I am retarded when it comes to anything involving tools, electricity or mechanics.  (Probably a few other things too.  Friends should avoid posting comments elaborating on this list if they wish to live.)  My toolkit is a “ladies” toolkit I got from Target for ten bucks.  It has a dainty ladies sized hammer and other random tools.  (Go ahead and laugh.  It’s okay.)

So yesterday, e thinks, “I will hook up my washer and dryer!”

24 hours later, hilarity is still ensuing.

I hook up the washer hoses.  Turn on the water.  Turn on the washer.  Ok, it’s filling and it’s not exploding.  Cool.  But then I decide, well crap, if it’s filling up, I should really put clothes in it and use the water instead of wasting it.

So I grab my dirty clothes and throw them into the washer.

Then I decide, hmmm, I should put it on large instead of medium load.   This was all fine and good until the washer started to agitate and water came spilling out from an unknown source.  Eek!  Unplug the washer!

I sleep on it (and my laundry sleeps, in the water, in the washer, which I now can’t move to see behind it because it’s full of water).  After much talking with people, it is decided that I should at least attempt to spin and drain the washer.

I manage to pull the dryer out far enough to squeeze back there and watch the washer as it drains.  It’s not leaking.  Mysterious.   So I think, ok, FOR SCIENCE! I must try to do another load of laundry but perhaps leave it on Medium size.  What do you know? It doesn’t leak.

So then I’m thinking, I need to hook up my dryer so I can have dry clothes.  I battle with the silver serpent.  The directions just say “attach to dryer and clamp”.  It does not elaborate on how to use the clamp.   The clamp is a circle with horns.  I am confused.  So I pull it open, which of course, makes it useless because it no longer clamps.  Witness e for a half hour trying to squeeze circle back to original form with her spectacularly weak upper body muscles.

I finally manage to get the clamp together again (and learn how to use it correctly – thanks, Tim!).  The directions say to cut the tube to the appropriate length.  All I have are scissors, which are fine for the foil-y part, but not so fine for the wire part.  Fantastic.   I decide why not just strip part of the foil-y part off and then use the remaining tube and hook it up with the extra tube just dangling in the breeze.  (Yes, I am aware there is no breeze in my laundry room.)

I battle with the clamps and the silver serpent and finally get it all hooked up and pushed back into position.  I grab the power cord, triumphant.  I will have dry clothes!

Why doesn’t the plug fit in the socket?

Arg!!  I find out that apparently sometimes there are three prong plugs/sockets and sometimes four.  I have a three prong plug and a four prong socket.  Super.  I find out that Home Depot has the part I need and it is “easy” to switch out.

Off to Home Depot I go, where I find the 4 prong dryer cord kit (and a nice lamp – why is it that all apartments have one DARK room?).  I bring it home, unpack it, and jump behind the dryer, determined that for once and for all I will have dry clothes.

But… what’s this?  I can’t get into the back of the dryer with a screwdriver?  I need a socket wrench?

I DON’T HAVE A SOCKET WRENCH!!

e is still waiting for dry clothes.  If you are in the Charlotte area and have a socket wrench, she may consider inviting a total stranger over just so she can resolve this problem.  Otherwise, if you’d like to make e happy, subscribe to her RSS feed or get updates by email. She promises she doesn’t rant very often.