But yeah, that’s a shitty metaphor.

These men were our lighthouse.

They kept us alive as we sailed the seas of the RPG web.  They didn’t care if you were a popular cruise ship or a tiny dinghy, they shone the same bright light on everyone, allowing us each to be seen instead of being lost to the waves and the darkness like so many bloggers before.

To Phil, the Chatty DM

You’ve been one of my favorite people on the internet since we first “met.”  I’ve loved watching you grow from a mere blogger to one of the big thinkers and writers in our niche.  Getting to play Saved by the Grell with you was one of the highlights of GenCon.  Your special brand of tact – perhaps a Canadian thing? – has defused many an argument.  You’re a fantastic DM and one of my favorite creative minds.  Heck, your special brand of genius has even leaked into Mielka’s D&D game!   I can’t wait to read all the great books that you’re going to write and hear about the children whose lives you are going to touch through your amazing kids’ adventures.  You’re doing the greatest service to our hobby – ensuring it carries over to the next generation.

To Graham

This blog wouldn’t have survived this long without you.  Heck, I think there are probably 30 or so blogs that wouldn’t be here without your technical skills.  RPGBN certainly wouldn’t have grown to what it came to be without your constant, unpaid work, all done while finishing your engineering degree and while neglecting your own blog.  You’re a champion in the fight against ignorance all over the RPG web and it’s no surprise that some of us refer to you as Graham the 4e Paladin.  (Even though yes, we know you defend the honor of other systems!)  Thank you, thank you, thank you for being the (mostly) patient recipient of many a panicked IM and for always doing your best to make it all better.  You’re like emergency medical care for code and you do it all with great bedside manner.

To Danny, aka Bartoneus

Every captain needs a first mate, and you’ve been all that and a whole lot more to Dave.  You’re a graphic designer, a writer, a thinker, an interviewer… all this while being content to remain relatively out of the spotlight.  Your sense of humor had us all in stitches at GenCon, whether it was in the hotel room or around a table at a meal or a game.   We need more people like you, folks who are the constant companions and staunch supporters that make the world go round.

To DaveTheGame

You’re more than just my boyfriend.  My respect for you pre-dates our relationship.  Critical-Hits has always been a bastion of journalistic excellence in the RPG community.   It’s the place I have always gone first to read about new D&D books, the place I link to when people want to know the best place to get their news, and if I had to cut my blogroll to just one blog, yours would be it. I know the spirit with which you started RPGBloggers.  It was a grand dream, to have a place where even the littlest RPG bloggers could overcome the hurdle of months of no traffic, struggling to gain readership even if their content was great.  Well, that dream was realized.  There are blogs everywhere that got their start because of RPGBloggers and there are bloggers who have been motivated by that traffic to continue writing great content.  Your donation of time and talent has allowed creative and talented new voices the platform to be heard.

To the Board

Always know that we will see you as the fathers of the RPG Bloggers Network, the ones that got it all started and slaved away your free time so that others could succeed.

If we have seen further it is only by standing on the shoulders of giants.  Thank you for being those giants, oh captains, our captains.  Thank you.

If you followed my tweets over the past week, you’ve gotten a lot of the highlights of the GenCon experience.  Here’s the wrap-up with some extra commentary for you, split into a few sections to organize things better.

First… the gaming!

Drunk D&D

DD&D was a great way to kick off the convention.  At the table we had:

• Phil the ChattyDM as … duh, DM.
• DaveTheGame as Fatbot the Warforged who eats everything
• Graham (Critical Ankle Bites) as Ponzi the Halfling Fonzi
• Christine (Graham’s fiancee) as Mary Juanita the “High” Elf
• Jared (Head Injury Theater / Goblin Stompers D&D sneaker contest winner) as Emowgli the goth kid who hated everyone
• Bartoneus as J’Booty the “Boardmage” surfer / ladies man
• and myself, Honey Potts the psionic  bard band slut (She’s 18, really she is!)

We were the DungeonBowl team from St Tequilus High School and were competing against the team from Wandering Monsters High School, except they were dirty cheats.  Not much actual DungeonBowl got played, but the following awesomeness happened:

• Honey un-summoned her summoned armor and ran naked across the field.  She also got it on with Ponzi.
• J’Booty convinced just about every female in the vicinity to go under the bleachers with him.
• Fatbot ate four light breakfasts, a table, grass, and miscellaneous things from the cabinets of the Science Lab before finally revealing that he was an exchange student – a Gelatinous Cube stuffed in a Warforged shell.
• MaryJuanita and J’Booty smoked much illegal herbs, including getting all the DungeonBowl “balls” high.
• Ponzi crashed through people with his summoned black motorcycle, but I think the best vehicle was the Zamboni that J’Booty stole.
• Emowgli had a very special piece of armor – The Codpiece of Genital Agony.  It had a pull start like a lawnmower and the spikes whirled around slashing people.
• We were visited by a mystery WotC employee just in time for Phil to ask the important question – whether the Beholder could turn his eye on himself and put himself to sleep to get away from the lecherous intentions of Honey, who had seen multiple tentacles and gotten extremely turned on.

Quote of the night from the Beholder: “Why do my eyes smell funny?”

D&D Press Game

We got to play a (way too short!) press game with Wizards of the Coast’s Jeremy Crawford DMing on Friday.   Because the ENnie Awards were Friday night, we had to cut the game short so we all could get dinner and such.

WotC has these really nice character cards for the delves now – full color, all the math done for you.  Very nice.  They all had goofy names, tho, so Jeremy encouraged us to rename our characters however we liked.

I picked Lam the Changeling Sorcerer and added a silent B to her name.  The adventure began with farmers being kidnapped and the sound of sad sheep.  Oh noes!  There was even a dead sheep in the first room.  Jeremy pointed out that the dead sheep was difficult terrain.  Poor sheep.

Bartoneus was playing the druid and when he switched into his Wild Shape, he used a mini that Jared brought along – totally freakin’ awesome.  For the rest of the encounter, it was all about “Schmooooo!”

My other favorite quote was from Jared, who was fighting the swarm of snakes.  He used his shield to “scoop” them, and said: “I start scooping the snakes! Scooping them violently!” He rolled poorly, and the scooping was more like shoving the snakes around harmlessly.  Oh well.

When we realized that we were out of time, DaveTheGame gave the battle cry: “LEROY JENKINS!!” and we all ran into the last room, just to see what was there.

It was a good game and I wish we would have had time to complete the delve.  Jeremy is a fun DM and willingly went along with our antics, which is always appreciated!

All-Bard D&D

If you remember, back in March, I took a trip to StupidRanger land and played a very awesome game of D&D with StupidRanger & Dante.  SR and I were the twin Goliath bards, Toccata and Fugue, raised in a dwarven orphanage for the questionably sane.  We had so much fun we decided to do an all-bard game at GenCon with some extra people.

Added to the mix were:

• Vanir from StupidRanger as Tarrasque Loaf, the rock n’roll bard
• DaveTheGame as Beatbox Machine, the ipod/beatboxing warforged bard
• Bartoneus, who took over Toccata when SR had to leave early

Fun parts / quotes:

• Dave’s warforged: “I calculated a 71% chance that was an adventure hook.” Metagaming ftw.
• Dave’s beatboxing/ipod warforged bard smells fire, starts playing “We Didn’t Start The Fire.”
• After SR left, Bartoneus summoned her spirit bear Bobo and started to… well… here’s Vanir’s reaction: “I could get a bear job? Fantastic!!!“
• We fought three versions of undead Michael Jackson (too soon? go beat up Dante, he was the DM!) and Stevie Nicks.  Almost got to the final boss (William Shakespeare, of course) but had to stop due to lack of time (sense the theme here? GenCon needs 30 hour days!).

Out of the Box

I wish we could have had a bigger audience for this, but it was 9 am on Sunday, so everyone was pretty much beat by then.  The good thing about me being beat is I’m too tired to be self-conscious.

Our party was sent to a rehab facility to learn how to work together, since last time we tried to work together, we failed miserably and the person we were escorting got kidnapped.  (Oops.)

We had:

• Me – psychic illiterate shifter druid, Lily Morningwood
• DaveTheGame – rogue/wizard Henry Ne’erDoWell, who claims “ain’t no problem that can’t be fixed by stabbin’.“
• Bartoneus – the Virtue of Cunning, Linguist bard, who spoke Primordial, “the language of love……. and creation.“
• Chgowiz – the puzzlemaster wizard
• Yax – the effeminate barbarian
• Vanir – the co-DM / voice of Henry’s eye
• Dante – DM
• StupidRanger – photographer / audience treat distributor

The whole game was recorded by the folks at PulpGamer, but I’m honestly not sure it’s fit to distribute.  There were some questionable moments that could be NC-17 rated.

Each character had a solo encounter/puzzle they had to solve in order to save the party from death being squished by the ceiling.  In Lily’s scenario, she was dropped into a field with a fence.  There was a sign on the fence, but obviously, Lily couldn’t read it.

Dante wrote down what the sign said and showed it to the rest of the group and the audience, who snickered.  Why did I pick an illiterate character?

I could hear sounds on the other side of the fence but couldn’t see anything.  On the ground next to me, I found a bag of flour, two wands, a pink feather boa, and a vial of pink liquid.  The pink liquid turned out to be displacer beast pheromones.

I figured, “Why not?”  After all, I’d already had one character defile a Beholder this week, why not add a Displacer Beast to the list?  I donned the pink feather boa, poured displacer beast juice all over myself, and used my wild shape to turn into a displacer beast.

Everyone started laughing, which clearly meant I’d done something either horribly wrong or horribly AWESOME.   A male displacer beast jumped me and started to… well, you can figure that out.  I promptly began making cat mating noises (BRRRRRRROWWWWWWW!!!) – because as we all know, displacer beasts are cats! – and it was totally awesome.

That game was probably the best D&D game ever, and we barely even rolled dice.  It was all about the roleplaying.  There were several moments that brought me to tears, I was laughing so hard.  (Most of those were due to Bartoneus’ character.)  Seriously, you should have been there.

Ultimate Dungeon Delve

I was SO BUMMED that we couldn’t fit the Ultimate Dungeon Delve into our schedule this year.  We beat the one at Origins and were hoping to beat the new adventure at GenCon, but the scheduling just didn’t work out.   Don’t worry, UDD!  We let you live this time, but we’ll be back… we’ll be back!

How about you?

What fun games did you play at GenCon 2009?

Phil has been running the RPG blog, Musings of the Chatty DM, for a little over one year.   e caught up with him and asked him some questions that are certainly on the minds and hearts of everyone.   Okay, maybe not, but she’s sure they’re burning questions in her mind!

e:   When did you first start playing D&D?

I was 9 years old, way back in 1982

e:   Do you play any other RPGs?

I play (as a PC) in a monthly game of Monte Cook‘s World of Darkness. I play a Demon jerk with a superiority complex that’s completely clueless about human society. My friends tell me that this is not much of a stretch for me in terms of role playing.

e:   Describe yourself as if you were an NPC in one of your campaigns.

Enthusiastic, overconfident chatty extrovert, given to taking too many projects at the same time.

e:   Bad Horse is the Thoroughbred of Sin. Who is the Chatty DM?

The Evil Overlord of Crunch (and a closet Fluff aficionado)

e:   What is the status of your application for the Evil League of Evil?

They received it and are watching me. I’m expecting news any day now.

e:   Dice - share or don’t share?

Share… I have so many as I buy a new set whenever I start a new Campaign.

e:   Rolling behind the screen – lie or don’t lie?

I don’t use the screen. However, monsters are known to become more fragile as a fight turns against players.

e:   Do you kill PCs often? (Or do they kill themselves?)

About one character death per year. I expect more with 4e as we learn the system.

e:   If you could have a superpower, what would it be?

Slow time so I could do more in a given day.

e:   What’s your favorite color of dragon and why?

Bronze… I always liked the Metallic dragons and I mourn that the Bronze won’t be in 4e. With the core 4e dragons, I’d say the Green Dragon is the coolest.

e:   I hear tell that your regular game is played 80/20 French/English. Can you perhaps give us an example of one of these fantastical linguistic creations?

That would be lost in translation. We mostly speak French but all action, spells, items and such are in English.

Like:

Je prend mon wand of Fireballs et je l’active pour frapper les six Dire Wolves.

e:   What type of player do you enjoy DMing for the most? The least?

I really like Butt Kickers mixed with storytellers but my group has varied tastes and it works fine. I don’t like outliers/instigator players all that much. I keep a good pace and I’m not fond of door kickers and people who take decision without at least telling the rest of the group a bit in advance.

e:   What food is a staple for your gaming group?

Meals: Pizza, Szechuan, Lebanese and Chicken in a Box.

Snacks: Chips

Drinks: Iced Tea, Beer, Wine and Power Drinks

e:   Which makes for a more fun time at the gaming table – excessive booze or excessive caffeine?

Neither. Both tend to crash games.

e:   Since you lost to Yax in the ENnies competition, what are your current plans for world domination?

The World is in Chaos, and I need to rule it.

Who says that I didn’t lose on purpose and that it’s all part of THE PLAN ™.

e:   What’s with the minions thing?

Well, every Overlord needs his minions to help him take over the world.

Seriously though, it’s was a branding experiment in the early days of the blog that I hoped people would find more funny than insulting. I’m not using it actively anymore except to rile overly sensitive blogger minions about it.

BTW, you’re up for your 360 evaluation in 2 weeks.

e:   You throw around the word “trope” a lot as if everybody knows what it means. Please, indulge the ignorant and give us a definition.

A trope is a story figure of speech, a shortcut that authors use in traditional fiction to convey a message, an emotion without spelling it all out. Like that large breasted girl that suggest that the group splits up to investigate something in a Horror movie… everyone knows she’ll get killed. That’s a Trope.

Tropes are part gimmick, part audience expectations. Used too often, they become clichés.

Tropes are used by everyone, even RPG adventure writers. Adventures are like stories. Learning about tropes makes writing effective, fun adventures easier.

e:   What’s the hardest thing about being a DM?

Fighting procrastination before each game session to prepare a game that is tailored to the tastes of all players. It’s so easy to convince myself that the published adventure I have is fine as is and then start World of Warcraft.

e:   Coke or Pepsi?

Either, as long as it’s Diet… I even drink the Store Brand sludge when it’s on special.

e:   Crunch or Fluff?

I look at Crunch First. It needs to fit my needs and my game style. Then, if I like it I see how the fluff is built around the crunch and make my decision on adopting the system or nut.

e:   Peanut butter and ______ sandwich.

bananas/honey

e:   If you had a theme song, what would it be?

Definitively Knights of Cydonnia by Muse, coolest song ever!

e:   What advice do you have for people who want to learn how to DM?

Join a group, observe the DM for a few sessions, read the 4th Edition Dungeon Master Guide and read GM-tips website like Martin Ralya’s Treasure Tables, Gnome Stew and of course, Musings of the Chatty DM.

e:   What’s your favorite mini?

Kermit the horny Green Slaad

e:   Favorite RPG writer(s)?

Mike Mearls and Monte Cook, I wish I could design like they do.

e:   Favorite monster?

Evil Outsiders. I love playing Demons and Devils!

e:   What’s your opinion on gnomes getting yoinked from the PHB?

No opinion, they’ll be back in the PHB II… Ask me what I think of multiple PHBs instead.

e:   When you actually get to PLAY 4e, what character will you play?

Most likely a Halfling cleric of Cheerfulness

e:   If there was no D&D, what RPG would you be playing/GMing?

Probably Savage Worlds or a variant thereof.

e:   What’s the funniest (PG-13) dating mishap you’ve ever had?

I was 16 and somehow found myself with a 20 year old girlfriend. On our first date that my parent were away from the house she bough a 5$ bottle of sparkling wine and decided to show me how it was done. Best 7 seconds of my life!!!

e:   You’re a married geek. What’s your #1 motto to live by for getting and keeping the girl of your dreams?

Listen to her, make her feel special, indulge in /respect her geekiness as she does with you.

e:   What does your wife think of your geekiness? Is there a line you must not cross?

She’s a geek too. All’s fine as long as I don’t indulge in my hobbies on a Saturday afternooon while the whole family is available.

e:   Bacon or Canadian bacon?

Guess

e:   Tell us why Canada is the best place to live. I mean, snow, ice, freezing temperatures… what are the upsides?

Canadian Bacon, Free Healthcare, Canadian Bacon, Girls needing bodily warmth, Canadian Bacon, Poutine, Canadian Bacon, My wife, Canadian bacon

e:   So I’m really bummed that I won’t be going to GenCon. Please fill my readers in on the things you’ll be doing there without me:

Yeah, I really overbooked myself!

I’ll be DMing 4 Sessions for the Paizo Pathfinder Society as well as being the Table DM for a Major Drow house in the Ascension of the Drow 126 player mega adventure.

I’ll host a Drunken D&D 4e game with fellow RPG blogger (It’s a D&D drinking game with an adventure I wrote expressly for it).

I’ll co-host a GM-Fu seminar about Adventure Prep.

I’ll be part of a RPGblogger panel with our buddies.

I’ll play in a crazy D&D 4e game called ‘Out of the Box‘ hosted by the Stupid Ranger crew.

Thanks for playing e’s interviews, Phil!!

D&D Related

• Dante at StupidRanger reviews the 4e Dungeon Master’s Guide.
• Shelly Mazzanoble of Wizards of the Coast (and Confessions of a Part-Time Sorceress fame) is a Dungeon Master.  May the gods help us all.
• John at Gnome Stew had a totally awesome post entitled: What Dr. Horrible’s Sing Along Blog Can Teach You About GMing.
• Dave at Critical Hits would like some tips from GenCon veterans about True Dungeon.  (Note to my GeekBoy – you’d better get over there and comment, dear!)
• Happy blogiversary to Yax and Expy of DungeonMastering.  By the way, YOU (yes, you!) should be sure you’ve voted for DungeonMastering in the ENnies!  When you’re done, check out Things You Ought To Know About Your DM.  (My advice – know his favorite cookie variety and bring them!)
• Propagandroid at The Gamer Dome is working on an index to the 4e PHB, since the existing one, well… sucks.

General Geekery

• Felicia Day of The Guild and Dr. Horrible fame was interviewed at ComicCon by Mahalo Daily.  She’s going to be on an episode of House!  I’m so excited.  Now, if we can just get her on an episode of Big Bang Theory, my life would be complete.
• GeekNews (and GDG Commenter Alan!) pointed out a great tool to see your website as colorblind people do.
• GeekSugar had the neatest little thing – The Hang On Outlet.  It holds the plugs of things you don’t want plugged in, but also don’t want dangling around everywhere.
• Geekologie presents: Geeky Stained Glass and 25 Gesture Rock-Paper-Scissors.   Warning:  The latter will cause you to kill way too much time.
• Get fit and get a piece of Internet History!  Hawty McBloggy points the way to get a Wii Fit that is signed by the Wii Fit Girl!!  Get it now on ebay – before August 1st!
• Phil at ChattyDM just finished a four part series on RPG Blogging.   Trask at Living Dice was nice enough to tack on a 5th installment about SEO.

That’s it for the feedin’ this week!  Hope you’re full of geeky goodness!

D&D Related

• As you all know, updates to 4th edition are already posted on the WotC site.
• LivingDice linked to a cool kit you can use to make plastic-coated power cards.
• Phil at ChattyDM wants to know what your gaming group eats.  Yum!
• I posted this earlier this week, but please check out these neat dynamic character sheets for 4e.
• Yax at DungeonMastering made his first video post!  Lookit that face!  Oh, yeah, the video is about why you should switch to 4e.

General Geekery

• GeeksAreSexy had a link to a cool site where you can argue for/against anything via video.  The challenge?  You only have 12 seconds to do it.   Oh, and what’s your geek quotient?
• Allison at BingeGamer asks the question, “What does Nintendo think of girl gamers?“
• GeekNews had a link to the cutest knitted d4 dice bag.  I’ll stick to my dice penguin, tho.
• Speaking of knitting, Geekologie found these adorable knitted versions of Link, Jack Sparrow, Indiana Jones, and more!
• Here’s your moment of cute: Baby Batman from Neatorama.
• I love urban art projects.  Here’s one in Geekologie called IT Everywhere.
• Hawty McBloggy tipped me off to an awesome site where you can buy Guitar Hero-style shirts, but with just about any instrument from viola to sitar.  I soooo want a viola hero shirt!

That’s all, geek friends!  Hope you enjoyed these tasty treats!

D&D Related

• Happy 100th PostDay to GnomeStew!  This blog is really excellent, so if you’re not subscribed to their feed, you are a total loser.  For a taste of the awesome, read about how NPCs are filthy liars.
• The more of Dante of StupidRanger‘s posts I read, the more I realize that he is The Man!  Check out Better Character Development Courtesy of Bruce Willis.  Don’t forget to go to the Stupid Ranger crew’s GenCon events and cheer on StupidRanger as she competes for Queen of the Geeks!
• After reading this post by Dave of Critical Hits, I’m very sad I won’t be at GenCon to take advantage of drunk RPG bloggers.   Then I read this one and realized that I will probably never be awesome enough to DM. Too much pressure!!
• Congrats to Yax at DungeonMastering for being nominated for an Ennie!  Sadly, I will never be uber 1337 enough to get an Ennie, unless my profile writing services get hundreds of geek boys into the arms of geek girls… in which case, maybe I do deserve an award of some sort!
• Chris Sims at Wizards of the Coast gives some insight into the Ecology of the Dragonborn.  Am I the only one who has no desire to play a dragonborn or tiefling?
• The Propagandroid at The Gamer Dome got his hands on a bunch of Against the Giants minis.  Check out his review.
• Phil at Chatty DM asks: What’s your dice fetish? Mine is penguins.

Random Geekery

• A hilarious post at LivingDice about a Gamer’s Pre-Nup.  I thank the various gods that when I marry, it’ll be to a gamer, so we won’t have to worry much about that!
• Hawty McBloggy always finds the best stuff.  Check out the Wii Fit Boy, but warning, it’s YouTube safe but potentially NSFW.   If you require eye cleansing after seeing it, just search YouTube for WiiFit Girl videos and you’ll be all set.  Oh, and why play Guitar Hero when you can play Saxophone Hero?  (They really should make Big Band Hero with sax, trumpet, bass…)
• Geekologie offers a new way to accessorize for a dinner party.
• This XKCD comic totally reminded me of my jetlag problem.
• Courtesy of Neatorama:  The new iPhone? Yep, it blends!  (Warning: Video will make Mac fans very squeamish.)  Maybe you’d rather have a cursed iPhone with a burning hot screen? (Courtesy of Geekologie.)
• Shamus of TwentySided examines the World of Warcraft.  Then OMG!SHOCKING!, receives backlash from diehard WoWCrack addicts.  (BTW, Shamus, I totally agree with all your gripes.  I never did understand eye-less Murlocs or headless boars.)

But let’s start today’s Feed Faves with a little ditty I got from a friend that is… disturbing and funny.

D&D Related

• Patrick of Gnome Stew and Yax of DungeonMastering share their thoughts on GM = General Manager.
• A post in which Yax gives the new 4e adventure an overall rating of… *drumroll* 3.5.  Irony?
• At ChattyDM, Phil has reviewed the 4e PHB and DMG.  He’s a busy boy!
• Looking for cheap minis?  Martin at Gnome Stew has the hookup.
• Want to win cool D&D prizes?  Enter the One Sentence NPC contest at ChattyDM!  It ends on 7/13.
• Dragon Avenue is super cool for pointing the way to cool 4e artwork wallpaper.  I now have a red dragon. Woot!
• Walt of Gnome Stew asks if it’s reasonable for a GM to collect money from players to purchase supplies for the game.  (As a teacher who has bought a lot of things for her classroom out of pocket, my answer is YES.)
• Stupid Ranger is very angry about WotC messing with the elf gods in 4e.  I don’t blame her.  I mean, they’re GODS.  You can’t mess with the gods.  That’s just blasphemy!

General Geekery

• Shamus of TwentySided and Phil of ChattyDM have started playing WoW on the Kirin Tor server and I am giving serious consideration to firing up my WoW account again.  I’ll probably leave my 65 rogue on my old server and roll a new one, possibly with my GeekBoy.  Do I really want to get back on the WarCrack?
• Geekologie did a little write-up on Paper Shampoo, which is exactly the same type of product I used for my laundry detergent while on my Europe trip.   Bonus?  It was more than enough to do laundry in every city we visited and still have plenty to spare.  Also, it’s not a liquid (no TSA troubles!), weighs next to nothing, and is smaller than a Zippo.
• JW of BingeGamer wants to move to Canada (who doesn’t?) because apparently one in five Canadians plays their video games in the nude. (Semi NSFW picture.)
• Great Moments in History Told by Etch-A-Sketch.  Nuff said.  Thanks, Neatorama.
• Geeks are Sexy links you to Star Wars USB hubs.  Because you’ve always wanted your stuff powered by the Force.
• and finally… if you didn’t get to go to Origins, don’t fret.  Dave of Critical Hits will give you the scoop.

That’s all the feed that’s good to eat!  Nom nom nom.