Happy May!

Every month in 2012, I’m delivering tips, questions, and writing prompts to freshen up your dating profile and have you looking your best for the love of your life (or the love of the month, if you roll that way).

Big Tips For Every Dating Profile

Start with a bang! Folks on the internet are in a hurry and like to have things delivered to their eyes as quickly as possible, otherwise, they move on. If your first sentence or two isn’t gripping, they’re going to slip away to the next profile.

Have an interchangeable section of your profile.  If this happens to be the beginning of your profile, even better. Have parts of your profile that you can delete and replace with other information. This is where you can freshen up your profile for the month by shooting in some new words that will catch the eye of someone new.

Three Questions for May

Looking for inspiration to freshen up your profile so it says, “I’ve updated this recently”? Here you go!

• Got big plans to celebrate your Mom on Mother’s Day?
• Memorial Day is coming up. Have you (or your loved ones) served in the military?
• What piece of summer clothing are you looking forward to taking out of your closet?

Three Writing Prompts

Starting a new profile or re-writing yours? Here are some questions that might get your creative juices flowing.

• Every pet has a quirk that makes them unique. What does your pet do that makes him or her adorable?
• What is your favorite movie of all time? Can you recite it word for word? What makes it so great?
• Who is your personal hero? Is there someone you admire for their strength of character? Who is it?

Happy Dating, Geek Friends!

Remember that I’m here for you if you need any help with your dating profile.

But all is not lost, fair adventurers! Even unluckily-rolled characters can become a dragon-slaying force to be reckoned with, with the right equipment and experience. That’s really why E created this whole site, to give geeks a +7 Profile of Attracting, and the tips they need for the next quest.

Even with a kick-ass profile and reams of articles and dating advice, sometimes there is just no substitute for experience. Dating is not a magical moment of serendipity; it is a skill. A skill that takes time, dedication, and experimentation to build. It is very, very rare that you meet the person you were meant to be with, you fall in love, and live happily ever after without ever having to figure out who pays for popcorn on the second date. Not saying it never happens – my first date with my future wife was four days after I proposed to her – but the likelihood is, well, about as likely as rolling five natural twenties in a row.

The first person you date is not the person you will end up with. But the first, second, third, and fourth person you date will all help you build the skills and confidence you need to be able to wow that final date. If you hold out for Mr or Mrs Right because those first four people aren’t your type, don’t fit exactly in your interests or attractions, by the time you finally meet the future Mr or Mrs You you’ll still hold the awkwardness of a dating novice and risk losing out.

For my queer geeky women out there: This one is especially for you.

There is an old joke. What does a lesbian bring to a second date? A U-Haul.

It’s true. We tend to jump quickly and deeply into intensely committed relationships, speeding through the puppylove and dating phases of the relationship to fighting over how to hang the toilet paper and which toothbrush is yours and why it looks like it hasn’t been touched in three weeks. We are losing our dating abilities.

If, for some horrible unseen reason, I ended up single tomorrow, I would have no idea what to do. I wouldn’t know how to ask someone out, what to talk about on a first date, even where to take someone. I wouldn’t know how long a date is supposed to last, the cues for a goodnight kiss or a friendly handshake at the end of the date. Being able to read someone during conversation, how to make small talk, and knowing how you present yourself are all skills not only essential to dating, but a successful life in general.

So what can you, a socially awkward gay (or straight) geek do to build your dating skill set?

• Date people. Date lots of people. Have lots of horrible first dates. Have slightly fewer horrible second dates.
• But D! Dating is hard! Yes. Yes it is. So ask lots of people out. Don’t be afraid of rejection. Even just building up the confidence towards asking someone to coffee or to hang out and watch a movie can boost your dating skill level.
• Practice on unsuspecting coworkers and friends. I do this often at work; I will commit myself to engaging more customers and clients instead of doing the bare minimum communication necessary to the transaction. And it can be surprisingly difficult, talking to someone about the weather. But the more you do it, the more comfortable you’ll become.
• Set realistic expectations for yourself. No matter how hard and vividly I envision it, Kat Dennings is not going to walk into work one day and, immediately stricken with me, ask me out for coffee and little something sweet on the side. But the cute blonde girl, with a significantly smaller chest, who works two offices over? Smiling at her, talking to her, and getting to know her could actually score me a date.

Commit yourself to developing your dating skills, and soon you will leveling up like a boss.

What skills have you developed while dating? What do you wish you had known going into a first date, and what did you learn coming out?

Happy April! (How are your April showers?)

Every month in 2012, I’m delivering tips, questions, and writing prompts to freshen up your dating profile and have you looking your best for the love of your life (or the love of the month, if you roll that way).

Big Tips For Every Dating Profile

Start with a bang! Folks on the internet are in a hurry and like to have things delivered to their eyes as quickly as possible, otherwise, they move on. If your first sentence or two isn’t gripping, they’re going to slip away to the next profile.

Have an interchangeable section of your profile.  If this happens to be the beginning of your profile, even better. Have parts of your profile that you can delete and replace with other information. This is where you can freshen up your profile for the month by shooting in some new words that will catch the eye of someone new.

Three Questions for April

Looking for inspiration to freshen up your profile so it says, “I’ve updated this recently”? Here you go!

• Earth Day is coming up. How environmentally conscious are you? What do you do to help preserve our planet?
• April showers are here. What’s your favorite part about a rainy day? If you’re a daily exerciser, does the rain stop you or do you come back from your daily run soaked to the bone?
• What was the best Spring Break you ever had? What did you do? Who were you with?

Three Writing Prompts

Starting a new profile or re-writing yours? Here are some questions that might get your creative juices flowing.

• If you had to survive for a month on a particular type of ethnic food, what would it be and why?
• If you could give a TED talk, what would be the subject?
• What is the most valuable thing you own — but not because of its monetary value? Why is it so valuable to you?

Happy Dating, Geek Friends!

Remember that I’m here for you if you need any help with your dating profile.

Happy March!

Every month in 2012, I’m delivering tips, questions, and writing prompts to freshen up your dating profile and have you looking your best for the love of your life (or the love of the month, if you roll that way).

Big Tips For Every Dating Profile

Start with a bang! Folks on the internet are in a hurry and like to have things delivered to their eyes as quickly as possible, otherwise, they move on. If your first sentence or two isn’t gripping, they’re going to slip away to the next profile.

Have an interchangeable section of your profile.  If this happens to be the beginning of your profile, even better. Have parts of your profile that you can delete and replace with other information. This is where you can freshen up your profile for the month by shooting in some new words that will catch the eye of someone new.

Three Questions for March

Looking for inspiration to freshen up your profile so it says, “I’ve updated this recently”? Here you go!

• Do you celebrate St. Patrick’s Day? Do you wear green, drink green beer, or both?
• If you found a leprechaun’s pot of gold, how would you spend it?
• How lucky are you? Do you often win things, avoid the short straw, and end up in the right place at the right time?

Three Writing Prompts

Starting a new profile or re-writing yours? Here are some questions that might get your creative juices flowing.

• Do you want a match that share your faith? If so, write about why having a match that shares your faith is important to you. (If you are not part of an organized religion, be respectful of those who are.)
• If ________ (local establishment) closed, you’d be really upset. What would you miss about it?
• Everyone has a knack for something. What comes easily to you?

Happy Dating, Geek Friends!

Remember that I’m here for you if you need any help with your dating profile.

A few weeks ago I had the pleasure of holing up with friends and playing board games for hours on end. When I was just out of college, this sort of thing wasn’t a rare occurrence – I had many friends who lived only minutes away and it wasn’t hard to get a group together for Settlers, Lunar Rails or Rock Band. But that group has been scattered to the four winds, and I’ve been out of the board game loop. As such, the Battlestar: Galactica board game was new to me.

The premise of the game is fairly simple: you’re a character from the show, on board the Galactica. You’re dealing with attacks from Cylon ships. At the same time, however, one of your party is secretly a Cylon – and no one knows who. Will you be able to keep your fleet of humans safe, without falling victim to Cylon attacks, food shortages, mutiny, and more? And can you do this with a Cylon mole working against you?

Now, I was a pretty big fan of Battlestar: Galactica when it was on TV (it was hard to contain my inner fangirl when I interviewed Richard Hatch). However, I haven’t watched it since the show wrapped up. The board managed, surprisingly, to do two things simultaneously: remind all of us old fans just why the show was fantastic, and still provide an entertaining experience for those who hadn’t ever seen an episode (there were at least two at the table).

The only real TV knowledge required is pretty much explained in the general premise. However, for those who are familiar with the show, the game is brimming with details guaranteed to make you smile – from the cards without corners to the special abilities lovingly assigned to each character (more on this momentarily).

The fun starts at the very beginning: loyalty cards are handed out. Each player receives a card that tells them whether they’re a Cylon or not – there will be one or two Cylons, depending on the size of the group. Almost every player receives only one card, with some exceptions. For example, since Gaius Baltar is a “Coward,” he gets two cards. Immediately, his chances of being a Cylon are raised. Everyone looks at him with suspicion, especially when he tries to be helpful – a brilliant mechanic that is absolutely fitting for the character.

Big decisions have to be made constantly. Every turn, a new “Crisis Card” is put into play. The players have to work together, often choosing between two evils, for the good of the fleet. Secret votes are frequent – a prime opportunity for a Cylon to stir up trouble.

When a Cylon is finally revealed, either by choice or by discovery, a new dimension of the game opens up, with the Cylon actually taking control of her own fleet. Depending on the number of people in your party, at the halfway point of the game everyone might be given another loyalty card – and someone who may have thought they were a human finds out they’ve been a Cylon Sleeper Agent all along!

The game is primarily played with cards, but the board itself is gorgeous – again, so many details that make me smile – and fun, with miniature ships that clearly illustrate the threat at hand. There’s also an element of chance, with dice rolls, and skill cards that even affect your fate – oh, this game has a bit of everything. And, amazingly, it still feels streamlined and elegant.

The only major con is that it is a long, involved game, with an expected playing time of around three hours (though games do go faster when everyone has played at least once). It definitely helps if at least one person in the group is experienced already, both to speed along rule explanations and because the game can seem a bit daunting when you start pulling out all the components.

But if you’re devoting a day or a weekend to game-playing, this is a must-try. In fact, I loved it so much I went out and purchased a copy the following week. Sure, I may not play board games as often anymore, but I want the Battlestar: Galactica board game as an option when I do!

What about you?

Have you played this game? What other board games should I try?

If you missed it, check out my three-part interview with Richard Hatch:

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Originally published in the Geek Love Rules issue of the DriveThruRPG Newsletter.

Valentine’s Day is all love and fancy dinners when you’re in a relationship, but when you’re single, it’s a different story. It’s a day to complain of capitalism gone awry. It’s time to crow about Singles Awareness Day. It’s a day to lament that you’re “forever alone.”

Geek friends, let’s not do any of those things.

Instead, here are some simple ways to level up your love life. As with all strategy guides, some of these ideas may help you rack up achievements while others are things you may consider newbie knowledge. Take on the quests that work best for your character sheet and leave the rest for other adventurers in love.

1. Start a new activity with new people.

Expanding your social circle is a great way to meet that special someone. The wider your circle, the more connections you will have. If you’re looking for a woman and join a class that’s mostly guys, don’t fret; those guys have mothers, sisters, cousins, and even on-friendly-terms ex-girlfriends.

Check out Meetup.com for activity groups for everything you can imagine: dining out, comedy, foreign languages, writing, art, gaming, dancing, and more. Looking to learn a new skill? Your city or county recreation center may offer classes for both mind and body where you can meet new friends.

2. Let it go. Let it all go.

We often have excuses that we hold up as reasons why we’re single:

“I’m too fat.”

“I’m unemployed.”

“I might be moving next year.”

“I like being single. Really. I don’t care.”

“I’ll never find someone who will let me go to Friday Night Magic and play RPGs every weekend.”

Let it all go. Whatever your body shape, there is someone who finds that physique sexy. In this economy, everyone knows someone who is looking for work. Going to leave town? There is someone dying to start a new life anywhere but here. Best of all, there is a person out there who will love you even if you’re sorting a box of Magic cards in bed.

3. Winning the battle is not worth losing the war.

Often we feel that we have to hide our geeky side to attract a partner. And all too often, it works.

You can hide your geeky side and get married to someone who thinks you’re a “normal” person. All will go swimmingly until they realize you have a room full of just gaming supplies and you want to spend 6 hours of every Saturday slaying hobgoblins.

I can name several marriages that ended in divorce because one partner didn’t grok the other’s hobbies and tried to get them to quit their favorite pastime. Don’t settle for someone who doesn’t allow you the time to engage in the activities you enjoy.

Check out OkCupid.com and SoulGeek.com for the most geek and geek-friendly singles.

4. Real people are real.

We all have a perfect mate in our mind. They have a perfect body, they’re always gainfully employed, they always smell amazing, they cook like a 5-star chef, and they get dirty like no other. They will always understand you, always anticipate your every need, and always call you when you want to talk to them.

That person doesn’t exist. The most beautiful people get BO when they forget to put on deodorant. Your 5-star chef might suffer from seasonal depression. That financial executive that makes six figures could get laid off in six months. Most importantly, nobody is going to have the psychic link to your every need.

When you’re searching for love, focus on the big picture. What things are great about this person? What intrigues you about them? Can you see them as a friend, activity partner, and confidant? All of these things are reasons to say yes to a date (or a second date!).

5. Forgive and forget.

Imagine what life would be like if we could see emotional scars as clearly as we see physical scars. I’ll tell you this much: you’d see that we all have scars, even the people who you think have everything in life.

No matter what your history, you can find love.

No matter who you are (inside and out!), you can find love.

No matter what flavor of geek you are, you can find love.

Like all great games worth playing, the Game of Love balances risks and rewards, involves a dash of luck, and when you lose, you learn valuable techniques to improve your chances of winning the next go round.

…and you can’t win if you don’t play. Game on!

Happy February!

Every month in 2012, I’ll be delivering some tips, questions, and writing prompts that you can use to freshen up your dating profile and have you looking your best for the love of your life (or the love of the month, if you roll that way).

Big Tips For Every Dating Profile

Start with a bang! Folks on the internet are in a hurry and like to have things delivered to their eyes as quickly as possible, otherwise, they move on. If your first sentence or two isn’t gripping, they’re going to slip away to the next profile.

Have an interchangeable section of your profile.  If this happens to be the beginning of your profile, even better. Have parts of your profile that you can delete and replace with other information. This is where you can freshen up your profile for the month by shooting in some new words that will catch the eye of someone new.

Don’t worry about Valentine’s Day. Every single person knows that 2/14 is coming, so don’t stress about it or mention it.

A Tip for Those in New Relationships on Valentine’s Day

If you end up on a first date around V-Day, bringing a single rose is a nice gesture. Go for pink, which is generally considered to be less serious-romance than red. Or if your date has a sweet tooth, a small box of chocolates would also be cool. Sappy cards are right out.

If you’re in a new relationship (under a month), think about where you stand. If you’re in contact constantly and all lovey-dovey, then go for the traditional gift and sappy card. If you’re only seeing each other once a week or you’re not exclusive, a smaller gift is more appropriate.

Three Questions for February

Looking for inspiration to freshen up your profile so it says, “I’ve updated this recently”? Here you go!

• What do you love about Winter? Do you love warm wool sweaters, playing in the snow with your kids or dogs, going skiing, or just having an excuse to drink more hot cocoa?
• What’s your favorite way to spend a snow day?
• What are your plans for the leap year? (Hey, it’s a whole extra day!)

Three Writing Prompts

Starting a new profile or re-writing yours? Here are some questions that might get your creative juices flowing.

• What’s the biggest leap of faith you made that was totally worth it?
• If you could take a weekend class to learn something new, what would it be?
• What scent reminds you of home? (Either your childhood home or current home.)

Happy Dating, Geek Friends!

Remember that I’m here for you if you need any help with your dating profile.

Here’s why you should kick those excuses to the curb –>

See that picture right there? That needs to be your motto.

New Year, New You?

Everyone starts the new year with aspirations. And we think, if I can just get those things on track first, then I’ll put up a dating profile. If I can just have this one habit cemented in my daily life, then I’ll go join that singles group. If I can just get to the gym every day for a month, then I’ll go to that mixer at church.

Why wait?

The biggest difference between you now and you two months from now is that you’ll be two months older and have two months more experience at being single.

Nobody’s Perfect

I’m certainly not perfect. I’m overweight. I have been overweight for the majority of my adult life. I suffer from depression and have occasionally thought I was “good enough” to go without my meds. (I am very happily back on them and plan to stay that way.) My previous career as a public school teacher left me in temporary poverty every August and with a small mountain of debt.

But I didn’t wait to find love. Neither should you, no matter how imperfect you may be.

Parts of You Are Pretty Awesome

Every time I interview a new client, I have an amazing time. I love learning about new people, “meeting” them via chat and getting to know what’s important to them and how they tick. More than that, I love being able to use my talents to write them a profile that really showcases what makes them pretty awesome.

You are a unique and awesome snowflake. There, I said it. There are things about you that are unlike any other person anyone has ever met. The way you smile, the way you laugh, the way you think, the things you’re great at, and the things you fail at hilariously. You are pretty awesome.

Who are you to deny your awesomeness to the world because of a few imperfections?

Happy New Year!

Every month in 2012, I’ll be delivering some tips, questions, and writing prompts that you can use to freshen up your dating profile and have you looking your best for the love of your life (or the love of the month, if you roll that way).

Big Tips For Every Dating Profile

Start with a bang! Folks on the internet are in a hurry and like to have things delivered to their eyes as quickly as possible, otherwise, they move on. If your first sentence or two isn’t gripping, they’re going to slip away to the next profile.

Have an interchangeable section of your profile.  If this happens to be the beginning of your profile, even better. Have parts of your profile that you can delete and replace with other information. This is where you can freshen up your profile for the month by shooting in some new words that will catch the eye of someone new.

Three Questions for January

Looking for inspiration to freshen up your profile so it says, “I’ve updated this recently”? Here you go!

• What excites you about starting a new year?
• Do you have any New Year traditions? [You can do the failed resolutions angle if you make it funny, not depressing.]
• What was your favorite memory of the holidays?

Three Writing Prompts

Starting a new profile or re-writing yours? Here are some questions that might get your creative juices flowing.

• What never fails to make you smile? Is it a person, an animal, a writer, a piece of music? Describe what it’s like when you’re around this person/animal/thing.
• Everyone wants to change the world. Are you more likely to do this through volunteering your time or donating your money?
• When was the last time that you had so much fun that you lost track of time? What were you doing?

Happy Dating, Geek Friends!

Remember that I’m here for you if you need any help with your dating profile.

Welcome to 2012, everyone!

When you’ve read as many dating profiles as I have, you start to notice patterns. Whether it’s writing about your ex, being negative, starting every sentence with “I”, or not giving your audience any reason to write you, I think I’ve covered a lot of them in the past. (If you’re new, click on Geek Dating Advice and take a surf through the archives!)

But I missed this one!

A Good Example

Let’s look at an example of good web design. I’m going to be a little self-serving here and show off the skills of the designerds at my day job, ThinkGeek.  Here’s a screenshot of a product page:

Notice a few things, which I’ve numbered:

1. Photos & Video
2. Headline & top 3 things about the product
3. Social Media sharing
4. Customer Action Shots (social proof)
5. Price / Buy Now / Wishlist / Facebook Like (more social proof)

What do all of things have in common? It’s the secret that’s going to help your dating profile!

Location, Location, Location

All of these things appear above the fold.

Depending on your monitor, your fold-age may vary, but the important thing to realize is that when people read on the internet, they want to see something right when the page loads that catches their attention and holds it. Otherwise, they click away.

Web folks call this the “Bounce Rate.” These are folks who click into your site and instead of doing what you want (staying & interacting), they click away to go elsewhere. Having a high bounce rate means that something is wrong with your website. It’s not sticky enough. It could be your design, your content, or a combination of the two.

How Sticky Is Your Profile?

Let’s take a look at what above the fold looks like for two popular dating sites, OkCupid (free) and Match (paid).

OkCupid Profile

Your main photo and Self-Summary are the first things  people will see. If your Self-Summary is short, folks may see the What I’m Doing With My Life section (or if you leave things blank, whatever the next thing you filled in is).

What This Means

For a sticky OkCupid profile, you need:

• A great default photo. The math nerds at OkCupid have crunched the numbers and given some advice on that on their blog.
• A super self-summary. Most profiles have never been revised or edited. They start weak because you’re not sure what to say about yourself and as you keep writing, you hit your stride and by the end, it’s pretty good. Problem is, you never go back to fix the beginning, so it stays boring and wishy-washy. Start your profile with a bang! How about short, funny anecdote? Maybe something weird that you like to do: My dating profile started out by admitting I like to ride my shopping cart in the parking lot of the grocery store.
• Keep up the pace! Once you’ve gotten someone to read your self-summary, keep up the great writing! Need help? I can advise you on profile improvements, edit your profile, or write one for you from scratch.

Match.com Profile

I really don’t like Match.com’s new UI, but that’s a story for another post. (Note to self: Write another post!)

Like OkCupid, your main photo is prominently displayed above the fold. So is your headline, although it’s in a tiny font on a fairly dark background.

What This Means

For a sticky Match.com profile, you need:

• A great default photo. The advice of OkCupid’s math nerds still applies here.
• Additional photos. I recommend clients to have at least 4 photos, and for Match’s profile format, you really need those extra shots to give folks a place to click. Since all your photos are available before a match sees your written profile, choose your photos with care. They are your first impression.
• A snappy headline. It is a little lost in the blue sea, but it’s the only thing above the fold that’s in your own words. Make it count. Movie quotes work great here!
• Activity & Interests: Notice the white boxes below the photos. These are populated by matching the checkboxes you selected for your interests with those of your potential match. Be sure to check off at least a few things that interest you. It also lets matches know if you’ve uploaded a new photo. Rotating photos in and out of your profile every couple weeks will keep you flagged as having “new” photos.

Once you’ve gotten someone interested enough to scroll down, remember that those first few lines of your written profile count! Make them interesting so your match will scroll back up and click “Email Him/Her.”

How About You?

Got questions about how to improve the stickiness of your profile? Take a screenshot of what your profile looks like above the fold and link it in a comment below. I’ll give pointers to anyone who posts here by Friday 1/6/12.