And he’s not alone. According to the American College of Allergy, Asthma, and Immunology, 1 out of 10 people is allergic to animals. The number could be as high as 30% in people with asthma.

While some folks have mild allergies and could co-habitate with a furry creature provided there was adequate ventilation and frequent vacuuming, not everyone is so lucky.

We did a poll last year, asking folks if they would give up their pets for a significant other. While the majority of folks said, “Hell no!” there were many other people who saw the issue in shades of gray (or perhaps tabby stripes?).

What I Want From Dating Sites

I’d like to see dating sites expand their options in the profiles and custom search to account for people with severe allergies.

Currently, most sites have these options:

• Have
• Don’t have, but like
• No answer / No opinion

Why not add to the list?

• Have, but it’s not mine.  (For folks with roommates with pets.)
• I have mild allergies.
• I have severe allergies.

It’s not a lot of work, code-wise, to add in a few options to an existing framework, and it would greatly help those people who are searching for that special someone who isn’t covered in cat hair or dog slobber.

How About You?

Would you like to see options for pet allergies on your dating site?

Does your dating site have these options? (Please let us know!)

Have you run into some crazy catladies on your dating site?

Have your allergies (or a date’s allergies) affected your dating life?

Here’s a little bit about what they might be thinking…

First, it’s important to remember that body type is totally subjective.  Wii Fit might tell a girl that her weight is normal, but Howard Stern might say she’s overweight, because his standards are very narrow.  E describes this problem in one of her National Examiner posts.

E mentions in her post that women from the UK proudly call themselves curvy when they’re quite small.  (Curvy there is more of a reference to breast size than weight.) I had a similar experience; where I grew up, there were many girls from Puerto Rico and the Dominican Republic, and the word “curvy” was thrown around a lot, referring to shape, not weight.  Even today, culture plays a role in definition.

Historically, as in, say, the last 100 years, the term “curvy” typically meant one who was noticeably hourglass-shaped, or maybe just a girl who was genetically blessed in the, ah, bust area.  You could weigh 100 lbs and be five-foot-two, and be curvy.  You could also be five-foot-ten and curvy – it was the proportions that counted, not the weight.  If you were simply overweight, you might use a word like “plump” or “round.”

In the past few years, curvy has seemed to become synonymous with overweight.  Personally, I think it just goes right along with the glorification of stick-thin women like Nicole Richie – it’s not enough to be healthy and thin, but any curves are now associated with fat, and must be eradicated.  I recently read that Scarlett Johansson was attempting to lose all extra weight, and work with Gwenyth Paltrow’s trainer.  I think most guys would agree that Scarlett is fine the way she is, curves and all.

Many women,  overweight or not,  think “curvy” is the best description of themselves.  When you’re narrowing your search parameters, it’s important to remember that body type deals not only with your subjectivity, but hers.  If they have slightly low self-esteem or are self-conscious, a girl might think she has “a few extra pounds,” when anyone looking at her might say she’s average, or even slender (maybe she used to weigh 100, put on some weight, and is now 120).

It’s great do a custom search, but it’s also important to really branch out and see what’s out there.  It would be a shame to miss out on an awesome match simply because the two of you weren’t on the same page in descriptive terms.

Besides, is body type really the most important qualifier when you’re looking for love?

We at GDG and Online Dating Profiler are equal opportunity providers and believe that everyone deserves love.   I trust that my usual crowd will be respectful, but please know that I will delete any comments from this post that stir up drama between the faiths.

So what is your friendly neighborhood Atheist, Agnostic, Buddhist, Pagan, Wiccan, or (insert your flavor here) to do when looking for a compatible mate online?

Custom Searches Are Your Best Friend

Skip the usual search functionality and set up your own Custom Searches.  I have a detailed series on Match.com’s custom searches, but most sites will let you do something similar.

Make a custom search for people who fit your religious beliefs as well as any other major qualities (age, distance, etc).   Sometimes the “mutual match” features will show people who are not your religious match just because they match you in other areas.   This is why custom searches are key.

What To Do If Your Matches Are Few

• Expand your search radius.

If there aren’t enough Buddhists in your hometown, stretch your search out by 20-50 miles and see if that picks up more hits.

• Loosen up your other requirements.

Sure, you might not think you’d be interested in someone so young/old, but you might get lucky and find someone really mature/young for her age!  Rob the cradle (legally!) or get yourself a cougar.  You might like it.

• Look for open-minded Christians.

There are plenty of people in the world who are Christian and open-minded about other religions.   Don’t be afraid to email someone just because they list “Christian” as their religion.   They may just be the cool open-minded variety.   If she emails back with the fire and brimstone and tries to save your soul, just click block and move on.  No biggie.

• Seek other religious minorities.

You can have thought-provoking conversations about the nature of the universe and be happy agreeing to disagree.   It might not be your ideal, but who knows, you just might like it!

An’ It Harm None… Do What Ye Will

Be respectful and kind to the people of the online dating world.  We are all just searching for that perfection that is Love.  That’s the same no matter what name you call God.

Happy dating, Geek Friends.

This post will delve into the details of a dreamgirl search:

• Why you NEED to have one.
• What kind of results to expect.
• What to write in that crucial first contact email and why romance should be the FURTHEST thing from your mind.

Setting Up the Dreamgirl Search

In a dreamgirl search, you get VERY picky and design the perfect woman from scratch.

Now is NOT the time to feel bad about crushing anyone’s feelings.   Lots of people claim, “I don’t have a type.”   Close your eyes and imagine a woman that is perfect in every way.    That’s your type.  It’s okay.  Nobody is going to know the details of your search but you.

Admit it – if you were to design a woman from scratch, there are features about her and her lifestyle that you’d be sure to include.

It doesn’t make you racist or size-ist or anti-(insert religion here).  It’s just a fantasy and we roleplaying geeks can attest that a little fantasy never hurt anyone.

Check out the original Dreamgirl Search article for the details walking you through the creation of this VITAL search.

Why You Need A Dreamgirl Search

Do you get frustrated reading profile after profile after profile and being flat out UNINTERESTED in the girls you find?

Sure, they’re pretty and nice and smart… but… something’s missing.

Even if you never act on your dreamgirl search results because you’re uninterested in a long-distance relationship, isn’t it comforting to know that there are girls out there that fit EVERYTHING you could want?

Worst case scenario?  You make a couple pen pals with similar interests and compatible personalities.   Not too shabby.

Expect Results… But Not Tons

When you get REALLY specific about what you want, you will end up with significantly fewer results.  My dreamboy search yielded me 6 results across the country.

If your search gives you ZERO results, be patient.   Your dreamgirl may not have a profile yet.

Your other option is to widen a category or two.   Find your most narrow requirement and stretch it a bit.

“But E, I’m Not Interested in a Long-Distance Relationship!”

It’s true – your dreamgirl may live in another state.  But that doesn’t necessarily mean you will have a long-distance relationship.   A friend of mine met her husband through a similar type search.   It turned out, his job only required him to live near an airport.   They dated long distance for a year and he moved to be with her!

My Geek Boy and I recently celebrated a year together.  He’s working on finding a job in the Charlotte area (anyone need a Java developer?) and will soon be living here!   It’s very exciting to think that a tiny chance I took on a “dreamboy” search would result in such a great relationship.

“What Do I Write Her?”

Obviously, most girls are not going to expect to hear from someone halfway across the country.  In fact, her first thought might be, “Is this guy so desperate that he’s emailing every girl in the USA?”

The first contact email is so important for this type of match.

Here’s what I suggest:

Just for fun, I put together a search with all the qualifications at “dream girl” level and searched the country to see what I could find.  I found you.

Now, I know you live in ____ and I’m here in ______, but I figure that if you match me on so many levels, we’d at least make great penpals.

(Insert your usual first email stuff here about her interests and things you’d like to talk to her about.)

Is the first paragraph a bit scary?  It sure is!  But the second paragraph tempers it perfectly.   You’re not some weirdo stalker looking for someone who fits your serial killer victim profile.   You’re a guy who knows what type of woman he gets along with and you’re cool with a relationship that’s as low-pressure as penpals.

Does This Actually Work?

It’s actually worked for me and my friend.   I’m sure there are others out there with similar stories.

Think of it in terms of what you have to lose:

• Time creating a dreamgirl search
• Time emailing a few people

And what you could gain:

• Some awesome penpals from around the country.
• The love of your life!

Need help setting up your dreamgirl search?  Geek’s Dream Girl offers help with custom searches to our Silver and Gold package clients!  Get yours now!

To protect Sid’s privacy, I will not reveal his location.   Let’s just say he lives in the southeast quadrant of the United States.

For those geographically challenged, a map is provided.  (I’m so good to you!)

Sid’s looking for a girl between 25-35 who lives within 200 miles of his ZIP code.  I’m going to start local (30 mile radius) and if need be, branch out from there.

Geekette #1

She loves to read, write, and watch documentaries (at least when she’s not watching Family Guy or The Office).  She admits to having a smartass side – but only in jest!   My favorite line – “I’m a southern girl with a southern accent, but rest assured that I have all of my teeth, I’m educated, and I don’t go to family reunions looking for a date.“

Email Starter: Ask her what her favorite Family Guy quote is… and share yours (if you’re a fan!).

Geekette #2

She plays board games and admits it as a hobby – we all know that’s just a gateway drug to RPGs!   She also loves sci-fi TV shows and all sorts of movies – so she and Sid would have plenty of small talk topics.

Email Starter: What’s her favorite board game?  Do you have any crazy board game stories about grandma throwing the monopoly money across the table in a fit of rage after having to pay rent for your 8 hotels on Boardwalk?

Geekette #3

I love this girl!  Smart is sexy, she says.  (So true!)  She belongs to a book club, loves the outdoors, has cooking adventures making dishes with names she can’t pronounce.  She’s entertaining the idea of going back to get her Masters, which is a perfect conversation starter, since Sid would like to go back to school too.  I REALLY like this girl.

Email Starter: Tell her about your favorite dish with a foreign, unpronounceable name.

…Sid’s town is a bit away from the nearest big city… so I’m extending the search to 60 miles out from his ZIP.

Geekette #4

Are you laid back and ready to giggle?  Her profile is a breath of fresh air.   This girl embraces her inner nerd, plays board games, and wins belching contests.  Totally cool.  Did I mention she’s working on her PhD?  Sid already has bonus points with her because he reads books for fun!

Email Starter: If you have a belching story, this is the girl to share it with!  Definitely mention you’re a bookworm, she’ll appreciate that!

Geekette #5

This girl says the goofier the guy, the better.  Make her laugh and she’s yours.  She’s a “word nerd” and loves reading biographies and historical fiction.   This is not her default picture – but I like it better than the default one, which is much more official (maybe a work photo?).  I can guarantee you this is the kind of girl that guys either a) send stupid messages to (aka: “U R hot!”) or b) don’t message because “she’s too perfect, she’d never go for me.”

Email Starter: Send her an email that makes her laugh and shows your smarts!

Geekette #6

She’s in the middle of three books, wants an excuse to go back to college, and loves nerdy/geeky humor.  She can teach you how to roller skate!  She owns her own business and can think of nothing better than spending an evening with you on the couch discussing books or movies.  Sounds dreamy!

Email Starter: Ask her why she chooses to roller SKATE when the trend now is to roller BLADE.  Is it a retro thing or a balance thing?  (I actually had a really hard time rollerblading because my ankles are weak! They got better the more I practiced, but I was pretty pathetic the first few times on blades.)

So Sid…

Email me if any of these ladies interest you and I will pass on their usernames so you can see their profiles and more pictures!

Want GDG to help you find your Geek Girl?

Check the Services page for more details!  If you get the Silver or Gold package, I can help you find the right girls and write them the right emails!

Now that you have all these wonderful searches set up, how on earth do you go about using them to check out the possibilities?

Do you need to spend hours online?

How can you see who is new to you?

Using your time wisely is the best way to go, and here’s how:

Step One:  Navigate the Front Page

You log into match.com’s front page.  Of course, there isn’t a handy drop-down menu of your saved searches (anymore).  That was just far too useful and is gone now.  You’ll have to look on the right side for this box:

Click on “Saved searches.”

Step Two:  Hey, This Looks Familiar!

Here are all of your searches you set up!

Click your Dream Girl Search first.

Step Three: How Do You Want to View ‘Em?

You have a couple choices as far as how you’d like to see people.   The drop down menu for choices is on the right.  Gallery View shows just the photos and lets you make snap judgments:

And Details View lets you view the first few lines of the profile and decide if you’d like to read more from there:

Step Four:  Sorting ‘Em Out!

Right underneath the view button is a drop down menu of sorting options:

If you’re starting from scratch: Select “Username” and start at A.   Alternatively, select “Age” and work from youngest in your age range to oldest (or vice versa).  Tell yourself you’ll read through “x” number of pages of profiles per day.   Don’t overdo it; it’s easy to get burned out reading and after a while, they’ll all sound the same.

If you’ve been around for a while: Search by “Newest First”.   This will put the newest profiles at the top so you can keep an eye on who the new folks in town are.  If you check these daily, you can be the first guy to email a new member and maybe her first (and last!) date!

Step Five:  Lather, Rinse, Repeat.

Go back to step 2 and select another search.

If you’ve liked this series…

• Please submit the posts of this series to StumbleUpon, Digg, Reddit, Delicious, or any other social bookmarking sites.
• Link your friends here!  The more, the merrier!
• Join the party by getting your Geek’s Dream GIrl updates by RSS or email!

Another search function that can be useful is the Keyword Search.   These are especially useful if you have a specific interest that you hope to share with your geek girl.

They will only filter by gender, age, location and keyword.  It will be your responsibility to sift through the profiles to be sure the girl who loves your favorite local band is also a non-smoking vegetarian Libertarian.   (Or not!)

Step One:  Click Search, then Keyword

Don’t use the keyword box at the bottom of the page.  Use the little text link at the top.  See it up there next to Custom?

Step Two:  Fill it In!

Here’s the screen you’ll see when you get to the Keyword Search:

Set your gender preference and age range first.

Then, pick your first keyword.  Go with something specific.  You want a girl who is into geology?  MMORPGs? Volunteering?  Cappuccino?  Tolstoy?

Step Three: Location, Location, Location

Consider how far you’d be willing to drive to be with someone you’d be dating.  Remember, you’d want to see this person a lot if things were going well!

Step Four:  Don’t Forget To Save

The most important thing is to save this search so you can go back and use it later.  Remember to save each keyword as a different search.

You can select to have match.com email you if a match to this search comes up.  That’s up to you.

In the next and last post of the series…

“I’ve got all these searches set up, now what do I do?“

Now, let’s back up to something a bit more realistic.   Your Dream Girl Search will probably come up with very few results (at least locally), so you need a realistic search that will be your core search.

It’s about dealbreakers… here we go…

Step One:  Click Search, Scroll Down

Scroll down until you see the following box:

Click “Edit your saved searches.”   You’ll see the following screen:

Well, not EXACTLY that screen.  Here’s a peek into my life, folks.   Some of these saved searches were mine, some are for the biz.   (Yes, I did have a redheads search.  I’d be ashamed, but I am aware I have a problem and have accepted it!)

Find your Dream Girl Search and click Edit.

Step Two:  Whittle Her Down

In your Dream Girl Search, you made the perfect woman.   However, I’m sure there are things that are not total dealbreakers.   Let’s find those and decide what a great, realistic match would be.

Basics:

• Height is a negotiable for most folks!  You may love shorties, but your dream girl may be a basketball player…
• Body type can wiggle a bit in either direction, too.  Remember, most girls don’t accurately describe themselves.  We’re either too lenient or too harsh.
• Marital Status – maybe your perfect person is Never Married, but you’d consider someone who is Divorced or Widowed.
• Uncheck the turn-on/turn-offs.
• Unless you have a serious barf moment over certain colored eyes or hair, check “Any”.

Lifestyle:

• If exercise is very important to you, leave it as is.  Otherwise, consider wiggle room.
• Same for her daily diet.
• If you’d consider a smoker (particularly if they were serious about quitting), or a different style of drinker, tweak these.
• Unless you have major beefs with certain careers, check “Any.”
• Income is a touchy subject.  If you demand a woman who has a decent income, check accordingly.
• Living arrangements can be interesting – maybe you say “I don’t want a woman who lives with her parents.”  But what if she lives with her parents as their caretaker?
• Kids and pets can be dealbreakers for some people but not for others.   For example, if she had a child that lives full time with his father, would that be okay?

Background/Values:

• What races would you consider dating?
• Sure, you’re Presbyterian.  Would you consider dating a Catholic?
• School of life?  Grad School?  Does it matter that much?
• Languages can go back to “Any.”  (If they’re on match.com, they speak enough English!)
• Would you consider someone with different political beliefs?

Step Three: About Location

Consider how far you’d be willing to drive to be with someone you’d be dating.  Remember, you’d want to see this person a lot if things were going well!

Step Four:  Don’t Forget To Save

The most important thing is to save this search so you can go back and use it later.

You can select to have match.com email you if a match to this search comes up.  That’s up to you.

In the next post…

Keyword searches… worth it?  Maybe.

Veteran fans of the blog know that I met my Geek Boy / Code Monkey / Redhead Dreamboy / Love! through match.com’s Custom Search feature.

Because I couldn’t find any decent singles in my town that even came remotely close to dreamboy status, I decided to spread my wings and search the entire country.  Crazy?  Maybe.  But it worked, and you can’t question that!

Here’s how to set up your own Dream Girl search…

Step One:  Find the Tiny Link to Custom Search

Look for it… look for it…

Oh, there it is!  It’s in tiny font at the top.  Go on, click that.  Amazing how they hide it, isn’t it?  They wouldn’t want you easily finding the BEST way to search profiles!

Step Two:  Build the Perfect Woman

Here’s the screen you’ll see when you get to Custom Search:

Go on, go hot wild.  Your first custom search is your wildest dream search.   Build the perfect woman.

Basics:

• How tall is she?
• What type of body does she have?
• Is she single, divorced, widowed, separated?
• Unless you’re a firm believer in astrology, skip her sign.  (Besides, sun signs have soooo little to do with personality!)
• What are her turn-ons?  Pick a couple.
• Turn offs?  Again, just one or two.
• If your dream girl has particular eyes or hair, select those.

Lifestyle:

• What are her exercise habits?  Gym bunny?  Couch potato?
• What kind of diet does she have?
• Is she a smoker or drinker?
• Does she work in a particular industry? (Think backwards too… are there certain professions that you wouldn’t date – aka “I’d never date a lawyer..” or “No more eternal students!”)
• Should she have a particular yearly income?
• Who does she live with?
• Does she have kids or pets?

Background/Values:

• Are you attracted to a particular ethnicity?  (…and burning question, does this make you racist?)
• Should your match share your faith?
• Where did her education end?  High School? Grad School?
• Does she speak any languages other than English?
• What is her political bent?

Once you’ve gotten it all in there, don’t look back!  Don’t second guess!  Don’t say… “Oh gee, maybe I’m being TOO picky.”  This search is your fun search.

Step Three: About Location

Trust me on this one.  Set the search radius for your dreamgirl to the entire country.

For starters, because you’re being super picky, you probably won’t see many/any in your home area.  If you do, you are extra lucky!

Second – if the full country search pulls up matches, you can find some great penpals that will share your interests.  If that penpal turns into something more, then lucky you!  (It happened to me!)

Step Four:  Don’t Forget To Save

The most important thing is to save this search so you can go back and use it later.

You can select to have match.com email you if a match to this search comes up.  That’s up to you.

In the next post…

How to take that dreamgirl and whittle her down to something more realistic and local.

It’s a great day, because I’m going to give you my top secret (OMG!) methods of setting up searches for maximum results.   I’m even going to do this for free, though if you’re lazy or too busy, you can hire me to make your searches for you!

Are you ready to find YOUR geek girl?

Let’s go!

First Thing’s First… Click Search.  Then Ignore The Big Stuff

Match.com gets your money by setting you up with three next-to-useless searches.  Check out what you see when you click Search:

You don’t want to bother with Mutual Matches, Reverse Matches, or Quick Search:

Mutual Matches: Matches your data with the data of other people and ranks them from 100% match on down.  The problem?  It doesn’t prioritize.  You may have a dealbreaker where you don’t date smokers.  Your Mutual Matches will show smokers if the rest of their profile matches yours favorably.

Reverse Matches: Shows you a list of people who are searching for someone like you using their About My Date data.   This one is for amusement purposes only.  My favorite thing to do with Reverse Match?  I sort by age and laugh at the youngins and dirty old men.

Quick Search: Bottom of the barrel!!  Your only choices are gender, age, and distance from your ZIP.  I’m sure you’re pickier than that.  In fact, I certainly HOPE you are!

In the next post…

Setting up your “dream girl” search using Custom Search.