sort of alien menace ever, as well as being both laugh-out-loud funny and a bit chilling. If you’ve never seen “The Thing”, I will not spoil the movie at all, but I can say that, you’ll likely be feeling exactly as MacReady does when he utters this quote.

“Yog-Sothoth! Yog-Sothoth!”

Moving away from movies I love into the realm of movies I love to hate, we have “The Dunwich Horror”. No, not the recent one (though the few scenes I’ve seen of that were dreadful), but the 1970 Roger Corman-produced movie with Dean Stockwell and Sandra Dee. The story certainly starts out sort of on the right track. Wilbur Whateley, from Dunwich, wants to borrow Miskatonic University’s copy of the Necronomicon. When he can’t get it from Henry Armitage, he takes Armitage’s library assistant instead, and tries to sacrifice her to the Old Ones. He gets struck by lightning and fails, and we get a dun-dun-DUN! ending as an X-ray cam shows us that Sandra Dee is now carrying Wilbur’s child. I think it actually ends with one of those “The End” credits that then gets a question mark after it. Kind of “The End…or is it? Nyah-ha-ha!”

Everything in this movie is translated just a bit into something less scary. Goatish, monstrous Wilbur in the original is transformed into the handsome Dean Stockwell who can hypnotize Sandra Dee. The Old Ones appear as a bunch of groovy nudist hippies. Oh, and Wilbur’s monstrous brother is basically a doll-face in the middle of a rubber sea-anemone. That is all.

“Rather like peeling a large orange…”

If you recognized that I was quoting Dr. Carl Hill describing removing the scalp of a corpse to a bunch of medical students, then you probably know that I’m talking about Stuart Gordon’s “Re-Animator”, the movie that pretty much launched a deluge of HPL adaptations in the 80s. This movie, based on the serial story “Herbert West: Re-Animator”, would absolutely appall HPL. It has naked women, sex (really kinky, wacky sex, at that), gore, and is generally silly. Despite this, I happen to love this movie in spite of myself. Jeffrey Coombs is absolutely brilliant as West, and this is what really carries the film, along with its sly sense of humor at adapting the original stories. Even some of the most outlandish things from the movie actually happen in the original stories (sans the naked women). If nothing else, this movie brought Coombs to the attention of people making Lovecraft films, and his performances grace lots of other, lesser films. This one, however, along with Gordon’s even more sexually kinky and wacky “From Beyond”, are rather delightful in their own ways. Does including “From Beyond” mean I’m talking about nine films, rather than eight? Fine. It’s non-Euclidian list building. Deal with it.

“This town has been on the goddamn dinner menu for 20 years.”

When Lovecraft talked about “flat, infantile twaddle,” I’m pretty sure he was having a vision of “The Lurking Fear”, a 1994 movie based on the story of the same name. Dubbed “The explodinest HPL movie ever,” but my friends and I, this movie is almost completely, irredeemably bad. When I mentioned Coombs being in lesser HPL films, this is what I’m talking about. He plays a character named Dr. Haggis. Dr. Haggis! The character is always drunk, and I suspect Coombs may have been method acting, trying to figure out why he’s in this piece of crap film. Or maybe the booze was the paycheck. I don’t know. Anyway, dreadful, and full of explosions, and nothing else memorable.

“No one leave Imboca. People come, but no one leave.”

The movie “Dagon” has seemed to me to be a bit controversial and polarizing to HPL fans. It has comparatively little to do with the HPL story Dagon and is much more an adaptation of the story “The Shadow Over Innsmouth”. It compounds the isolation and fear of the narrator of “Shadow” by having him be unable to communicate with the locals very well (the film is set in Spain) and worrying for his missing friends and fiancée. There’s some nudity and some gore, as there are in the other Stuart Gordon HPL films, but here, again, a lot of the movie is carried by a great performance from a fine, relatively unknown actor. In this case, it’s Ezra Godden, who also plays in the TV movie version of HPL’s “The Dreams in the Witch House” (which I won’t bother mentioning…except right there when I did.)

I actually really enjoy this film, though it’s helpful to turn on the subtitles during Francisco Rabal’s narrations of the flashback scenes. Godden does a fine job of displaying terror, determination, desperation, and despair. And there are some really wonderful moments in this film. How Gordon got Francisco Rabal, who had numerous awards under his belt when he made this, is beyond me. My only real falling down moment? The actual appearance of Dagon. While I love everything around it, I just feel it was thrown in as “Well, we named the movie Dagon…better have Dagon in it.” Dagon’s on screen for a heartbeat, really, and his unlikely look is rendered in cheap CG graphics. Oh well. I can forgive that heartbeat.

Your Turn

Well, I’ve named what I think are some of the best and the worst, but this list is hardly comprehensive. I didn’t mention Boris Karloff’s terrible turn in “Die, Monster! Die!” or Wil Wheaton in “The Curse”…both of which are somehow based on “The Colour Out of Space”. I didn’t mention the semi-animated “Dream-Quest of Unknown Kadath”, which I really enjoyed, or the wonderful amateur film of “Cool Air”, starring veteran actor Jack Donner. And there are films still waiting to be made, like Guillermo Del Toro’s long-awaited, long hoped-for “At the Mountains of Madness”, which was thought to be dead, but which he recently said he intends to push for after his new movie “Pacific Rim” opens in 2013.

But I want to hear from other folks about their Cheers and Jeers for HPL adaptations. Is there a film you love or hate that I didn’t mention? Did I list a movie that you disagree or particularly agree with me on? Let us all know.

1.    Get the blessing of your table.

If your GM and your fellow players are not okay with tweeting at the table, don’t. Respecting your table is an entire post of its own, but this is your first step on the path to live tweet glory.

2.    Establish some guidelines.

Do people want you to hashtag their names to things they say? Use their twitter handles? No attributing at all? There may be a general consensus or even no consensus at all. I sometimes tag quotes with their sources, but often don’t to simply save on characters. I do try and hashtag the game system (D&D, Mage, etc) the sub-type (Dark Sun, Eberron,  Sorcerer’s Crusade) and sometimes the chronicle title (the Skype M:TA hack I’m in is called Aethertide.) Learn what your table is and isn’t okay with you quoting, and unless someone likes or can take being teased live on the internet, play nice in your tweets. Don’t be a dick.

3.    Know your device.

I’ve live-tweeted from other people’s mobile devices, my own phone, and a laptop. The easiest by far is my phone. It’s very little hassle to tweet off the app and then drop my cell so I can roll dice. Pick the option that is the least distracting for you and your table.

4.    Narrative or quotes.

You can post narratives of what’s going on “…aaaaand now we’re fighting twelve orcs.”

Though, you can also go for quotes. “We’ve found the shitty town where you’re a folk hero.” Quotes go fast and generally get more retweets, but a snappy narrative can get good laughs too. Or prayers for you party; usually simultaneously.

5.    Be polite and notify your audience.

If you play in a game, particularly if you play in more than one, some people will learn what nights to expect live game tweets. Plenty of people won’t. As a public service to both, it’s nice to tweet a pre-game “I’ve got my ______ game tonight! Live tweets start in ______.” People who love them know to tune in. People who don’t will now know to mute you.

6.    Go for the gold.

Unless you have a group that is wittier than a Writer’s Room, only tweet the best of your session. It took me time to get a handle on what would be a crime not to tweet, and what could be let go. I try not to quote myself or talk too much about my own characters, but I will do either if it’s an intense night at the table for me. It gives me a small way to take a deep breath and dive back in without derailing my table too often with my need to go “Damn, you guys, this is a really terrifying scene” or “This is so touching. There is something in my eye.”

7.    Include a visual aid.

Last but not least: people like visuals. Roll a host of amazing rolls? Someone have a catastrophic failure they’d like to share? Tweet a photo. Other enjoyable photographic aides include amusing entries on character sheets, minis in dire peril on a hex map, and the awesome receptacles you and your friends carry your dice in.

Have a favorite court reporter of table-top or LARP on twitter? Share in the comments!