You’ve seen all E’s Minis Seeking Love personals.

Have you ever wondered “Where are they now?”

Here are some success stories, including:

• Hypnotoad & Bulette
• Giant Centipedes
• Xorn & Deathlock
• Ninja & Pirate
• Spider Orgy
• Beholder Menage a Trois
• Hermaphro Human & Hermaphro Halfling
• Four Crossed Swords
• Zombie Kisses

Here are their stories…

A Little Tongue

Toad love giving tongue.  Toad find perfect mate who love receiving tongue.  Toad think bulette is French name.  Toad therefore French kissing.  Toad are smart finding hot French girlfriend.

Giant Centipedes

I finally found a male partner who doesn’t have a backbone.  He has moves that put millipedes to shame.  After he does his little dance I’ll come by to scoop up the goodness and begin creating new little centipede babies.  Yep, the perfect relationship.

Xorn & Deathlock

When I originally posted I was looking for a dental hygienist female to be my undead life partner but I was “swept” off my feet by a lovely xorn who taught me how to dance the samba… and to love.  We’ve been going out dancing every weekend for the past two months and despite my two left feet, her three “right” feet more than makes up for it.  I look forward to our next outing where I’ll be taking her to the local scrap yard.  She apparently loves to eat raw metal… how can you not love someone so unique!

Ninja & Pirate

I can’t get enough of the action and adventure assassinating the enemies of my master.  I needed to bring that kind of adventure into my love life.    The only way I know how is to date my mortal enemy, Pirate Pete.  We are still trying to figure out a way to end the date without ending up the emergency room, but when we do it will be spectacular.

Spider Orgy

It’s spider spring break!!!!   WOOOOO!  That means massive spider orgy time!  So many legs I can’t even figure out which ones are mine.  Big spiders, small spiders, interplanar spiders…it’s all GOOD!  We all have eight legs and know how to have a good time (except for Charlotte…I don’t know what her deal is).   WOOOOOOO!!!!

Beholder Menage a Trois

I know what you’re saying, beholders seeking love…that’s like oil mixing with water.  Well, we get lonely just like everyone else but the problem is everyone else is a bunch of morons.   Heck, we can barely stand other beholders for more than a few minutes before blasting each other.

I think I’ve found the perfect arrangement with two beholders of like mind.  We spend 30 minutes of silence in the same room together doing what beholders do.   We’ve also made a pact that should one of us blast the other the third beholder is duty bound to blast the beholder that started the blasting.  So far our arrangement is working (keeping my eye stalks crossed).

Hermaphrodites Need Love Too!

It’s tough finding love when most of the search engines only allow for male/female searching and won’t include the “both” option.  I was fortunate when I saw the love of my life at a poetic reading of “The Love of Hermes and Aphrodite”.  I am always a sucker for stocky bodies and ample bosoms.    After the reading, I approached and asked if s/he would like to get some wine and talk about the reading.   After a spirited discussion, we realized we had some chemistry and I set up another date for us to see a play called Victor/Victoria.  I’m still trying to figure out if we should eat at the taco stand afterwords or just grab a hot dog from a street vendor.

Double Your Pleasure, Double Your Fun

My twin brother and I do everything together.  So when we went to The Crossed Swords for two fuzzy navels we thought we had double vision when we saw two hunky Norwegians that looked exactly alike.   My brother and I thought we had died and gone to Valhalla.  Well, we went over to say hi and after some drinking (ok…a lot of drinking) and dancing my brother and I knew we had a full on Viking invasion of love going on.  Well, we couldn’t be happier and “Thor” and “Loki” are a regular part of our nightlife now.  Let’s just say they can come and plunder our villages anytime!  Fabulous!!!

Chilly Kisses

*Slurp*…*Slurp*…KISSSSESSS…*Smooch*….*Slurp*….BRAAAAAIIIINNNSS…I MEAN KISSSSESSS…*Smooch*…*Slurp*……

Congratulations, Minis!

We at Geek’s Dream Girl are so happy that you found each other and are happy.   What about you humans?  Do you want love, too?  Get a Geek’s Dream Girl profile service and attract your perfect match!

Deathknell is also the home of the original Beholder.  You know you want it.  I have a trio of beholders and love, love, love them.

Either way, today’s singles:

• Couatl
• Undying Soldier
• Bullywug Thug
• Orc Savage
• Vampire Spawn
• Deathlock
• Renegade Warlock
• Celestial Dire Badger

Let’s check out their profiles!

FeatherKink
Level 9 Couatl
Seeking female couatl, level 1-12

There’s a saying around these parts – using a feather is sexy.  If you wanna be kinky, use the whole Couatl.   You agree?  I have to admit that we’re probably the sexiest creatures in the world – we’re beautifully colored, shiny, tall.  Essentially the perfect race.  Thing is, we’re pretty rare.  Thus I have launched my own dating site – SaveTheCouatls.com.   Let’s make sure all the couatls in the world are breeding so we can take over the world with our hot selves.

DeathlessNotLoveless
Level 4 Undying Soldier
seeking undead females, any level

I’ve been alone for a while.  My last girlfriend left me about a year ago and I’ve just been throwing myself into my career.  All I can say I’ve gotten out of that is this really badass shield.  Supposedly I’m fearless, but I’m really afraid of dying alone.    Let’s go out sometime and have a cup of coffee.

I’ll let you hold my shield.

BouncyBouncer
Level 2 Bullywug Thug
seeking bullywug females, any level

If you recognize me it’s because I’m a bouncer at The Crossed Swords.   Problem is, since it’s a gay bar, everyone assumes I’m gay.  I’m here to say I’m NOT.  I love women.   It’s just that the gay bar pays better.  So you’re probably wondering, why hire a bullywug as a bouncer when there are bigger, scarier races out there?  It’s for the bouncing (get it?).  Other bouncers have to bully their way through the crowd at ground level.  I can leap over them and right on the head of the obnoxious patron.  Either way, it would be nice to come home after a night at The Crossed Swords and be able to snuggle up to a woman.   Call me, okay?

LoinclothComedy
Level 2 Orc Savage
seeking orc females, level 1-5

All orc savage wear loincloth all the time.  I don’t know what write here, so I tell you my loincloth joke*.  Okay?

Orc goes to shaman.

Orc say “I so sick, cough all day, nose run,  feel like dung.  Not getting better.  What you think?”

Shaman say, “You look bad.  I need sample of spit, sweat, blood, and baby-orc-makin-juice to do tests on.”

Orc say, “Oh, great.  I have all of that on my loincloth!”

You laugh?  Send me email.

BigHandsBigYknow
Level 4 Vampire Spawn
seeking anyone, any level

You know what they say about Big Hands?  Big gloves!  Ha!  I slay myself.  Wait, already dead.   I’m looking mainly for friends.  I want to wrap my hands around your neck and bi– I mean, give you hugs and kisses.    Maybe a friendly nibble?

Let’s go out to dinner and enjoy a nice glass of red bl–  wine.  I enjoy chardonnay – that’s a red, right?

UndeadDMD
Level 3 Deathlock
seeking undead females, any level

Notice my beautiful pearly whites?  These are no accident.  I’m a dentist.   The undead need dental care, too!   How do you expect to inflict good bite attacks if your teeth are rotting out of your gums?  Sure, sometimes I inflict minor wounds while working on my patients, but it’s never as bad as all those fraidy-cats say it is.

I’m looking for a woman who wants to be my hygenist and life partner.  If you love teeth, biting, or sticking your hands in people’s mouths, contact me right away for an interview.

DakionTheSpaz
Level 6 Renegade Warlock
seeking human females, level 1-5

Hi ladies, my name is Dakion.  I’m a renegade warlock, which basically means I do my own thing.  Like being a maverick.  Mostly I like to appear randomly and do good deeds, because that is very maverick for a warlock.  Don’t you think?

Either way, I’m looking for a lady who will toy with me until I can’t stand it any longer.  At that point, I’ll either do something about it or disappear without a trace.

BlueEyesGoldenQuills
Level 3 Celestial Dire Badger
seeking badger males, level 3-7

I’m a single mom and am VERY PROTECTIVE of my babies!  If you even have the slightest twinge of Evil in you, I will smite you right where you stand, so don’t even try.  I’m looking for a male badger who can help guard my lair, raise my babies, and make more babies.   Babies are so adorable and I definitely know I want more, more, more!  I’m shooting for octuplets next time – wanna help make ‘em?

Deathknell is an older set and can be hard to find at your Friendly Local Game Store.  If you’re interested in any of the minis above (or the BEHOLDER!), your best bet is to order online.

Then maybe my Beholder and your Beholder could go on a date at GenCon.  Sound fun?

* Credit for the loincloth joke goes to Tommy the Coach Driver from my Europe tour.  His version was of a German guy and his lederhosen.

Remember, the older miniatures are going to be things of the past soon, so head to your Friendly Local Gaming store or Amazon.com and pick them up while they last!

I grabbed this box while on Thanksgiving break in my old hometown of Orlando – big props to the folks at Sci-Fi City for an awesome Black Friday sale!  Side note – if you’re in Orlando for a vacation or conference, you MUST go to Sci-Fi City to get your geek on.  I miss that store.

Anyway, on to our singles!

ItsBetterTogether
Level 4 Demonweb Swarm
seeking more spiders for our orgy!

Let’s get real, spiders of the world.  One on one monogamy is soooooo over.  Join our pile.  Life is better in a swarm.  Whose leg is that?  Who cares!   If it feels good, do it.

SnaketongueBenefits
Level 5 Snaketongue Cultist
seeking female humans, level 1-5

Having a trackless step has benefits – nobody can follow me.  Being so close to nature has its benefits – I can meld into the woods and commune with its denizens.   Being a master of wild shape has benefits – I can be a dire badger or a wolf pup and sneak places that my human form would never allow me to be.  I’m looking for a woman who is at home in the woods, preferably a druid, but will consider others.   Find out why they call me Snaketongue.

BloodPowerDomination
Level 6 Blood of Vol Fanatic
seeking female devotees of Vol, all levels

From blood, power.  From power, domination. If those sentences stir you and make you fill with glee, you should email me.   There is nothing more thrilling than donning my cultist robes and heading out into the world to follow the Tenets of Vol as best I can.  I’m looking for a woman with similar goals in her life.

Do you have the unquenchable flame of life?

Want to touch my six pack?

FarmerInTheDell
Level 1 Farmer
seeking human females, level 1-3

I have finally scraped together enough money to have my own farm!  It isn’t much, a couple pigs, some cows, and some rows of corn and wheat, but it’s MY farm.   The only thing I need to complete it is a beautiful woman to help me work the fields and keep me warm at night.   I’m not sure what I’ll tell the pigs when they have to sleep in the barn, but I’m sure they’ll get over it.

AnEyeforLove
Level 8 Cyclops
seeking cyclops females, level 1-8

It’s so funny to watch my enemies cower in fear as I charge perfectly and powerfully towards them and knock them down.  HaHAHA!  You will want a piece of me.  In fact, if I see you’ve looked at my profile and haven’t emailed me for love, I will track you down and make you love me.  That’s a promise.  So you’d better click that contact button.   Go on.  DO IT.  NOW.  It’ll be better for you if you make the first move.

TortureTurnsMeOn
Level 6 Spined Devil
seeking devil females, any level

You MUST see my torture chamber.  My playground, I call it.  At the moment, I only have a few playthings in it, but do I *ever* have the collection of torture implements.   Plenty of toys to use on our playmates and watch them squeal and shriek in fear and pain.    They need to be tortured, says my boss, so I get to torture them.  You want to help?  If any of them die in the process, we can dine on their flesh.  There’s nothing like biting into fresh meat.

MyKingdomForAnElf
Level 3 Ravenous Ghoul
seeking elven female, any level

This is going to seem really weird, but I’m out of options.  I’ve been a ghoul for 3 levels now and can’t get ANY loving.  You know why?  Everyone I touch is paralyzed.   Ghoul Touch seems cool when you’re in combat, but it’s the kiss of death for your love life (unless you like dead fish – I don’t!!).  I’ve done my research and it appears the only race that is immune to my paralysis is elf.   ELVEN WOMEN, HAVE MERCY ON ME! I’ll do anything to spend a night in your arms.  I don’t have much, but what little I have, I will give you for one night of bliss.   Please?

PerfectMindPerfectBlade
Level 9 Eternal Blade
seeking elven females, levels 12-30

I’m not the kind of lesbian that has mommy issues.  Let me get that right out, okay?  I just love older women.   I’m a fearsome warblade with mental skills that equal my martial skills.  The list of my skills is too long to mention, but let’s just say that you will always feel safe in my arms.   I’m looking for a woman who is comfortable in her skin and wants to see the world with me as I travel.   At the end of a tough day, I want someone who will help me out of my armor and into a warm bath.  Is that you?

Our singles thank you for taking the time to read their profiles and hope to be seeing you soon!

By the way, another reason to grab a few boxes of  Desert of Desolation?  It’s the set that has the Gelatinous Cube.   Your mini collection is not complete without one!

Today’s eligible singles hail from the newest set, Demonweb.    Remember folks, Demonweb is the end of an era.  Starting this year, Wizards of the Coast is moving to a new system for distributing miniatures.

Minis Seeking Love will be rolling with the changes!  I have four sets after this one to write up and will continue to write about the new minis when they arrive.  I’m especially looking forward to the sets with more females!

KermitTheSlaad
Level 14 Curse Slaad
Seeking female slaadi, any level

I’ve heard rumors that there’s some guy out there using my name and abusing females of all races.  Rest assured, that is NOT ME!  Sure, I may be full of curses and chaos, but when I come home, I hang that up with my hat and want nothing more than spending time with you, croaking about our day and then doing things that you can only do with +17 to Athletics.  But only with you, baby!  Only with you.  I love you.

SafeUpHere
Level 1 Spiretop Drake
seeking female drakes, level 1-2 or
dragon champions of high level

Up here.  Yeah, look up.   Wai up on this cliff.  See, I wuz hanging wif my warband.  Then r Dragon Champion wuz killd (omg!1!!1! wuz awful).  Now I fraid to come down.  I plannin to stai heer til a new Dragon Champion comes.    Not much to eet heer.   Found sum bugs.  Yesterday wuz lucky and burd floo in my mouth.  Todai, not so lucky.  Come soon.  Bring fud.  Or Dragon Champion!

L-Le-MentalBeest
Level 5 Runespiral Demon
seeking small demons, all levels

I’m little, super fast, evil, demony. Lite-ning is not scary cuz I am fast like lite-ning. Oh, and can make lite-ning bolt arc like BOOM! Yes yes. Oooh, yes. I like all other evil demons – so let’s make a Meetup group and get toogether for evil stuff. My place or yours?

PutYourEyeOut
Level 2 Sharn Redcloak
seeking elven females, any level

I have a thing for elves.   When I was a young boy, I was out in the woods and I saw an elven archer take down an orc with a shot straight between the eyes.  It was the most amazing thing I had ever seen and ever since then I wanted to 1) shoot longbow and 2) marry an elven woman.  My mother said, “You’ll put your eye out with that thing!” but I didn’t care.  I hear you all are beautiful even when you’re over 100 years old, so as long as you are female and an elf, please contact me.  You can boss me around!  I won’t even care because I’ll be basking in your elven awesomeness.  Mmmmm… elves.

FourFootSecuritySystem
Level 2 Guard Drake
seeking master, any level or race

Grepo Shanks, drake dealer, here.  I always say, “Nothing says ‘security’ like a 4-foot lizard that won’t run away when it’s hurt.“   You may be on this site looking for love, but have you considered your personal safety?  Wouldn’t you feel better about being out in the Wild if you had a Guard Drake as your loyal guardian?   He’s four feet of pure brute – immune to fear and with a bite that’ll make your enemies think twice about getting near you.   Contact me now before my profile gets pulled for violating the Terms of Service.

SeenMyStaff
Level 3 Hobgoblin Warcaster
seeking hobgoblin males, level 1-3

One of the BEST things about being a warcaster is the AMAZING colors we can wear.  I mean, gosh, it’s just great.  I have this FIRE RED outfit that I am lovin’!  I mean, it is hot hot HOT.  If you want the boi on your arm to be the kind of CANDY that everyone at The Crossed Swords envies, then you want ME in my red outfit.  Did I mention I can Force Dart, Slide, Lure AND Pulse?  And not to mention the magic I can do…

RockMeAsmodeus
Level 7 Tiefling Cleric of Asmodeus
seeking male worshippers of Asmodeus, any level

Ain’t no party like the parties in the Nine Hells! Power, tyranny, domination – we have it all with Asmodeus! There is nothing sexier than a man who glows with the pure power of the Dark Lord. Let’s kill some of those Care Bear do-Gooders – I get tingly just thinking about it!! Don’t email me if you worship any other god – they all suck compared to Asmodeus, and if you worship Pelor – YOU WILL NOT CONVERT ME SO STOP TRYING!!! Evil men only – y’all are sexy.

JoinTheFray
Level 10 Phaseweb Spider
seeking male spiders, any level

My web is beautiful… so shiny and perfect in every strand.  You’d be proud to be associated with a female of my skills.  Let me shift your reality, my sweet one.  We’ll make thousands and thousands of children and weave our web all over the world.  Maybe find a nice place in the Underdark with some kind drow to watch over us.   What do you say?  Sounds nice, doesn’t it?

Come back soon for another Minis Seeking Love!

Are you ready to see the inner desires of…

• Aqualish Warrior
• Clone Trooper on Gelagrub
• IG-86 Assassin Droid
• Neimoidian Warrior
• Trandoshan Scavenger
• Human Soldier of Fortune
• Quarren Isolationist
• and last but not least… General Grievous!

BloodThirstQuenched
Aqualish Warrior
Fringe

I’m all about these Clone Wars.

Anything to give me an excuse to kill people and take their things.  Mostly though, I’m just interested in killing people.  You could call me bloodthirsty and you wouldn’t be wrong.

I’m looking for a lady who has the same bloodthirst as me.  Nothing looks sexier than when you’re wiping blood from your tusks.

HooptyRide
Clone Trooper on Gelagrub
Republic

Please don’t judge me by my ride.   Desperate times call for desperate measures.  I promise you that when I’m not at war, I have a vehicle that’s a little more respectable.

At least I have this helmet on so nobody can recognize me…

I hope.

DroidsNeedLoveToo
IG-86 Assassin Droid
Fringe

Droids need love too!  Especially assassin droids.  My missions always involve death.  Kill this commander, kill that commander.  I’d love to come home to someone who can oil my aching joints and tell me stories about things that don’t involve death.  If you’re a maid droid who cleans up after a brood of messy children, I’d love to hear your stories.

Help me find some balance.

BusinessmanGoneBad
Neimoidian Warrior
Republic

Most Neimoidians are only after money, and I’ll be honest, that was me for several years.  But I realized I wanted more.  I wanted to go to war, I wanted to see the world and kill its people for fun and profit.  After some time in the war, I’ve realized there isn’t much profit to be gained killing people.  If you’ve got a good family business that’s profitable, I’d like to join your family, marry you, and spend the rest of my years being your business manager.

Sound good to you?  It sounds good to me!

FindersKeepers
Trandoshan Scavenger
Fringe

I’m the best scavenger I know.  Weapons, armor, technology, clothing, jewelry… you name it, I have it!  I have a whole cache of exciting things that I’ve acquired over the years and I can’t wait to share them with a beautiful T’doshok woman.

I know this is a little kinky to put in a personal ad, but I know what I want, so I’m going to put it out there!   I want a woman to ravage me, scratch me, bite me, all of that!  Regeneration has its advantages!

BusinessIsGood
Human Solider of Fortune
Fringe

Gotta love wartime.  Business is good for a gun-for-hire like me.  If you don’t mind dating a mercenary, I’d love to have a woman to come home to (when I get to come home).  Human, Zeltron, Twi’lek, I’m not picky on race as long as you’re pretty.

My most impressive weapon is the one I’ll introduce you to later… wink wink.

MmmmCalamari
Quarren Isolationist
Separatist

Civil war, Schmivil war.  We all know who is on the right side of this battle.  Either way, when this is all over, I’d like a nice girl to spend time with.  I want to stroke your tentacles.

I have the most manly moobs in all the galaxy – they drape ever so sexy-like over my shiny belt.   You know you love it.

ItTakesFour
General Grievous
General BadAss

You will notice that I have not one, not two, but FOUR LIGHTSABERS.  Four.  I am just THAT talented.  Thus, I need not one, not two, but FOUR WOMEN.  That’s right.  I need a veritable harem to keep up with all of me.  I’m a machine – well, I’m mostly a machine.  Either way, I need a lot of women to keep up with me.  If I like you, you’ll be around for a long time.  If we don’t get along, well… I have four lightsabers.  Your death will be quick and (relatively) painless.

Happy Holidays, Geek Friends!

Posting will be sporadic while I’m out of town.

Get off the computer and enjoy your friends and family.

]]> http://geeksdreamgirl.com/2008/12/21/msl-star-wars-clone-wars-edition/feed/ 5 http://geeksdreamgirl.com/2008/10/02/msl-dungeons-of-dread-edition-round-two/ http://geeksdreamgirl.com/2008/10/02/msl-dungeons-of-dread-edition-round-two/#comments Thu, 02 Oct 2008 04:01:40 +0000 e http://geeksdreamgirl.com?p=851

Geek’s Dream Girl presents Minis Seeking Love, the Dungeons of Dread edition. MSL presents the eligible bachelors, bachelorettes, and… things of the Dungeons & Dragons Miniatures with personal ads written from the point of view (charisma and intelligence!) of the minis involved.

This group contains Mielka Dawnhammer (Moradin’s Lass), a Red Dragon, an Ettin, and some other fascinating singles!

Before anyone comments: “OMG e!!  How did you get more than one rare in a box?” this post contains a combination of a couple booster packs, leaving out the repeats from the last MSL: Dungeons of Dread post.

ReelEmIn
Level 2 Goblin Picador
seeking Goblin female, level 1 – 4
in the Borderlands or Civilization

My friends mean a lot to me. I am always with them, so you will have to like them because I don’t go out alone.   We will all go out as a group and if I don’t like you, you’ll know because I’ll suddenly shift away.  If I do like you, look out!  You won’t be able to move more than 5 feet away from me.

SexyRapierBoy
Level 5 Defiant Rake
seeking human or elf male, Level 10-30
in Civilization or the Underdark

Are you my Daddy?  I’m a rogue with a rapier and I know how to use it, if you know what I mean.   My last boyfriend dumped me because I was an undiagnosed kleptomaniac and stole his gold while he slept.  I’m on medication now, so you don’t need to worry!  I’m always out dancing at The Crossed Swords, but lately, I’ve just had to keep dodging all these young things who don’t know what they want in a relationship.  I want you, Daddy.  You know you want this sassy boy – email me soon.

BigRed
Level 7 Young Red Dragon
seeking dragon females, all levels
in the Borderlands

I love blondes!  I’m sorry to all the red, green, blue, black, and other colored dragons out there, but I have always been a sucker for a blonde.  Gold dragons – email me ASAP!  Nothing gets me fired up more than a hot blonde.   Blondes make me jump for joy.  Let’s fly across the country together and mate to see whether we end up with creamsicle-colored babies.  I think they’d be totally awesome!

ILoveHead
Level 7 Bugbear Headreaver
seeking bugbear females, level 7-9
in Civilization or the Borderlands

I was excited when I was chosen to be a headreaver.   It is the most evil and satisfying job.  First I sneak up to the camp, then I choose my target, then I chop off his head!  I love heads!  I hold them by the hair and watch the eyes blink.  I show them their twitching body on the ground.  So fun.  I spend all day taking head.  Guess what I spend all night doing?  Email me if you are interested.

TundraSlasher
Level 9 Everfrost Ranger
seeking human females, level 5-12
in the Borderlands or the Wild

Rumor has it that Everfrost rangers are as unforgiving and hard as the tundra from which we hail.   I’d like to say that is a stereotype and I am not like the other Everfrost rangers.   Yes, I can endure days and nights out in the cold without food or water, but I’d much rather be home by the hearth with you.   If I don’t answer your call right away, I might be whirling around trying to get everything done.  I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.  Before you know it, I’ll shift over to your side and put my big arms around you.

DoubleTrouble
Level 10 Ettin Jack-of-Irons
seeking humanoid females, any level
in the Borderlands or the Wild

They say two heads are better than one, but it really makes it hard to find true love.   I want a blonde, he wants a brunette.  For some reason, we can’t get two women at the same time.  Two heads = two different guys.   It’s not like we can go on separate dates or anything.  Ideally we’d find an Ettin woman, but they’re pretty hard to find, so if you’re fraternal twins (one blonde, one brunette) and you like big burly guys, you’ll do just fine.

Bamf Into Your Heart
Level 11 Drow Wand Mage
seeking drow females, any level
in the Underdark

Seeking my Dark Princess, my black, black, black, black Queen of my Heart.  I’m a master of the arcane – I can blast through the hurt that your last boyfriend did and teleport my way into your heart.  I’ll rub your feet, braid your snow white silky hair, read you bedtime stories, father your beautiful children.  I’m ready to serve you, my Special Lady.

Sparklez!
Level 12 Dwarf Shieldmaiden
seeking dwarf males, level 10-14
in Civilization or the Borderlands

Ok, I’m lying about my age.  I’m really only about to be level 3, but I’ve always loved older men and wanted to show up in your search results.  I promise that’s the only lie I’ll tell you – okay?  Everything else is 100% truth, so help me Moradin.  My name is Mielka and I’m a cleric.  Yep, I look kinda like a fighter, but that’s only because I’m paranoid about being smacked around, so I prefer to have lots of armor on.  I’m looking for a man who loves Moradin and wants to come on fun adventures with me and my friends – Helion the ranger, Errich the rogue, and Drash the fighter.  Oh, and Fin.  He’s a swordmage.  Don’t get too close to him.

Star Wars Miniatures MSL are coming…

on hold while I try to find good pictures of the minis!

Night Below is the lucky 13th set of miniatures released by Wizards of the Coast.  The theme for Night Below is “things you might find in a dungeon.”  (Reminds me of a clue category for that pyramid game show…)

Either way, let’s check out our singles, written in their own voices (and loosely based on their intelligence & charisma scores!):

HalberdChick
Level 4 Greyhawk City Militia Sergeant
seeking human male, level 4-10

I’m a chick with a halberd, how badass is that?  The streets of Greyhawk are my home.  You’ll find me patrolling the town center near all the shops.  My favorite part of my job is chasing down thieves and using my halberd to slice through their belts.  Nothing like arresting a pantless man.  I’ve gone too far, I think.  I’m not saying I’m going to cut your pants off!!!! Unless you want me to cut them off…

WaterBoy
Level 4 Kuo-Toa Hunter
seeking Kuo-Toa female, level 1-6

The aquatic lifestyle is where it’s at!  I’m looking for my dream girl – she looks great in tight leather and knows how to wield a spear.  Pure unbridled hatred of humanoids is a must.  I have a bit of a temper sometimes, but only when I’ve been drinking and lately, I haven’t.   Let’s find a dark corner where we can snuggle up and I can stare into your big beautiful eyes.

ShacklesNChains
Level 3 Prisoner
seeking female, any race, any level

I didn’t do it!  I know every prisoner says that, but seriously, I was framed.  I’m really lonely here in jail but at least we have internet access!  I’d love to chat with you about life on the outside and am looking to get married and settle down as soon as my appeal is over.  Contact me soon!

LeckrikBlooz
Level 4 Bluespawn Ambusher
seeking Bluespawn female, level 1-6

Hi.  Me lekrik bloo dragon.  Zap zap.   Yoo lekrik bloo dragon too?  Come C me.

LongSwordLongDwarf
Level 11 Champion of Dol Dorn
seeking female dwarf, level 1-12

I fight for the honor of Dol Dorn.  My woman also loves Dol Dorn.  Better if she is a fighter or cleric of Dol Dorn.  Will like if you are female and dwarf.  Small beard okay.  I am kind of scary.  Big sword, big beard, big plate armor.  I can see it.  I have a big scary face and love to cleave through enemies.   Cleave, cleave, cleave.  I want a female who can rub my feet.  Oh, and clean my sword.  It is bloody and needs cleaning.  Take care of my needs.  Then we take care of Dol Dorn’s needs.  Okay?  Okay.

.

RainbowBrightly
Level 7 Wild Mage
seeking human male, level 6-12

There is nothing more fun than harnessing the powers of the wilderness – ice, fire, water, lightning – it makes me all tingly just thinking about it!  I have this aura about me that is pretty crazy – either you totally get me or you totally don’t.  That’s fine, though.   I’m looking for a man who wants to run through the wilderness hand in hand, make love under the stars, and have competitions to see whose ice knife can go the furthest.   How about a friendly wager?

DeadDrainingDude
Level 3 Shadow
seeking souls, any level

Shadows beget shadows.  Let me drain you.  You won’t let me? I will find you in the dark.  You can’t see me.  You feel a cold touch.  You fall to the ground.  You are weak.  So weak. What’s happening?  Oh, it’s just me.  Can’t turn me, can’t see me.  You are weaker, weaker, weaker.  Soon you will be a shadow too.  No choice, you are one of us.

GoldyScales
Level 14 Gold Dragon
seeking male dragons, level 12-30

Let’s face it – most of us dragons are in our separate caves, guarding our hoard, blasting fire at intruders.  When I get a chance, I like to fly over my domain.  It’s so peaceful up in the air, surveying the world, you know?   It made me realize how lonely I am and how I’d like to be a mother someday.  I’m not saying you’d have to stick around and be a parent, but it would be nice to have a kindred soul to talk to, mate with, and occasionally have some family flights over our world.   Let’s take flight together!

Today’s edition features the minis of Against the Giants.

According to the Wizards of the Coast website, “Against the Giants will be our third foray into Huge miniatures. For this set, we’ve once again reexamined how figures are distributed across the rarities. As in War of the Dragon Queen, there are six uncommon Huge figures and six rare Huge figures, with a rare Huge being found on average in one out of three boosters. We’ve changed how the other figures are distributed, too. In addition to the 12 Huge figures in the set, there are 18 rares, 21 uncommons, and 9 commons. In a single booster, you’ll find one Huge figure (uncommon or rare), one non-Huge rare, three uncommons, and three commons.

As you might expect, Against the Giants contains a few giants and titans, all found in the 4th Edition Monster Manual. Previews of 4th Edition have mentioned the relationship between giants and titans, so for our first preview, you get to see two uncommon creatures linked to the ground beneath their feet.”

Let’s check out our eligible bachelors, bachelorettes, and… things:

RockHardAbs
Level 16 Earth Titan
seeking Titan female, level 10-16
in the Borderlands or the Wild

I am rock solid, baby.  I’ve got great abs and an arse that just won’t quit! Seriously, my best side is my backside.  People pay money to get an arse like mine.  Don’t worry about the green stuff – it’s just moss.   I’m big and strong.  And I have a nice arse. Did I say that already?

MommysLittleDevil
Level 7 Shocktroop Devil
seeking Devil or Demon female, level 3-10
in the Borderlands or Civilization

Check me out!  I’m evil and you love it.  I have badass armor, a huge sword, and I’m the shiftiest devil you’ve ever met.  When I’m not leading the legions of the Nine Hells, I enjoy slaughtering babies of all species.  Let’s get together and spill the blood of innocents.

BlueNGoldBeauty
Level 8 Captain of the Watch
seeking humanoid male, level 7-12
in Civilization

People say I’m inspiring – that being around me makes them better people.  I’m not trying to boast, but I do tend to bring out the best in people.  Then there was this one time a guy tried to get away from me and I pinned him down.  Oh, it wasn’t anybody I was dating.  Seriously, I’m not clingy like that.

PyroMANcer
Level 11 Eladrin Pyromancer
seeking elven female, level 5-15
in Civilization or the Wild

Flowing blonde hair, beautiful blue eyes, and a fireball that rarely misses its mark?  Did I mention I’m a sharp dresser?  You are seriously missing out if you haven’t dated a wizard – we’re bright, charming and handsome, not to mention powerful.  I can light candles with magic – isn’t that romantic?  Come on, what are you waiting for?  Your life isn’t complete without me.

CrushSmiteKill
Level 8 Degenerate Cultist of Orcus
seeking humanoid female, level 1-7
in the Borderlands or Underdark

Me big and strong.  Protect you.  Big mace.  Big strong chest.
Big legs.  Big arms.  Big red beard.  Big… big.  You know.
My mace crushes with evil power.  I will love you, not crush you.
Email now to me.
Now.

MmmmBrains
Level 2 Orc Zombie
seeking brains, any level
in the Borderlands or Underdark

What better than orc?  Orc zombie.

Come near me and I will grab your heart and your brains.  Not much you can do to avoid that.

LongtailRaider
Level 5 Lizardfolk Raider
seeking lizardlady, level 1-6
in the Borderlands or the Wild

I’m at home in the swamp.  If you like the swamp, I will like you.  I move quickly in the swamp because all swamps are like my home swamp.  I run through the swamp and swish my big tail back and forth.  I have a tail fetish.  Can I touch your tail?  It’s so sexy.  All tail sexy.  Especially yours.

OchreJelly
Level 3 Ochre Jelly
seeking jelly, level 1-30
in the Underdark or the Wild

Hi, I’m writing this profile for my friend here, Jelly.   He’s ochre colored and squishy and kinda acidy.  He’s pretty lonely in our dungeon and I can’t speak whatever language jellies speak, so um, if you know a lonely jelly too and you’re reading this, come see us.  We’re in that dungeon about a day’s walk north of the tavern.  Yeah, that tavern.  Come soon – he looks depressed.

Coming soon… more Minis Seeking Love…

including Star Wars minis!

]]> http://geeksdreamgirl.com/2008/09/17/msl-minis-seeking-love-against-the-giants-edition/feed/ 11 http://geeksdreamgirl.com/2008/04/09/msl-minis-seeking-love-dungeons-of-dread-edition/ http://geeksdreamgirl.com/2008/04/09/msl-minis-seeking-love-dungeons-of-dread-edition/#comments Wed, 09 Apr 2008 04:01:36 +0000 e http://geeksdreamgirl.com/2008/04/09/msl-minis-seeking-love-dungeons-of-dread-edition/ Geek’s Dream Girl presents Minis Seeking Love, the Dungeons of Dread edition. I picked up a box of these and thought that it would be fun to write up personal ads from the point of view (charisma and intelligence!) of the minis involved. Here’s what happened…

ShiftyEyes
“Why am I here?”
Level 2 Kobold Archer
Small Natural Humanoid
seeking Kobold female, level 1 – 4
in the Borderlands or the Wild

I not strong, smart, or handsome. I scared a lot. But I notice stuff b4 anyone and as long as I shoot first, I can do lots of hurt on the battlefield. At least until they start shooting back. Oh heck, I’m wimpy. Maybe that’s why I doing internet dating instead of finding female in the real world… are you still reading this? I not be surprised if you don’t email.

RedEyedAxeMan
“I will make you cry out for your god!”
Level 3 Orc Raider
Medium Natural Humanoid
seeking Orc female, Level 5-8
in the Borderlands

I’m looking for a cougar. Young orc females can’t keep up with me. I want an older one with experience who can appreciate my strength and endurance. I’m a seasoned fighter and need a female (you!) who can clean the blood and entrails from my battleaxe every night. I look good in (and out!) of my armor. I exploit the weaknesses of my enemies and every night when I go to sleep (with you!) I know that Gruumsh is pleased with me. You know you want a piece of this – email me soon.

FootFetish
“I dance good.”
Level 4 Giant Centipede
Medium Natural Beast
seeking Centipede females, all levels
in the Underdark or the Wild

You want me to be the father of your children because I scuttle fast. I put my stuff in this web here and I’m dancing. Wriggle wriggle. We don’t need relashonship. You just come to web, see dance, eat my stuff, make my babies. I waiting. I the one with orange belly and hot dance moves.

(Centipede mating does not involve copulation. Males deposit a spermatophore for the female to take up. In one clade, this spermatophore is deposited in a web, and the male undertakes a courtship dance to encourage the female to engulf his sperm. – Wikipedia)

Bloodlusty
“Buy me a drink? I prefer sucked, not stirred.”
Level 6 Vampire Spawn
Medium Natural Humanoid (Undead)
seeking Vampire Males, levels 5-9
seeking all races, all levels
in Civilization or the Underdark

Being a vampire has its advantages and disadvantages. Sure, it’s great to be undead, but it’s hard to find someone you want to spend eternity with, y’know? It’s not like humans – they only need to tolerate their mate for 40 or 50 years. Try not getting annoyed with someone’s little foibles after a few centuries together. Sorry, I’m not bitter. I’m easily distracted by the scent of blood, so if we’re on a dinner date and someone at the next table has a papercut, the conversation will go out the window. I am also a licensed massage therapist looking for new clients. For some reason, people say my massage is the last one they’ll ever need…

FuzzyToePally
“My favorite meal is second breakfast – what’s yours?”
Level 7 Halfling Paladin
Small Natural Humanoid
seeking Halfling hermaphrodites, levels 4-7
in Civilization

I’m looking for a beautiful short and stout hermaphrodite who worships Arvoreen. My faith is important to me and it should be important to my mate as well. I have accepted that my god has provided me with both breasts and a man-like physique and am hoping to find someone similar. I’m very protective and loyal to my friends and am pretty much fearless. Battling the forces of Evil is my purpose in life – nothing feels better than landing a vindicating blow on an orc or vampire and watching it crumple to the ground. I will only rest when my lands are free of evil. Care to join me on the battlefield, or would you rather be the smiling face that greets me when I get home and rubs my aching feet?

LolthsPatientDefender
“Seeking beautiful priestess of the Spider Queen.”
Level 8 Drow Spiderguard
Medium Natural Humanoid
seeking Drow females, any level
in the Borderlands or the Underdark

I’m a spiderguard and my Frostburn Longsword has been the death of many of Lolth’s enemies. I’m strong, quick, and pretty handsome, if you don’t mind me saying so. I’m looking for a priestess who needs a mate and defender. I promise to always uphold your honor and never be an embarrassment to you, your house, or our children. My mother is a powerful priestess and my greatest hope is to find a priestess of my own that I can honor. I can provide you many daughters to bring glory and power to your house. Of course, it is all up to you. I am at your mercy and welcome your email, should you choose to send one.

TallShadowyHandsome
“My plane or yours?”
Level 11 Shade Knight
Medium Shadow Humanoid
seeking shade females, level 5-11
in the Underdark

Baby, let me put my Aura of Shadow around us so we can be alone for some quality time. Don’t let my greatsword scare you! I am a fearsome champion and fearless leader, but you can see right through to my heart. I want nothing more than to pick you up and carry you somewhere we can be alone. (I already said that, but really, I need some alone time! All this battling makes a guy tired!) Let’s go somewhere dark where we are the only people who can see each other and let nature take its course.

HoofinHammerTime
“Seeking female for endless maze of love.”
Level 13 Champion of Baphomet
Large Natural Humanoid
seeking minotaur females, level 5-13
in Civilization or the Wild

I’m a strong and ferocious fighter. The best part about my hammer (besides the fact that it is huge!) is that sometimes when I hit people with it, they get so confused that they’ll attack their allies. I have keen senses that allow me to smell my enemies from afar, so you’d better smell good. Beyond that, I’m not picky. Write soon, I’m horny. (Get it? Get it? I have horns… I slay myself.) Write soon. Smell good. Really good.

All in all, I’m pretty impressed with these guys. I’m kinda bummed that I didn’t get some of the other cool figures from this series, like the Drow Wand Mage, Dwarf Shieldmaiden, Eye of Flame (to go with my other Beholder!), Griffon, Oni, or a dragon!

I really wish that WotC would make more girl minis. It’s so hard to find a good mini if you are a girl (or play a female character). I had to settle for the Lolth’s Sting character for Mar’Kessa, even though she never uses her rapier:

I mean, how hard would it be to cast two of each mini – one with boobs and eyelashes and one without?

Okay, it wouldn’t be that easy, but I can’t see it being that hard, either. Sometimes (like with the Halfling Paladin) there’s a mini that has breasts but otherwise looks male. It’s like something out of a Jerry Springer show.

Either way, I look forward to collecting more of the Dungeons of Dread set… I see myself shaking lots of boxes at the local gaming store, looking for the dragons. Wish me luck!