One of the features of OkCupid that is both wonderful and troublesome is the Message lights system. When someone is logged in and looking at your profile, one of three traffic light colors will appear:

• Green: Replies often
• Yellow: Replies selectively
• Red: Replies very selectively

As far as I can find out, there is no specific documentation on OkCupid’s end explaining the math behind the lights. There’s much speculation on the OkCupid forum and in user’s journals about the system and whether it’s accurate and/or fair.

The Bottom Line

Ladies, if you have a red light, guys are going to assume you won’t reply to their email.  Many of them won’t even write the email because of this assumption.

So it’s pretty critical that you do everything in your power to keep your light green, or at least yellow.

A New Client

I had a new female client recently who signed up for OkCupid as her first attempt at online dating. She put up one photo and a little blurb that said that she had just signed up and would be filling out her profile soon. Then she hired me.

In the few days her profile was up, she received some unsolicited emails from local guys wanting sexytime.

Yep. Her nearly empty profile with one, semi-obscured face picture was getting her emails. And she deleted them, since she thought, “I don’t want this.”

Makes sense, except her lack of replies turned her light yellow. And if she had continued in that manner, it would have turned red before she even got her new profile up and running.

Does A Red Light Hurt Me?

I generally advise my male clients to email the women with green and yellow lights first and to only email a red light if it seems she’s an extremely good match. Even then, most of the red light women live up to the red light and don’t reply.

I have heard of men who hide the profiles of women with red lights. I don’t advise doing this (since the system *is* a little buggy). But ladies, just letting you know – there are sweet, wonderful, geeky guys who assume your red light means that you’re a meanie who doesn’t reply to anybody. It’s in your best interest to keep your light green.

How to Keep It Green

There’s no sure-fire way to do this (since there are anecdotal reports that the light system is buggy), but here’s what I recommend to keep your light green.

1. Reply to everything. Yes, even the douchebags who just want to stick it in the nearest warm hole.  You don’t owe them a real reply. Just type: “No thanks.” Click send. Then find the link (at the bottom of his email) that lets you block him. You’ve kept your light green AND you’ve prevented him from contacting you again. Done and done.
2. Don’t delete emails from your mailbox until it gets full. There is some evidence that even if you reply, deleting the message futzes with your “score.” So keep ‘em in there. Purge once a month or whenever your box starts to reach capacity.

I’m curious to see some data about the messaging system. If anyone stumbles upon some, let me know!

Happy dating, geek friends.

Here are the top 10 articles of 2010 by traffic:

1. Needles of Knitting +5: Using The Craft Skill To Its Best Advantage

2. GenCon 2010 Update: Castle Ravenloft Board Game

3. Coping With Being Single: Ur Doin’ It Wrong

4. Brainless Act Leads to Smart Decision

5. LiveBlogging: Dungeons & Dragons Experience 2010 (DDXP)

6. Top 5 Anime Speech Patterns that Drive Us Nuts

7. 5 Gosh-Honest Reasons Why Your Dating Life Sucks

8. Doctor Who: In Defense of Amy Pond

9. A Laugh and a Lesson: “My Girlfriend Gave Me Harpies”

10. If You’re Anything Like E, You Will Hate Dragon*Con

Top 10 Oldie-But-Goodie articles by traffic:

1. Choosing a Good Online Dating Username is Like Writing a Hit Song (2008)

2. Geeks Can Cook: Apple Pie Breakfast (#fit4gencon) (2009)

3. Top 10 Reasons Why You Should Date a Geek Girl (2008)

4. D&D At The Library: The Adventure of Little Rogue (2009)

5. Match.com Mysteries: How To Tell If Someone Is A Paying Member (2009)

6. Dinner and a Movie? Yawn. First Date Ideas That Are Different! (2008)

7. The Return of Red Dwarf: Still Flying High (2009)

8. e’s Soapbox: Why OkCupid Is NOT Ok (2008, and I’ve changed my mind since then!)

9. Acting Like A Gay Guy Helps You Get The Girl (2008/2010)

10. It Was Trash From First Hello: Fix Your Dating Email Subject Lines (2009)

How about you?

What was your favorite Geek’s Dream Girl article of 2010?

What other blog did you discover in 2010 that has rocked your socks?

(Not that kind of fantasy.  Seriously.)

(No, not the kind of fantasy with elves and dragons either.)

Let’s imagine what online dating would be like if writing a “Thanks, but no thanks” email were a requirement, rather than an option.

But first, let’s examine the current system and why it can really suck.

Reality:  No Thanks is Optional, Ignoring Frequent

On the majority of online dating websites, you owe a person absolutely nothing if they send you an email.  You don’t have to write back.  (It’s nice to write back, but not required.)  You can totally ignore them, hit the delete key, and be on with your life.

With some paid dating services that allow non-subscribers to post profiles, the person won’t even know that you received the email.  (That is, unless they pay the extra few dollars a month to get the Email Read feature.)

Reality: Some Sites Are Nudging Members To Do The Right Thing

Here’s where I give props to OkCupid.  Yeah, I’ve had issues with them in the past, but after talking to their co-founder and watching how their site has grown and evolved, I’m changing my tune about this quasi-free site.

OkCupid publicizes whether or not you reply to first contact emails.  Right under your profile on the search results page there is a line that tells everyone how polite you are:

Green: replies often

Orange: replies selectively

Red: replies very selectively

Now, before emailing someone, you can pretty much know what your chances are of getting a reply.  Perhaps it’s not wise to waste lots of time writing red people?

Reality:  Matchmaking Type Sites Require Closing Matches

On some of the matchmaking style sites, you have to “close” matches that you aren’t interested in.  Usually when closing, you need to select a reason.  Whether that reason is BS or not depends on you.

Fantasy: What If You HAD To Reply?

We’re adults here, but let’s be honest, a lot of people act like children online.  But let’s just entertain for a moment that all online dating sites required you to reply to every email.

You could select from stock responses or craft your own, but there wouldn’t be an “Other” or similar cop-out answer.  If you got to 5 emails with no replies, your account would be frozen and your profile hidden until you took care of your inbox properly.

How might this change the face of online dating as we know it?

Positive

• Fewer people would sign up “just for fun” (or at least, their profiles wouldn’t last very long).
• Everyone would get closure for every email they send.
• The 2:00 a.m. fit of desperation in which you send the same cut-n-paste email to everything with your preferred genitalia in the tri-state region just in hopes of getting one reply would be a thing of the past.
• You could wait to hear back from one set of emails before mailing out the next, removing the anxiety about having too many potential dates (seriously, it happens!).
• There could be an option to forward the email to customer service rather than replying if the email was spam and/or pornographic in nature, thus speeding up the process of getting the bad guys removed.
• As a dater, you would have constant feedback about your profile and pictures.  You can learn a lot from rejection and change your profile, pictures, or email style to achieve better results.

Negative

• Fewer people would sign up for online dating, citing fear of having to reject other people.  (Even though the current system of never knowing can be pretty cruel.)
• You would have to take the time to reply to everyone.  (But seriously, if it’s as easy as pulling down a drop-down menu and selecting a canned response?)
• As a dater, you would have constant feedback.  Some people can’t take constant feedback.  Some people would rather hear nothing than be told “I’m sorry, you’re too young/fat/Republican/edumacated/blond/geeky for me.“

What do you think?

Is the online dating system okay as-is or would you like to see more sites requiring responses to emails or publicizing response rates on profiles?

Update: Check out this response by Moxie, another dating blogger.

You can read the article in full, along with several colorful and handy charts, but I noticed that most of their points – and really, a good first contact email in general – can be summed up in two concepts: personality and low-pressure.

Personality is the something that sets you apart from the others.  Since the medium you’re using is email, a certain amount of letter-writing skills are necessary to let you shine through.

• Number one on the OkCupid list is “be literate.“  Quite simply, if someone’s wondering if you made a typo or if you simply didn’t know how to spell a word, they’re not paying attention to the rest of your message.  Your personality is totally lost, and you’re just that person that can’t spell.
• Conversely, your choice of slang can say something negative about your personality.  Imagine, if you will, a girl saying the word “what.”  Now imagine a girl saying “wut.”   Did you imagine the same girl?  Do you feel the same about both of them?  In short, you don’t want to be that second girl, and you don’t want your words to get in the way of your message.
• Number three on the list is “Use an unusual greeting.” Now, I’d be interested to see whether a scan of subject line greetings would yield the same results – I imagine it would.   Saying “hi” or “hello” is the most generic form of greeting, and contributes to an image that is forgettable.  Saying something more flippant might be cheesy, but it’s more memorable.  It does contribute to the larger picture you’re creating, though, so choose your “howdy” with care.
• Number 5, “Bring up specific interests,” whether your own or the other person’s, shows that either your personalities are compatible, or that you’re interested in hers.   Saying something specific about her profile shows that your email is not a cut-and-paste one, and makes it less generic.   It basically conveys respect, and makes you stand out, all at the same time.
• Number 7, “Consider becoming an atheist,” is just another way to say the same thing as Number 5.  I think they get positive responses to this because in larger society atheists aren’t necessarily open and commonplace, and having the same beliefs is obviously something you have in common right away.  And if the two of you care enough about your beliefs to bring them up on your profiles, you might place similar importance on them.   This is why there are whole dating sites for people of similar beliefs – you’re theoretically starting out with a common interest.

The other key to a good first contact email is to avoid placing pressure on the reader.  People seem to enter online dating with so many expectations; you don’t want to overwhelm someone with your life story or a marriage proposal.   Keeping the first email short and sweet, and pressure-free, is the way to go.

• Number 2 on the list is “Avoid physical compliments.” This is probably the biggest key to being low-pressure.  A string of compliments is too easy to be misinterpreted – it could come off as slimy, or creepy, or obsessive.  It can imply that there’s an expectation of something more in the future.  It’s pretty much the opposite of the “starting out as friends” concept, so it implies that you’re in it for a quick thrill, not a real relationship.
• Number 4 is “Don’t try to take it outside.” Telling someone you want to move to chat or some other form of communication after one email is basically moving too fast.  If you want to ensure that everyone’s comfortable, it’s best to err on the side of caution in the pacing department.  On the other hand, having your contact information in the signature line of your email is sort of like having a business card available – you’re not forcing your information on anyone or placing any expectations, but they know where to find you when they’re ready.
• Number 6 states that “if you’re a guy, be self-effacing.” Personally, I don’t actually agree with this one, but I think what girls are responding to is the obvious lack of sexual pressure.  I think if you follow all of our other tips, you won’t need to resort to groveling to ensure that you’re non-threatening.  And by the way, a guy who’s whining and pleading for a date can be just as creepy as a pervy roid-rager.  I’d avoid this one altogether.

This is all just my speculation and recommendation; however, whatever the reason, the OkCupid article demonstrates what words work and fail.  It’s worth checking out, if only to make sure some of the major red flags aren’t in your first-contact vocabulary.

But now, I’m ready for the world to see!  Go check out my new digs at OnlineDatingProfiler.com.  (You can WIN FREE SERVICES.  More on that later…)

Why the change?  What’s wrong with GDG?  What’s going to happen to GDG?  What’s this site going to offer?   Take a seat, get comfy, and let me introduce you…

It’s a Lovely Corner, But I’d Like to See Other Corners

When I started GDG, I was just one girl in a one bedroom apartment who thought it might be fun to help geeks find love and talk about my adventures playing D&D.   And boy howdy, it has been a blast!

What I never expected was how much the business end would grow.   As the new clients came piling in the door, I realized something.  They were 99% male and 80% geek.    I had done an excellent job branding my site… right into a very specific corner.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s a beautiful corner.  I will always have a soft spot for geeks.  I just realized that if I wanted to market to all the online daters of the world, I was going to need more gender-neutral digs.

Hence, OnlineDatingProfiler.

GDG vs. ODP

We’re not rival gangs!  Think of us as sister sites.

Geek’s Dream Girl will not change.  We will still be giving Geek Love advice and thoughts on whatever weirdness our Geek Lives have to offer.  You can still order services through the GDG site.  Use the code geeklove to get 10% off any service until the end of April.

Online Dating Profiler will be the official business site.  If you order a dating service through GDG, your receipt will be labeled Online Dating Profiler.   ODP has a blog for before & afters, success stories, and links to the buzz of the online dating world.   It also has an affiliate program open to any sites who would like to promote our services.

Online Dating Profiler offers:

• Dating Profile Critiques
• Dating Profile Editing
• Dating Profile Makeovers
• Online Dating Coaching via email
• Live Dating Coaching via chat
• First Contact Email Coaching
• Custom Search Services
• Digital WingGirl – the ultimate package for busy people!

Most importantly, we offer a Lifetime Matchmaking Guarantee.   If we ever get a new client who we feel would be a good match for you, we’ll send you an email and introduce you!  This guarantee applies to clients who choose the Profile Editing, The Works, or Digitial WingGirl services.

Previous clients of these services (including winners of the Profile Makeover Contest) – please email me.  I would love to add you to ODP’s client list so you can benefit from the guarantee.

Follow ODP on Twitter, Get Free Stuff

OnlineDatingProfiler is on Twitter as @onlinedatingpro.  (The ‘filer didn’t fit!)

Follow ODP and ODP will follow you.   As part of our launch, we will be giving away free services starting on Monday 3/23.

In order to win, you must be the 10th person to DM @onlinedatingpro when the call to enter is announced. Think of it like a radio station.  Be the 10th caller and get a prize!

Last But NEVER Least… A Shoutout to Harry and James

I have been lusting after a Men with Pens site for… well, ever since I discovered the Men when I first started blogging.

It was a schoolgirl crush. (Oh hell, it still is.)  Every time I saw them strutting through the intarwebs as arm candy for another blogger, a part of me kicked the nearest locker, sniffled, and thought, “I wish it could be ME!”

This crush was only strengthened when they went all rogue and slipped into GDG to shoot me (silly me, I left the place unlocked with an open invitation to enter).  I was shocked and pleased to come out alive – it rarely happens when the Pen Men visit.  They liked me, they really liked me!

When I realized that I needed to come out of my corner and market my services to all the fine people of the internet, I called upon the Men with Pens to bring on the magic.  They certainly brought it – and then some!  I couldn’t be happier with ODP’s design.

People always say you have to spend money to make money.  If you’re looking to make money from your blog, choose to spend money at Men with Pens before you go anywhere else.  I’m not an actor and this isn’t a paid endorsement.  I just like plugging good stuff, and MwP is amazing stuff.

Don’t Forget!

• Check out Online Dating Profiler.   Comment here and let us know how you like the new place!
• Follow us on Twitter:  e@geeksdreamgirl, j@jdreamgeek and ODP@onlinedatingpro.
• Invite all your single friends to follow ODP and stalk our Twitter starting on Monday 3/23 for your chance to win free stuff!
• Words cannot explain how much I love what I do.  *hugz* to all the geeks who have helped my life become what it is today.

a) Tell her she effin rocks your effin world… eff.
b) Brag about your sexual prowess
c) Tell her she’d better walk away right now if she can’t handle backhanded compliments, because your sarcasm is legendary.
d) None of the above.

Now, I’m not a prude.  When I stub a toe, I’ve been known to howl a few expletives.   I also own The Aristocrats.  However, I start reading some profiles and I begin to feel like some shocked Aunt Nelly.

Open Mouth, Insert Soap

I’ve known people for whom expletives were like the Once-ler’s Thneed  (It’s a noun! It’s a verb!  It’s a bicycle seat!).  However, if you can’t string together a couple of print sentences that are clean, you start to come off as… unimaginative, among other things.

Besides, if cursing is really in your nature, you probably don’t think about it; it flows in the natural cadence of your speech.  If you’re typing, you have to choose to type these words, and incidentally, they stand out way more in print.

Your profile is sort of like your best first impression, right?  There shouldn’t be any extraneous stuff at all that detracts from you – and that includes expletives, because I doubt they define you.

The Mental Image, It Burns

Now, I’m going to assume that if you’re reading this, you’re interested in finding love.   If you are, I’m telling you right now that sexually explicit user names, profile content and even quizzes like the ones on OkCupid can send majorly mixed messages.   Right this minute, I’m looking at the profile of a guy who seems really sweet, but I look at his quizzes and I see that half of them have to do with sex, including the ubiquitous “Slut” test, quizzes about fetishes and other blush-inducing topics.

If this isn’t the sort of stuff you’d bring up on a first date, or maybe even a second date, I’d say it’s a safe bet to just leave those off the profile.  Even if you take these tests in good fun, you can opt to delete them from your profile when you’re done, and leave the ones about zombie survivability and Firefly characters, if you feel they represent something about you.

“You’re funny… Funny-looking!”

“I’m looking for someone who can handle my sarcasm…“  At this point, I’ve seen that sentiment on more profiles than I can count.

Here’s the thing:

Many people use the word ‘sarcasm‘ when they mean ‘self-deprecating‘ or even just  ‘witty.’  If you mean these things, or something else, go with those terms instead.

The line “sarcasm is anger’s ugly cousin” may come from a movie, but there’s a certain amount of truth in it.  If I see that you’re calling yourself sarcastic on your profile, I can’t tell if you mean that I’ll be crying from laughter or because you’re just plain mean.  And do I really want to risk finding out?

Honesty is important, and it’s best to be yourself.  When you’re proofreading your profile, make sure you’re sending the right messages with your choice of language and content.

Back in September, I wrote a rant about OkCupid.  I wrote about what made it not “ok” in my eyes:  tiny avatars, irrelevant (though amusing!) tests, journals, and a long, long, long profile.   OKCupid never delivered decent matches for me and since Match always worked, I always went back to it whenever I was single.

Imagine my surprise when I was contacted by a public relations person asking if I’d like an interview with their co-founder, Sam Yagan…

The Interview

1/22/09  5:30 PM EST – 6:32 PM EST via YahooIM.  Edited for readability.

Niceties and What’s e’s Beef?

sam: How are you?  Nice to meet you.  So, we’re not ok?

e: Not okay with me personally, but whatever floats other people’s boats… or sinks their canoe.  Either way!

sam: So, you must have deeper issues than those you wrote about?  I mean, 82×82 vs 80×100?  square vs rectangle picture cropping?

e: Deep seated emotional issues that have torn me to the core!  *cries*
*grin*  I’m a geek. We’re picky people.

sam: well, I don’t know which of us would lose a geeky contest.  I’m pretty geeky.

e: Either way, I polled my friends and readers who have been using the site more than I have and we have some questions.  Some burning, some not-so burning.

sam: Ok, I’d love to hear them!  I also want to start with a bit of a conceptual vision that I have for the site.  I think it will perhaps give my answers context.

Sam’s Vision for OkCupid

sam: Offline dating is a social, group activity.  If you want to go out to pick up guys, you’re going to call up your girlfriends and go out together.  You’d rarely decide to go hunting alone.  Traditional online dating is quite the reverse.   In the 13 years since match.com launched, I’ve never once had a friend ask me to join match with him.  Sure, sometimes I’ll look over his shoulder and look at pictures, but in general traditional dating is a lonely proposition.

So, we said, the match model is wrong.  Dating should not be like a job fair where everyone walks around with an impersonal resume in business attire, nor should it be like a zoo, where you walk through the paths looking at people in their little profile cages.

What if online dating were social, if it had all the context & distractions of a bar or party or workplace — or any real life interaction where you might meet someone new and actually learn something about him or her by observing their interactions, their mannerisms, their subtle clues that are so informative about their personalities.

A lot of the things you seem to really hate have parallels to the real world that provide little golden nuggets of insight.

Airing Dirty Underwear

e: It’s definitely a matter of personal taste whether you prefer the zoo approach or the party approach!  One of my problems is that the okcupid system seems to involve information on your profile that normally you might not share right away.

In essence, you have friends that you tidy your apartment up for, and you have close friends who have seen you at your worst and don’t bat an eye when your underwear is on the floor of your living room.

sam: Let’s dive into this.

e: A lot of the profiles (most of the ones that I encountered) had quite a bit of TMI on them…. (And some of that TMI was as a result of the user-created surveys)

sam: there are three pieces of possible info

1. your open-ended responses — totally in your control
2. your answers to match questions — never revealed unless you say to
3. results to user created tests — appear by default, but deletable.  (Most people know these are NOT scientifically accurate and are all in fun)

If you’re saying that some OkCupid users put TMI in their profile, then:

a) many don’t
b) a bunch of profiles on other sites have TMI too

…so it’s not clear where that gets us.

Social Networking, Dating, and… Ebay?

e: So are you a dating site with a social networking component or a social networking site with a dating component? 50/50?

sam: Neither.  I think social networking and dating are opposite concepts.  Facebook relies on your pre-existing, offline relationships.  Try using FB with no friends.

e: That would be pretty sad

sam: Dating is more like eBay, it relies on having an awesome marketplace with great search/sorting — you’re trying to find someone you don’t even know you’re looking for.  That said, as with the bar analogy I started with, we try to be a fun, engaging, social dating site — we try to model offline dating.

e: So has the community evolved as you originally envisioned it or have there been things that have surprised you?

sam: Well, it’s such an organic, dynamic thing; of course it didn’t go as expected…but I can’t say I’m shocked with where we are.

e’s Failure at OkCupid

e: I did use the site (along with Match, Plenty of Fish, Yahoo, etc etc) at one point, and even though I did a bazillion questions, I found that the people I had the highest match % for were not people I had any interest in….  and some of the people who I found and dated through match that were somewhat compatible were much lower %…. can you fill me in on some of the math behind the matching system?

sam: So you met people?  Or just based on their profiles?  Interesting.  You found their personalities were not what you were looking for?

e: Pretty much!

sam: Well, I dont think any site has figured out chemistry.  So, here’s what I encourage you to do.  Go to OkC and sort your match results by Enemy percentage.  It’s not that the #1 person is best, it’s that we can say you’re more likely to find compatible people in this group over here (over, say, 70% match) rather than over here (say, below 30%)

e: *nods* true, true.

sam: So you had more successful dates on M, Y, and POF than OkC?

e: Match.com has been very good to me.  I have my very own geekboy code monkey

sam: Awesome!  I bet OkC is quite geekier, on average.  Real geeks don’t pay for online dating

e: ha!  You gonna let that go to print?   I can make that the subject line.

sam: sure

Frequent Geek Guy Complaint:  Girls Don’t Reply to Emails

sam: Bring on more questions.  I’m waiting for something worthy of producing such bile.

e: awww

So here’s something that my clients and friends always complain about … and it’s not related just to your site.   It’s something that should you find a way to implement it would make guys (my main audience) very very happy.

sam: ok?

e: Girls don’t reply to emails.   That’s the #1 complaint I hear.    Would there be any way of implementing some sort of reward system for replying to introductory emails? Even if it’s to say “Thanks, no thanks”.

sam: You know why that is on Match, of course

e: The button is there, but not many girls are using it.

sam: And on OkCupid, we do that.
sam: No, the problem is that on match they don’t differentiate the paying vs the non-paying profiles.  So they have 1.3 million subscribers and advertise  15 million profiles.  Let’s be generous and assume that 20% of profiles are subscribers (mostly men).  If you’re a guy and you send 10 messages.  Eight can’t reply without paying; two can of the eight, how many really are going to pay $30 to reply to an email — no matter how awesome the guy is? One?  And of the two who can reply for free — maybe 50% reply? So you send 10 and get 2 responses, which seems crappy, but really is pretty great.

Match wants you to email non-subscribers — why?  Because that’s how people convert. 

e: The odds are against you.  From what my clients are telling me, the email reply ratio isn’t much better on any of the free sites. Which, compared to Plenty of Fish, you guys are gods.

sam: On okcupid you have a “first reply ratio.  You’re scored by that.  You can see how often people reply to first contact attempts.

sam: Well, PoF is in the business of selling leads to the subscription sites.

sam: So, that’s obvious.

e: Good to know, so you can avoid people who tend not to reply back.

For the Childfree

e: One of my readers wanted to know if there was a surefire way to sort for people with no kids (and no interest in kids).  He says he keeps getting women with kids as matches.

sam: Nope.  That tends to come out in the match questions. but that’s not a filter that’s often requested.

e: Interesting.  So it’s just something to click Mandatory on for the questions and hope for the best?

sam: yep

For The Math Geeks

e: For my math geek readers, is there a place somewhere on the site where they can get a glimpse into the math behind the matching system?

sam: http://www.okcupid.com/static?p=faaaq

For The Code Monkeys

e: My programmer geeks have asked me to ask this, so here goes:  Why C++?  (I personally will not understand the answer to this question, but they want to know.)

sam: The average OkCupid user answers 233 match questions.  Now say you want to compute match percentages for you and 10,000 other people, that’s a lot of computation — good luck doing that in some interpreted language.

Free Dating Sites

e: I think that the industry is starting to move towards free dating sites.  Is there anything your team is working on to make okcupid stand out among the options out there?

sam: Well, there are only two sites on the free side that matter right now.  I assume you agree?

e: pretty much.

sam: what would the third even be?

e: Tho I’m sure there will be copycats out there, especially since POF has gotten so much press.

sam: sure

sam: If you asked 10 of your clients to rate their experience using PoF and OkC, what percent would favor each?

e: It’s been about 50/50, depending on the age group.  The younger (under 30s) tend to prefer OkC.

sam: Interesting.  Very different from the data we see in focus groups, but hey, that’s cool.

e: I’m also living in a little niche of geek boys.

sam: So, i think new dating sites will find that it’s very hard to bootstrap and get big.  PoF spends millions in marketing.

e: and their website is awful ;p

sam: You said your clients love it!

e: Some of them do.  I don’t.

sam: And you don’t like us.

e: I just haven’t gotten around to writing a rant on it yet

sam: better hang on to your boy

e: They love the free, hate the look/usability of POF.

sam: ok.  And they hate our look/usability?

e: There are folks who love it, and that’s cool if it works for them.  I’m actually going to be hiring an asst. dreamgirl to write okc and pof profiles for me.

e: Any thoughts on match.com’s new free service, downtoearth?

sam: It validates that free dating is legit.   Let’s see how it grows.

e: With the economy how it is, it’s definitely reassuring to know there are places out there to meet people that are free.  Anything else you’d like to mention to my readers?  Otherwise, I’ll let you get back to things.

sam: I think we got it all.  Dating should be fun.  You shouldn’t have to pay for it.  And the site’s UI shouldn’t make you feel dirty.

e: Thanks for spending time with a lil’ ol’ geek love blogger. 

sam: let me know when you post the next chapter of your your okcupid-hating rant 

e: Hey, I may change my tune.
e: Maybe that’s why I agreed to talk to you

sam: I’ll believe it when I see it!

e: *grin*  You’ll have to wait, I guess!  Have a good weekend.

sam: you too

Post-Interview Thoughts

Sam was definitely on the defensive, but I can’t blame him.  After all, I did kind of skewer his site in September.   To be fair, I did offer advice for people who were using it as their main dating service.   I do profile re-writes for OkCupid users.  They’re not on my black list, just not necessarily preferred.

Getting a chance to talk to Sam was definitely enlightening and I have to say that I will turn a kinder eye to OkCupid in the future.   I still think that my advice applies (steer clear of airing your dirty laundry or taking quizzes that may label you in a way you wouldn’t like to advertise).

However, looking at OkCupid as the online way of encountering someone the way we might in the real world has opened my mind.  While for myself, I prefer the “zoo” of match.com and its profiles in “cages”, I will definitely be keeping OkCupid in mind for my clients who have different needs.

Have I seen the light?  Maybe a little.

I, for one, am intrigued… let’s take a look!

Why The Switch?

Paid Sites Are Becoming Obsolete…

I think match.com is starting to realize that paid dating sites are becoming obsolete.   Most people are thinking, “Why should I pay $xx.xx a month if I can go to Plenty of Fish or OkCupid and get the same thing for free?”

Nothing Is “Free”

My first trip to DownToEarth to check it out shows a good deal of Adsense boxes.   On the home page, there’s a banner at the top, one at the bottom, and an Adsense square on the left side.  No matter what page you’re on, you will see ads.

At the moment, these ads aren’t going to generate much revenue, but if DownToEarth pulls the same kind of traffic that the other free dating sites do, those nickels and dimes could add up to some big profit.

The “Partners” page is another money grubbing opportunity.  It lists other online dating services, including… oh gee!  affiliate links.

What’s Good About It

• Free for you.
• There could be an exodus of people from paid services to test out this one.
• People who gave up on the existing sites may come back to try this one out (aka: new faces!).
• Nice interface (way nicer than Plenty Of Fish or OkCupid in my opinion!!).
• Ability to rate the truthfulness of people’s profiles once you’ve been communicating/meeting them.   A system called RealRatings allows users to rate other users’ profiles.   Supposedly, this will keep girls from putting up their skinny pictures and guys from putting up their pre-balding pictures.

So What’s The Catch, E?

From what I can tell at first glance, the biggest catch here is the EXTREMELY limited search functionality.    Your only options to search are by sexual orientation, age, distance from you, and pictures/no pictures.

If this site gets as big as they hope it’s going to get, finding a match will be the proverbial needle in a haystack problem.

But perhaps that’s what they want… remember the Partners page?  Here’s what DownToEarth says about its partners:

Finding the right one can require exploring more than one location. We understand this and have done the footwork to find other websites that could help you in your pursuit. We are constantly building new partnerships to give our community the best tools to find that special someone.

Translation?  “You probably won’t find love here, but if you click these links, we’ll make some money wherever you go after ditching us!“

My advice? Stay where you are.  This isn’t worth jumping ship from your current service.

DownToEarth.com