Happy February!

Every month in 2012, I’ll be delivering some tips, questions, and writing prompts that you can use to freshen up your dating profile and have you looking your best for the love of your life (or the love of the month, if you roll that way).

Big Tips For Every Dating Profile

Start with a bang! Folks on the internet are in a hurry and like to have things delivered to their eyes as quickly as possible, otherwise, they move on. If your first sentence or two isn’t gripping, they’re going to slip away to the next profile.

Have an interchangeable section of your profile.  If this happens to be the beginning of your profile, even better. Have parts of your profile that you can delete and replace with other information. This is where you can freshen up your profile for the month by shooting in some new words that will catch the eye of someone new.

Don’t worry about Valentine’s Day. Every single person knows that 2/14 is coming, so don’t stress about it or mention it.

A Tip for Those in New Relationships on Valentine’s Day

If you end up on a first date around V-Day, bringing a single rose is a nice gesture. Go for pink, which is generally considered to be less serious-romance than red. Or if your date has a sweet tooth, a small box of chocolates would also be cool. Sappy cards are right out.

If you’re in a new relationship (under a month), think about where you stand. If you’re in contact constantly and all lovey-dovey, then go for the traditional gift and sappy card. If you’re only seeing each other once a week or you’re not exclusive, a smaller gift is more appropriate.

Three Questions for February

Looking for inspiration to freshen up your profile so it says, “I’ve updated this recently”? Here you go!

• What do you love about Winter? Do you love warm wool sweaters, playing in the snow with your kids or dogs, going skiing, or just having an excuse to drink more hot cocoa?
• What’s your favorite way to spend a snow day?
• What are your plans for the leap year? (Hey, it’s a whole extra day!)

Three Writing Prompts

Starting a new profile or re-writing yours? Here are some questions that might get your creative juices flowing.

• What’s the biggest leap of faith you made that was totally worth it?
• If you could take a weekend class to learn something new, what would it be?
• What scent reminds you of home? (Either your childhood home or current home.)

Happy Dating, Geek Friends!

Remember that I’m here for you if you need any help with your dating profile.

Here’s why you should kick those excuses to the curb –>

See that picture right there? That needs to be your motto.

New Year, New You?

Everyone starts the new year with aspirations. And we think, if I can just get those things on track first, then I’ll put up a dating profile. If I can just have this one habit cemented in my daily life, then I’ll go join that singles group. If I can just get to the gym every day for a month, then I’ll go to that mixer at church.

Why wait?

The biggest difference between you now and you two months from now is that you’ll be two months older and have two months more experience at being single.

Nobody’s Perfect

I’m certainly not perfect. I’m overweight. I have been overweight for the majority of my adult life. I suffer from depression and have occasionally thought I was “good enough” to go without my meds. (I am very happily back on them and plan to stay that way.) My previous career as a public school teacher left me in temporary poverty every August and with a small mountain of debt.

But I didn’t wait to find love. Neither should you, no matter how imperfect you may be.

Parts of You Are Pretty Awesome

Every time I interview a new client, I have an amazing time. I love learning about new people, “meeting” them via chat and getting to know what’s important to them and how they tick. More than that, I love being able to use my talents to write them a profile that really showcases what makes them pretty awesome.

You are a unique and awesome snowflake. There, I said it. There are things about you that are unlike any other person anyone has ever met. The way you smile, the way you laugh, the way you think, the things you’re great at, and the things you fail at hilariously. You are pretty awesome.

Who are you to deny your awesomeness to the world because of a few imperfections?

Happy New Year!

Every month in 2012, I’ll be delivering some tips, questions, and writing prompts that you can use to freshen up your dating profile and have you looking your best for the love of your life (or the love of the month, if you roll that way).

Big Tips For Every Dating Profile

Start with a bang! Folks on the internet are in a hurry and like to have things delivered to their eyes as quickly as possible, otherwise, they move on. If your first sentence or two isn’t gripping, they’re going to slip away to the next profile.

Have an interchangeable section of your profile.  If this happens to be the beginning of your profile, even better. Have parts of your profile that you can delete and replace with other information. This is where you can freshen up your profile for the month by shooting in some new words that will catch the eye of someone new.

Three Questions for January

Looking for inspiration to freshen up your profile so it says, “I’ve updated this recently”? Here you go!

• What excites you about starting a new year?
• Do you have any New Year traditions? [You can do the failed resolutions angle if you make it funny, not depressing.]
• What was your favorite memory of the holidays?

Three Writing Prompts

Starting a new profile or re-writing yours? Here are some questions that might get your creative juices flowing.

• What never fails to make you smile? Is it a person, an animal, a writer, a piece of music? Describe what it’s like when you’re around this person/animal/thing.
• Everyone wants to change the world. Are you more likely to do this through volunteering your time or donating your money?
• When was the last time that you had so much fun that you lost track of time? What were you doing?

Happy Dating, Geek Friends!

Remember that I’m here for you if you need any help with your dating profile.

Welcome to 2012, everyone!

When you’ve read as many dating profiles as I have, you start to notice patterns. Whether it’s writing about your ex, being negative, starting every sentence with “I”, or not giving your audience any reason to write you, I think I’ve covered a lot of them in the past. (If you’re new, click on Geek Dating Advice and take a surf through the archives!)

But I missed this one!

A Good Example

Let’s look at an example of good web design. I’m going to be a little self-serving here and show off the skills of the designerds at my day job, ThinkGeek.  Here’s a screenshot of a product page:

Notice a few things, which I’ve numbered:

1. Photos & Video
2. Headline & top 3 things about the product
3. Social Media sharing
4. Customer Action Shots (social proof)
5. Price / Buy Now / Wishlist / Facebook Like (more social proof)

What do all of things have in common? It’s the secret that’s going to help your dating profile!

Location, Location, Location

All of these things appear above the fold.

Depending on your monitor, your fold-age may vary, but the important thing to realize is that when people read on the internet, they want to see something right when the page loads that catches their attention and holds it. Otherwise, they click away.

Web folks call this the “Bounce Rate.” These are folks who click into your site and instead of doing what you want (staying & interacting), they click away to go elsewhere. Having a high bounce rate means that something is wrong with your website. It’s not sticky enough. It could be your design, your content, or a combination of the two.

How Sticky Is Your Profile?

Let’s take a look at what above the fold looks like for two popular dating sites, OkCupid (free) and Match (paid).

OkCupid Profile

Your main photo and Self-Summary are the first things  people will see. If your Self-Summary is short, folks may see the What I’m Doing With My Life section (or if you leave things blank, whatever the next thing you filled in is).

What This Means

For a sticky OkCupid profile, you need:

• A great default photo. The math nerds at OkCupid have crunched the numbers and given some advice on that on their blog.
• A super self-summary. Most profiles have never been revised or edited. They start weak because you’re not sure what to say about yourself and as you keep writing, you hit your stride and by the end, it’s pretty good. Problem is, you never go back to fix the beginning, so it stays boring and wishy-washy. Start your profile with a bang! How about short, funny anecdote? Maybe something weird that you like to do: My dating profile started out by admitting I like to ride my shopping cart in the parking lot of the grocery store.
• Keep up the pace! Once you’ve gotten someone to read your self-summary, keep up the great writing! Need help? I can advise you on profile improvements, edit your profile, or write one for you from scratch.

Match.com Profile

I really don’t like Match.com’s new UI, but that’s a story for another post. (Note to self: Write another post!)

Like OkCupid, your main photo is prominently displayed above the fold. So is your headline, although it’s in a tiny font on a fairly dark background.

What This Means

For a sticky Match.com profile, you need:

• A great default photo. The advice of OkCupid’s math nerds still applies here.
• Additional photos. I recommend clients to have at least 4 photos, and for Match’s profile format, you really need those extra shots to give folks a place to click. Since all your photos are available before a match sees your written profile, choose your photos with care. They are your first impression.
• A snappy headline. It is a little lost in the blue sea, but it’s the only thing above the fold that’s in your own words. Make it count. Movie quotes work great here!
• Activity & Interests: Notice the white boxes below the photos. These are populated by matching the checkboxes you selected for your interests with those of your potential match. Be sure to check off at least a few things that interest you. It also lets matches know if you’ve uploaded a new photo. Rotating photos in and out of your profile every couple weeks will keep you flagged as having “new” photos.

Once you’ve gotten someone interested enough to scroll down, remember that those first few lines of your written profile count! Make them interesting so your match will scroll back up and click “Email Him/Her.”

How About You?

Got questions about how to improve the stickiness of your profile? Take a screenshot of what your profile looks like above the fold and link it in a comment below. I’ll give pointers to anyone who posts here by Friday 1/6/12.

Take Care of Yourself

Whether that’s losing weight, gaining weight, taking a spin class, taking a vacation, buying a nice bottle of wine, indulging in a thirty-six-hour Skyrim marathon, getting a facial, or finally trimming the old toenails, remember this year to take care of yourself first. Do the things that make you feel good about yourself. This could be trying to improve your physical side, like losing or gaining weight, or trying to tone up or build your stamina. It could also just be taking more time to do the activities that make you feel good or indulge your creative side, especially if your day-to-day life doesn’t usually afford you that opportunity. Trying to look or feel good for potential dates is great, but people respond better to someone who is happy and content with their own life.

But really, if you’re going to do the Skyrim thing? Grab a shower afterwards before you head out to rendezvous with your lady or gentleman love.

Update Your Profile

For the online geek, a profile or blog is often the first point of contact that most potential dates have for you. Try and keep this current, and rewrite it every now and then to keep things fresh. This site especially is a goldmine of tips and tricks for writing a good online dating profile, but this advice doesn’t just extend to dating sites. Potential hook-ups are everywhere, from Facebook to Butch-Femme.com to Twitter to Tumblr. A well-written profile with your current likes, dislikes, and interests is your best bet to open conversation with potential matches.

Try New Things

Tired of beating around the same old bush? Find a new bush! Make it your goal in 2012 to try something or someone different. Try a new forum, a new chatroom. A new bar, a new social group. Take a new class at the local community centre to expand both your horizons and your social circle. Never made pottery before? Go ahead and try that! You could discover a whole new passion and, with it, a new bunch of people to meet and, potentially, date. Exposure to new things can help you grow as a more rounded person and one that, in turn, makes you more interesting to potential dates. Or, in the process of trying new things, you can discover what is really important to you in life and in a relationship.

2012 is a year for boldness. The doomsday prophecies are endless, but the message stays the same: 2012 is going see some big changes. The end of the old and the beginning of the new. So happy new year, and best of luck!

What are your dating resolutions for the new year? Did you make any last year, and how did they turn out? Share them below!

This is what happens when I get rid of cable: I almost completely miss the fact that TLC will be launching a new show in a few weeks called “Geek Love,” about a speed dating event that takes place at conventions.  The show hasn’t aired yet – it premieres December 18th – but already people are up in arms about the trailer.

The trailer features your typical geek stereotypes: the guy who makes Wookie calls, awkward pauses, and geek girls who appear far more socially competent than their male counterparts.  Throw in an event coordinator who’s even more obnoxious than the geeks he’s trying to help, and it seems you’ve got a show that will make any geek cringe.  Or do you?

The trailer certainly seems exploitative, playing up the awkwardness of the Wookie guy.  What might be telling, though, is the fact that Ryan Glitch, who leads the speed dating events, is so terribly grating.  He bemoans the fact that geeks need help dating, when he seems just as awkward, proclaiming “Normal people suck!”  I’ve never heard anything negative about him or his speed dating events before, which makes me wonder if he was hamming it up for the camera.

Because, after all, what we’ll basically be watching is a pilot.  The show needed to be sold to the carnival-freak-show sensibilities of TLC (home of “Toddlers and Tiaras” and a show where a woman eats hair), and perhaps this first episode did its best to deliver.  The question is, now that it’s sold, will this show seize the opportunity to grow into something more?

There are all sorts of directions “Geek Love” could go, interesting experiments it could perform.  For example, is there a difference in speed dating at conventions that are costume-heavy, as opposed to gaming conventions, where skimpy costumes are less prevalent?  Are there more successful matches at conventions that are more genre-specific, as opposed to the large ones where there’s a little bit of everything?

I also wonder if there’s going to be any “personal” development.  Will we follow couples after they click at speed dating?  Will we be peeking into what makes Ryan Glitch tick?  Maybe some behind-the-scenes aspects of the convention circuit?  They’re going to have to go somewhere with this, because simply watching a new speed dating round each week will get old quickly, no matter how comical they try to make geek males.

Will I be watching?  Well, I’m intrigued by the concept, but wary of the direction TLC has gone in the past.  It would be lovely if we were all pleasantly surprised – and there is a fair amount of potential to go in interesting directions – but I won’t be holding my breath.

What about you?  Will you be watching Geek Love?  If you do choose to watch the show, will it be to get speed dating tips, check if there’s anyone you recognize, yell at the screen, or something else?

Except that she’s a nineteen-year-old college student and he’s thirty-five.

This is not a cautionary tale, or a moral fable! I’m very happy for her, since she deserves a great guy that she clicks so easily with. My point here is that age is not only the great destroyer, it’s a lot harder to judge in online communication than you might think. Of course, this is what tech-unsavvy mothers across the world are most afraid of, creepy middle-aged men pretending to be sixteen-year-old girls in chatrooms, which is certainly a very large and serious concern. But I’m not talking about deliberately misrepresenting one’s age to be older or younger. I’m talking about the disconnect between seeing a number on a page full of vital details, and the reality of thirteen years more life.

Does age really matter?

Popular, historical, and scientific opinion are all divided on the matter. Research has shown that the average age gap between straight married partners is one to three years; historically, men marry younger women, sometimes with a gap of fifteen or twenty years between them. All the better to reproduce with you for, my dear. But what does age mean today?

I’m going to say “very little”. One of the reasons that I am a proponent of online dating is that in most cases relationships – and here I use the term loosely, meaning more a social contact between two people – are built on conversation and not primarily on physical attraction. It isn’t age so much as social and sexual compatibility that really matters in building a romantic relationship, and a roughly equivalent level of maturity in both partners.

But D!, you say, Where’s the gay? Aren’t you all about the buttsex and lesbianism and so forth? Well, I’m getting there. There are no studies on average age differences in same-sex relationships (yet), but I’m willing to put money down that the averages are considerably greater than those of our straight counterparts. In some parts of the  gay community, a five or ten year age difference is not only accepted, it is practically required. And, of course, I am speaking in sweeping generalities, but someone in a same-sex relationship is already used to breaking the rules of conventional romance; they are far less likely to care about another one.

Relationships like the one between my friend and Hot For Teacher require a level of communication and work that would ring true with anyone who has ever tried to maintain a same-sex relationship, especially when surrounded by a predominantly straight community. Relationships take work, and any relationship which will be frowned upon by the “moral” majority takes even more. It takes a willingness to fight for the right to reasonable enjoyment of each other. My friend and her Hot For Teacher are going to catch almost as much flak for walking down the sidewalk holding hands as I do for walking down the sidewalk holding my wife’s.

You get to meet your partner’s family and friends. You get to be introduced around at office parties. Age difference, gender difference, social status difference, whatever difference that might make society matrons whisper behind their teacups because in my head we all live in a Jane Austen novel, you are no-one’s dirty secret! If you act like a dirty secret, you become a dirty secret. And dirty secrets only belong under the bed next to your special edition Edward Cullen dildo and self-warming lube.

We hope you had a scrumtrulescent Thanksgiving!

Ready to find that special geeky someone to kiss on New Year’s Eve? We can help make that happen.

From now until the end of Cyber Monday (11:59 pm Eastern on 11/28/11), you can save up to $50 with code ONYX2011.

Choose Your Weapon, Adventurer!

“Just a scroll, please! I think I’ve got this dating thing mostly figured out.”

Save 50% off our ebook!

You Geek, They Grok: A Geek’s Guide to Leveling Up Your Dating Game is the ultimate guide to getting you off your couch and out on some dates, in the hopes that you find someone who you can take home and plunk on your couch to be your Player 2.

Click to read more about our ebook here. (Save 50% with code ONYX2011.)

“An hour or two with a wise woman could help me out.”

Save $25 off the Silver Package, which includes:

• One hour consultation with a dating coach
• A brand new dating profile  for whatever site you choose
• Photo selection help (and pointers if you need new photos)
• One hour of coaching time after your profile goes live

Check out the Silver Package here. ($50 off with code ONYX2011.)

“I need a freakin’ wizard. Seriously, I could use some major help.”

Save $50 off the Gold Package, which includes:

• One hour consultation with a dating coach
• A brand new dating profile for whatever site you choose
• Three profile re-writes over the course of the next 6 months (Most clients use these to set up profiles on multiple dating sites, such as Match, eHarmony, JDate, SoulGeek, and OkCupid. You can also use a re-write to try a different style for your profile – more funny, more geeky, more _____, you get the picture!)
• Photo selection help
• One hour of coaching time per month for six months

Check out the Gold Package here. ($50 off with code ONYX2011.)

Yes, You Can!

• Yes, you can order now and put off getting your profile done until after the holidays. Let us know via email after you purchase so we can make a note to contact you in 2012.
• Yes, you can purchase a package for a friend. Give us your friend’s email and we’ll send them a happy note letting them know about their gift!
• Yes, you can get both a package AND the ebook. The coupon code should discount both in your cart.

Have Questions?

I’ll be around most of the weekend, so leave a comment here, send me a tweet (@geeksdreamgirl), or send me an email.

Shall we?

Suburban Folklore

Date Published: 2006
Author: Steven Walters
Original Price: $11.99
Price Paid: $0.10

Apparently, “Suburban Folklore is a hypnotic periscope into the turbulence of adolescence.” I just bought it because it had the word ‘folklore’ in the title. Though thoroughly disappointed that there would be neither alligators in the sewer nor cats in the microwave, I preserved. Five friends, growing pains, etc. I admire the fact that the same guy did the writing and the art, but neither one blew me away. Only so-so.

High Adventure #93

Date Published: 2007
Author: Edmond Hamilton and others
Original Price: $9.95
Price Paid: $0.10

Even though I bought this at a comic book shop, it isn’t actually a comic book. It’s a collection of three pulp sci-fi ‘novelets’ about the adventures of Captain Future and his Futuremen as they battle aliens across the galaxy. As an ardent lover of Bradbury and Asimov, this collection had me at hello. The stories are brilliantly written to evoke both yesterday and the distant future of heroes and villains. My only complaint about this brilliant collection is that there aren’t more of the campy illustrations that adorn the cover and back. Now if you’ll excuse me, I think I have to go dig up my Buck Rogers VHS tapes and search out the first ninety-two volumes of High Adventure.

WitchCraft

Date Published: 1996
Author: James Robinson
Original Price: $17.95
Price Paid: $0.10

Imagine my surprise when I saw a trade from powerhouse Vertigo in the bargain bin! And Vertigo delivered. WitchCraft is a multi-part story that sees the death and rebirth of Hecate’s priestess through the centuries, each time seeking vengeance for the rape and murder in her first lifetime. The goddess oversees each of her incarnations, which are each illustrated by a different artist. I’m a sucker for stories about rebirth and karma and the wheel of fate, so this one pulled me in right away. It’s got blood and sex, and an apologetic note from the author that he promises it’s feminist sex, not to be confused with because-it-sells sex, but that didn’t put me off. It’s rare to be able to find a trade of such an old series that collects the whole thing – no loose ends for me to try and hunt down. I think this has to be my favourite find of the trip.

What man’s trash is your treasure? Think I could have spent my sixty cents better? Give me two of them below!

Over the coming months I’ll bring up a few issues that I’ve seen crop up in real life, whether on dates or while helping clients.  Let me be clear: this isn’t about geek-bashing, but I might get blunt.  Also, I’m only one girl, so this isn’t even necessarily the opinion of the entire staff of GDG.  With that said, let’s move on to this week’s topic: weapons.

I love the smell of napalm in the morning

Call me a wimp, a tree-hugger, whatever you like, but when I first meet a guy (or read his profile, for that matter) the last thing I want to hear about is his extensive collection of guns.  Or knives, explosives, alien weapons, swords, or even brass knuckles.

Logically, I get the appeal of collecting weapons.  They can be shiny, complicated, historically accurate; they might make pew-pew noises.  They can make even the smallest girl feel strong and powerful.  A collection speaks to time, effort and money spent.  I can admire the dedication behind such a collection, once I know you’re not planning on using them on me.

Because here’s the thing: when guys go on enthusiastically about their collection of pointy and shooty things, it can feel threatening.  It can feel aggressive.  Maybe girls are socially trained to be more wary about putting themselves in vulnerable situations, but if I’m sitting across from a guy who’s already bigger and stronger than I am and he starts talking about his “blades” with a gleam in his eye, I’m going to be paying attention to the location of the nearest exits.

Speaking of exit strategy: I think, somewhere in a dark corner of our brain, many girls analyze a break-up situation.  What if I choose to decline a second date?  Would he take it gracefully?  Would he move on without a second thought?  Would he break out his “blades”…?

I also think that in this case, quantity makes a difference.  I saw a profile of a guy who has a replica of a sword from World of Warcraft – and when I read that, being a World of Warcraft fan, I thought it was pretty neat.  It’s when I hear that a guy has converted his basement into a replica medieval torture dungeon that I get a little nervous.

Now, don’t get me wrong: the right person will love you no matter what you collect, be it replicas of video game swords or model trains.  This is intended as a heads-up.  Most guys probably don’t think of their love of weapons as intimidating or scary, just as they might not realize that their sheer size might make them intimidating to some women.  Well, consider yourself warned: the image of yourself and a roomful of guns might not bring about warm fuzzies in the heart of your potential match.

Alternatively, if your collection is such a part of you that omitting it would be omitting half of you, make this common interest a priority in your search.  There are certainly women out there who would get as much of a kick out of your Wall o’ Daggers as you do, but be aware that it might take some searching.  You might even want to do some field work on the ground instead of on the Internet, by going to shows, stores or conventions.  Who knows who you might find?

It’s an unfair fact of life that guys have to worry about just looking intimidating or scary, and women rarely do.  The good news is, if you’re aware of it, you’re already ahead of the game.  So now you know:  keep the armament chat to a minimum until you’re more comfortable with each other.