e’s been having a rough few months, health-wise, but even as she’s been battling one ailment after another she’s been determined to make Geek’s Dream Girl the best it can be.  She’s still encouraging others to be #Fit4GenCon, even if exercising and whatnot is rightfully last on her own priority list.  She’s also just as funny and warm in person as she is in her posts.  Essentially, if anyone deserves to be showered with love and presents on her birthday, it’s e!

As you read posts today, perhaps some by our fabulous new writers, remember that none of us would be here if it weren’t for the ultimate and original Dream Girl.  Catch her on twitter or leave a comment below, but show some love to the birthday girl!

We narrowed the field down to the 34 we liked best and asked them for sample articles that they thought would fit our site.  Then came the long deliberations. Oh, and mono. Seriously, we would have hired people a month ago if I didn’t come down with stupid mono.

ANYHOO! While we would have loved to hire all 34 of the round 2 folks, we had a budget to consider and narrowed it down to the top 6. You’ll be seeing new blood on the blog starting as early as Thursday.

Here’s a sneak peek at our new hires:

• c – Also known around web as Ariel Manx, Connie will be our Thursday girl. She’ll be writing about many aspects of geek life, including tabletop RPGs, sci-fi books, and geeky crafts.
• d -Denise will be joining us twice a month on Mondays. One Monday will be dedicated to topics  in the LGBT geek community and gay dating, and the other Monday will delve into comic books and graphic novels.
• GGG - Andy is our Gay Guy Geek (or is it Gay Geek Guy? We’ll let him figure it out.). He’ll be joining us once a month to cover topics that we girls just shouldn’t attempt on our own. *grin*
• JLB – Perhaps you’ve heard of Jennifer Brozek? Her name is in quite a few RPG books! She’ll have a monthly column about writing for the RPG industry.
• m -  Michelle will be joining us twice a month on Mondays. We were excited to learn that she has worked in the anime industry in script adaptation and subtitling. She’ll be covering anime and manga for us and filling a giant gap (since neither J nor I are particularly fluent in that flavor of geekery).
• z – And because J and I aren’t getting any younger (and she’s got some cool ideas!), the talented and youthful z will be posting weekly on Saturdays covering all sorts of geeky topics.

And just in case you’ve forgotten…

Here’s our regular crew:

• e – Bringing you Geek Love (whenever the inspiration strikes!), D&D (mostly Tuesdays!), and Anon-O-Box Fridays. Oh, and writing your online dating profile.
• j – To get you through Hump Day, J will be delivering a dose of geekery every Wednesday. She also dips her hand into the Anon-O-Box on occasion. Also happy to write your online dating profile!
• (sometimes) y – Y’s busy with school and work at the moment, but promises to come back soon and fill your minds with all sorts of sexy things.
• Ryven – Our resident astrologer will bring your Geek Horoscope on the last Monday of every month.

Welcome, new folks!

We’re so excited about our new hires and really hope you’ll enjoy their posts. Keep your eyes peeled for our newbies’ first articles – they’re coming soon!

The funny part is that the one person I’ve been kissing for the past year or so does not have mono. Since mono has a long incubation period, it’s anybody’s guess where I picked up the rogue infected saliva. Maybe at that Waffle House we stopped in on the long road home from PAX East?

(Or heck, maybe I just got it breathing the air at PAX East. H1N1 at Prime, Mono at East?)

Mono basically kicks your immune system’s ass and opens wide the door for every secondary infection known to man. After a stomach bug, pinkeye, a sore throat, a nasty hacking wheezing cough, and the worst sinus infection I’ve ever had, I think – *knock on wood* – that the worst of it is over.

I’d like to thank the wonderful, beautiful, talented and lovely J for handling twice the normal load of clients and doing it with a smile. Oh, and I’d be crazy not to mention how much I love DaveTheGame for taking care of the lump on a bed that was my body for the past month.

In the meantime, here are the things I’d like to apologize for being behind schedule on:

• Hiring new writers
• GeekMMM newsletter
• Revamping our dating services (like a current package just the way it is? Grab it now.)
• Writing blog posts
• Being my usual chipper self!

I was a newt, but I got better.

The good news is that I’ve gotten healthy enough to go back to my day job as copywriter at ThinkGeek. Of course, my coworkers have been teasing me mercilessly. They bought me a giant mono microbe (that’s the pic above) and have been blaming all coworker illnesses and injuries on me.

Even though my doctor assures me I’m only contagious through a) shared food/drink devices and b) hot makeouts, my co-monkeys have made me the scapegoat. (Scapemonkey?) Thus far, I’m responsible for pinkeye, two badly stubbed toes, a chronic sinus problem, any and all feelings of fatigue, and chest pains. I love my day job.

After a four week sabbatical, I’m restarting my Eberron D&D game on Tuesday night.  Yeah, that’s right, I haven’t played any D&D in a month. Really missing it.

In the near future, I expect to be fully caught up on all the other things I’ve gotten behind on doing. I’ve been very frustrated being out of commission for so long and look forward to getting back to business as usual as quickly as possible.

Thank you for all your support, patience, and understanding.

Just a bit past Valentine’s Day 2008, I fired up a Blogger account with big dreams and flew by the seat of my pants.  (Flying by the seat of my pants is pretty much my M.O. for life in general.)

Please indulge us as we take a look back…

Fond Memories

The Post That Started It All:

• Just call me e.

E’s Favorite Posts from Geek Love:

• Geek’s Guide to Success in Online Dating (not a post, but a guide to all our Geek Love materials organized by subject)
• The Great Dates in 50 States Series (growing every day!)
• Ladies, Stop Making Dating Like American Idol
• The Date Keith Baker adventure (page is down since the man behind Eberron now has a lady friend!)
• What Las Vegas Can Teach You About Online Dating
• Does “Curvy” Mean She’s Fat?

J’s Favorite Posts from Geek Life:

• TV That Molded a Geek: The X-Files
• Wesley Crusher, Inadvertently Responsible for the Bloomin’ Onion
• j’s Soapbox: You Can’t Be Successful If You’re Self-Loathing, Syfy
• Short Stories: Do They Make The Best Movies?

E’s Favorite Posts from Dungeons & Dragons:

• LiveBlogging: Dungeons & Dragons Experience 2010 (DDXP)
• The D&D Astrology Series (guest posts by Ryven Cedrylle)
• Excuse Me, Miss. Didn’t I See You In The Monster Manual 2?
• Top Five Reasons Why Dungeons & Dragons Will Help You Survive the Recession
• Are You Working With The Undead? (Open Grave: D&D 4e Supplement)

E’s Favorite Graphic (tie):

My horrible Photoshop skills are getting better.  My favorite graphics are from the same post wishing happy birthday to J and Yax of DungeonMastering.

Site Stats

When I moved the site from BlueHost to WPBlogHost, I forgot to re-activate the Google Analytics, so I’m missing about a month of stats.  Oops!  So these stats are kinda guesstimated based on recent traffic (and leaning on the modest side!):

Visitors

• Total Unique Visitors - 200k+
• Page Views - 600k+
• Max RSS Feed Subscribers –  305
• Average Time on Site - 2:08 (gee, thanks StumbleUpon!!) ;p
• Average Pages Per Visit - 2.19
• Best Ever Traffic Day -  12/8/2009 – StumbleUpon sent nearly 3000 views to my Dungeons & Dragons Erotica post.
• Favorite Insult - Definitely the time some fine folks on RPGnet compared me to an escort service. That was libel-licious.

Posts

• Number of Posts – 667 (neighbor of the beast!)
• Most Popular Post of All Time –  Dinner and a Movie? Yawn. First Date Ideas That Are Different!
• Most Popular Post of 2009 –  Dungeons & Dragons Erotica

Geography

• Top 3 US States – California, New York, Texas
• Top 3 Foreign Countries – Canada, UK, Australia
• Top 3 Canadian Cities – Ottawa, Edmonton, Vancouver (honorable mention to Calgary – you all ALMOST beat Vancouver!)

Referrals

• Top 5 Referring Sites (not counting search engines) – StumbleUpon, Twitter, Critical-Hits, RPGBloggers, EnWorld

Search Terms

• Most frequent:
  • variations on Geek’s Dream Girl
  • geek dating
  • Shelly Mazzanoble (mwah ha ha!)
  • D&D Tiny Adventures
  • geek girls
  • dating profile help
  • good usernames / fun usernames
• Oddest:
  • sleeping whore
  • bad whore
  • dnd sex bondage 4e
  • the goat and chicken sex joke
  • e foley geek’s dream girl what does she looks like
  • geek’s dream girl ugly boyfriend
  • my girlfriend gave me harpies

To All Our Readers, Clients, and Colleagues:

Thank you, thank you, thank you.  We do this because of all of you amazing folks that keep us company here on the blog, on our Twitter (e & j) accounts, on Facebook, and via email and chat. We appreciate the time you spend with us every day and wish you the best as we all voyage into The Future together!

I have three goal words, but will be sharing one big one with you all because I really, really, really want you to help me stick to it.  Whether it’s by sending me a tweet once in a while, commenting on a post, or even sending me an email, hold me accountable, okay?  Then when I’m hot, I’ll send y’all bikini pictures.  Okay, maybe not.  But maybe. We’ll see.

Maybe we’ll chat in a hot tub at GenCon.

My word is…

HEALTHSTYLE

More about healthstyle can be found at SummerTomato! Ever since I found Darya and her site, I’ve been a huge fan. She’s a scientist, a foodie, and knows how to get healthy while eating awesome food. Check out her guest post called Get Fit By Becoming A Food Geek.

Paths to Healthstyle

Path 1: Cook more meals at home (eat out less that 3 meals per week)

• Distractions: being unprepared (not going food shopping), unexpected schedule changes, parties/company, being lazy, free food at work
• Steps to the path: Plan out menus/recipes for a whole week, regular days for food shopping to stay stocked up, extra meals in the freezer for quick dinners, plans for breakfast, Salad Club at work
• The finish line: Being a better cook, fewer cravings, energy, losing weight, buying smaller clothes, being #fit4gencon!

Path 2: Make appointments for exercise and show up

• Distractions: being lazy, making excuses, not waking up, not having gym clothes, bad weather
• Steps to the path: Set regular schedule for every day, do laundry regularly, set out gym clothes at night, don’t make excuses
• The finish line: A regular exercise habit that I look forward to doing, more energy, losing weight, more toned muscles, buying smaller clothes, being #fit4gencon!

Path 3: Indulge in moderation

• Distractions: wanting to indulge more (or more often), being in situations where it’s hard not to indulge or where healthy choices are unavailable, letting myself fall off the wagon after one or two bad days, free snack food at work
• Steps to the path: Identify things that are worth indulging in and enjoying those fully. Avoiding mindless indulgences like chips, cookies, etc, that aren’t unique or worthwhile. At work, eat nuts, fruit, or Salad Club veggies as snacks. Find ways to celebrate that don’t hinge on food.  Drink more wine.
• The finish line: A healthy lifestyle that still involves cheesecake, chocolate, and wine.

Last year, I took the goofy route and posted the D&D Adventurer’s Guide to Thanksgiving Survival.  This year, I’m going the short n’ sappy route.

Thank you to the 134,013 unique visitors who have stopped by to spend time with us since last Thanksgiving.

Thank you to the wonderful websites that link to us, who provided 43% of those visitors, especially the RPG Bloggers Network.

Thank you for our Twitter friends, all 2439 that follow E and 208 that follow J. (Seriously, more of you should go follow J!)

Thank you to the members of GeekMMM for being part of a new and exciting project (and being patient while we grow to critical mass).

Thank you to our sexy geeky clients. We love working with you and we LOVE it when you get more dates and find love!

As I write this, it’s 3:13 am.  This is the third night in a row that I’ve been up past 3 am working on the site.  My eyeballs are dried out, my brain is fried, and I’d sleep if I could stop the lines of PHP from floating through my brain like the Matrix.

At least tonight I’ll make it to bed before DaveTheGame wakes up for work.

First, let me tell you a bit about why the change happened in the first place.

The Goals

• Put the business face of GDG forward. Since I’m currently a full-time writer, I needed to be sure that I was promoting my services to newbies to the site.  As it was, the blog was front and center and the services were kind of a side note.
• Have a theme that’s currently supported. While I loved Justin Tadlock’s Structure theme, we were outgrowing it and it’s no longer being updated or supported.

Pros and “Cons”

Pros

• StudioPress is amazing.  Not only do they have great themes, they have utterly fantastic tutorial videos and a very active support forum.  Many thanks to SoZo for putting up with my questions!
• Because of the facts listed above, I was able to do the majority of the work on the site myself rather than spending money (or hounding friends).
• J and I feel the site retains the vibe of GDG but improves upon the design and layout.  What do you think?

“Cons”

• I apologize in advance if you hate change, especially if you’re the type of person who thrives on the status quo.   Unfortunately, I’m the type of person who believes there’s always room for improvement, and this change was a long time comin’!
• There are going to be people who miss having the box on the top right with the Recent Posts, Popular Posts, and Categories.  You’ll be glad to know that the featured boxes on the home page show the most recent 6-9 posts, with thumbnails and excerpts!  You’ll also find your familiar Recent Posts widget in the sidebar of all posts.
• You’ll notice a few new widgets promoting our services or particular blog posts or features.  Please also notice that all other advertisements are at a bare minimum.  We like it that way and we hope you do, too.

Code Monkeys, I Bow Down To You

I’ve learned a lot in the past couple weeks, mainly that I have no business being a code monkey.  What probably would have taken you four hours of work has taken me many, many sleepless nights.

But in true geek fashion, I pressed on because it was important for me to learn something.

And I have.  I’ve learned a ton about CSS and PHP.  I’ve also learned that if I can afford it, I’m hiring a code monkey next time so my site can get redone in 1/16th of the time while I’m sipping iced tea and planning my Eberron campaign.

What Do You Think?

Poke around the new digs for a while and come back here to let us know what you think.  We’re pretty stoked about the new look, but open to feedback – and bug reports! -  from our dear geeky readers.

If you’ve ever wondered:

“Why do online dating help services exist?”

“Isn’t online dating useless?  Those success stories are 1 in a million and won’t happen to me.”

“Am I a horrible, sad, maladjusted person to need to hire E to help me find love?”

…then read on!

Statistics and “Results Not Typical”

Clips from the actual “hate” email are in green.

Your website, your service, it offends me. Or a better word is that it depresses me.

I don’t mean to say that YOU personally invoke this feeling, but that the existence of your service hurts my heart. While I have never seen any statistical data to show one way or the other, I do not believe that online dating is successful; it’s at best like playing the lottery. Success stories are the outlier.

I’m here to tell you that statistics don’t matter.   Why?  Let me tell you in the context of something I know a lot about – WeightWatchers.

If you think of the amount of people who join WeightWatchers in an average year (most of them right after January 1st), it’s a huge number.   But if you compare that number with the number of people who reach their goal weight and maintain it, it’s a horrible success rate.

In fact, if you read any success stories on WeightWatchers.com, there’s a tiny byline that says “Results not typical.”

HOWEVER – There’s a reason for that.  Is it that WeightWatchers program doesn’t work?  Nope.  It’s because the TYPICAL person who signs up for WeightWatchers goes for a few months, loses 10 pounds, starts skipping meetings, gains weight, and finally quits.

The TYPICAL person who does online dating writes a boring, vague, or downright awful dating profile.  They post pictures that are either too old or that send the wrong message.  They don’t actively try to be successful.  They sit on their rump and hope that their shoddy profile puts out a bat signal strong enough to draw in their perfect match.

Or they go balls to the wall for a month and write tons of emails.  Then they get upset at the low return rate, so they start doing cut-n-paste emails, which gets them an even worse return rate.  Then they finally quit, blaming the system for failing them, when in reality, they failed to use the system to their benefit.

If you’ve ever read Outliers: The Story of Success by Malcolm Gladwell, you’ll know that an outlier is successful because of the opportunities they are afforded in their life.   As a member of our technology-driven society, you have the opportunity to use online dating as a tool to find the love of your life.  [If you haven't read Outliers, you simply must.  It's amazing.]

Can’t Buy Me Love

So I feel it takes advantage of lonely, socially-underdeveloped men who think they can find love online. That your service gives an implicit promise of success in romance. I feel that it is leading them on while taking their money. It saddens me that this service EXISTS because there is a desire for it, that there are men out there experiencing the need so much that they have to pay for Help.

There are men and women paying for similar services and they’ve been doing so long before I entered the market.   Check out some of the big dogs like E-Cyrano (aka Evan Marc Katz) or ProfileHelper.   What I’ve done is carved out a niche helping geeks, because geeks are my people.  I am a geek and I understand geeks.

I can’t make promises that people will get more dates, but it’s certainly a possibility.  It has been a reality for many of my clients.

I’m not leading people on thinking they’re going to find love any more than WeightWatchers leads people on thinking they’re going to lose weight or IHOP leads people on that they’re going to Come Hungry, Leave Happy.

It’s up to you as a consumer to evaluate the product or service based on your individual personality and needs.   If you hate IHOP’s service, you probably won’t Leave Happy.   If you can’t commit to new eating habits, you won’t be a WeightWatchers success story.   If you’re bitter and jaded about romance, the best dating profile in the world might get you a first date, but not lasting love.

Admitting Weakness Isn’t Easy

And at the same time, I myself am depressed because I too want your service. I am too prideful, too cheap, and too pessimistic about online dating and my own chances to pay for the service to begin with, but I too am a lonely socially-underdeveloped man and I too am tempted by you. And that makes me feel shame. And reminds me of my own loneliness and the hopelessness of the situation, of the looking online, of the hours spent tearing myself up inside due to the lack of responses and the skimming of online sites, spinning my wheels.

For starters, don’t buy my services if you can’t afford it.  Seriously.  While your money pays my bills, I don’t want it at the expense of the other things in your life.

As for your shame, think about it this way:

• Would you feel shame for hiring a Realtor to help sell your house?
• Would you feel shame for hiring a copywriter to write the sales page for your business’ website?
• Would you feel shame for hiring a hairstylist to cut your hair and give you a new, sexy look?
• Would you feel shame for hiring a personal trainer to help you work out and get muscle definition?

It’s natural to feel a little shameful. Men in particular are taught in our society that asking for help denotes weakness of character.   So admitting that you’re not successful at finding a mate is a double blow to the ego.

However, we are a society.  In a society people with strengths in certain things offer their services to people who are not so good at those things.

If the idea of hiring a professional writer and fellow geek to help you put your best foot forward for online dating feels wrong to you, then read my archives, use the free information and give it a go that way first.

I don’t know why I told you any of that, or how I can justify it to myself. You, a stranger, a businesswoman, an individual, owe me no explanation and do not deserve to have strangers dump their accusations or emotional baggage on you (unless they are paying you, after all). You have the right to your own business, and there is clearly a market for it. I don’t know why I feel compelled to tell you any of it. But I do.

You are right.  I didn’t owe you an explanation.  However, when one person raises some serious concerns, I know there are probably 20 others in the shadows wondering about similar things.   Thank you for the chance for me to help clarify and allay these concerns.

To all my readers, clients, and future clients:

I am in this business for the joy of helping the geek community.   I do this because I love to read and write.   I do this because I love talking with other geeks.   I do this because I get warm fuzzies every time a client says they’re having success with their new profile.  I do this for geek love!

Happy Birthday, e!

I have had a blast so far being the Assistant Dream Girl, and that’s due mostly to the fact that e makes me feel welcome, even when I’m asking endless questions. And how amazing is it that she even dreamed up this place to begin with? I feel like I have the coolest job ever – I get to write about geek stuff AND there’s real fulfillment in helping people out. I am just so happy to be a part of the team!

So I’m making this sneaky midnight post to say: Have a happy birthday, and here’s hoping you get your fill of minions and souls!

Please note, I have only enough Photoshop skills to be dangerous.

Are you ready?  Can you handle it?

Happy Birthday J!

I am so happy that I hired you, J.  You filled a gap in Geek’s Dream Girl that I didn’t even realize I had.

I’m loving having you here with all your awesome sci-fi knowledge and opinions.

I know that people love you because you always get tons of comments – and heck, people are GOOGLING looking for you!

I’m so glad we’re working together and hopefully one day I’ll have enough money to start sending you to the sci-fi cons to spread the Geek’s Dream Girl word!

What’s really funny that most people don’t know about J is that we used to both live in Orlando and have mutual friends, but never actually met each other.  One of her best friends dated the roommate of my ex-boyfriend (but before I met him – confused yet?).  Either way, I can’t wait until the day when J and I can meet in person.  We get along so well online!

Happy Birthday, Yax!

Yax has the privilege of turning 30 eleven whole days before me – nyah nyah nyah!

I will always have a spot in my heart for you, Yax.  You were one of the first “big name” bloggers to pay attention to me and link to me.  (And heck, you weren’t even THAT big back then!  Look at you now!)

I’ve admired your ability to research and apply all the newest stuff in internet marketing and blogging to grow Expy’s empire.

He must be a hard dragon to please, because you’ve been working your tail off for a long time!

Don’t worry about turning 30.  I’m not!   I hear 30 is the new 20, anyway.  We’ve gotten out of our “young and stupid” years and have moved into “experienced and crazy” years!  Sounds fun, right?

Leave your birthday wishes below!

Got a birthday wish for Yax or J?  Leave a comment!