Welcome to 2012, everyone!

When you’ve read as many dating profiles as I have, you start to notice patterns. Whether it’s writing about your ex, being negative, starting every sentence with “I”, or not giving your audience any reason to write you, I think I’ve covered a lot of them in the past. (If you’re new, click on Geek Dating Advice and take a surf through the archives!)

But I missed this one!

A Good Example

Let’s look at an example of good web design. I’m going to be a little self-serving here and show off the skills of the designerds at my day job, ThinkGeek.  Here’s a screenshot of a product page:

Notice a few things, which I’ve numbered:

1. Photos & Video
2. Headline & top 3 things about the product
3. Social Media sharing
4. Customer Action Shots (social proof)
5. Price / Buy Now / Wishlist / Facebook Like (more social proof)

What do all of things have in common? It’s the secret that’s going to help your dating profile!

Location, Location, Location

All of these things appear above the fold.

Depending on your monitor, your fold-age may vary, but the important thing to realize is that when people read on the internet, they want to see something right when the page loads that catches their attention and holds it. Otherwise, they click away.

Web folks call this the “Bounce Rate.” These are folks who click into your site and instead of doing what you want (staying & interacting), they click away to go elsewhere. Having a high bounce rate means that something is wrong with your website. It’s not sticky enough. It could be your design, your content, or a combination of the two.

How Sticky Is Your Profile?

Let’s take a look at what above the fold looks like for two popular dating sites, OkCupid (free) and Match (paid).

OkCupid Profile

Your main photo and Self-Summary are the first things  people will see. If your Self-Summary is short, folks may see the What I’m Doing With My Life section (or if you leave things blank, whatever the next thing you filled in is).

What This Means

For a sticky OkCupid profile, you need:

• A great default photo. The math nerds at OkCupid have crunched the numbers and given some advice on that on their blog.
• A super self-summary. Most profiles have never been revised or edited. They start weak because you’re not sure what to say about yourself and as you keep writing, you hit your stride and by the end, it’s pretty good. Problem is, you never go back to fix the beginning, so it stays boring and wishy-washy. Start your profile with a bang! How about short, funny anecdote? Maybe something weird that you like to do: My dating profile started out by admitting I like to ride my shopping cart in the parking lot of the grocery store.
• Keep up the pace! Once you’ve gotten someone to read your self-summary, keep up the great writing! Need help? I can advise you on profile improvements, edit your profile, or write one for you from scratch.

Match.com Profile

I really don’t like Match.com’s new UI, but that’s a story for another post. (Note to self: Write another post!)

Like OkCupid, your main photo is prominently displayed above the fold. So is your headline, although it’s in a tiny font on a fairly dark background.

What This Means

For a sticky Match.com profile, you need:

• A great default photo. The advice of OkCupid’s math nerds still applies here.
• Additional photos. I recommend clients to have at least 4 photos, and for Match’s profile format, you really need those extra shots to give folks a place to click. Since all your photos are available before a match sees your written profile, choose your photos with care. They are your first impression.
• A snappy headline. It is a little lost in the blue sea, but it’s the only thing above the fold that’s in your own words. Make it count. Movie quotes work great here!
• Activity & Interests: Notice the white boxes below the photos. These are populated by matching the checkboxes you selected for your interests with those of your potential match. Be sure to check off at least a few things that interest you. It also lets matches know if you’ve uploaded a new photo. Rotating photos in and out of your profile every couple weeks will keep you flagged as having “new” photos.

Once you’ve gotten someone interested enough to scroll down, remember that those first few lines of your written profile count! Make them interesting so your match will scroll back up and click “Email Him/Her.”

How About You?

Got questions about how to improve the stickiness of your profile? Take a screenshot of what your profile looks like above the fold and link it in a comment below. I’ll give pointers to anyone who posts here by Friday 1/6/12.

Surely, there’s a catch.

The good news is that more often than not, there’s not. There are millions of good singles out there on online dating sites and they’re just like you.

But there are spammers and scammers too. Luckily, the fine people of the internet are here to help you out fake profiles with a cool free resource called TinEye.

What Is TinEye?

TinEye is a reverse image search engine. In a regular search engine, you type “Los Angeles skyline” and you get a bunch of photos of the Los Angeles skyline. For TinEye, you upload a picture you found of the Los Angeles skyline and it will tell you what other websites are using that picture.

Or, if you found a picture online, you can paste the URL of that photo into TinEye and it will tell you what other websites are using that same picture.

Let’s Make A Fake!

For experimental purposes, I went into Google and looked for photos of Olivia Munn. I didn’t choose the most glamorous shots of her because those would be too obvious. A good scammer would know to choose more candid shots, perhaps ones of her off set or at a convention.

Here are the three photos of Olivia that I chose:

For each photo, I cropped out any watermarks present at the bottom (since obviously a scammer wouldn’t leave those there either!).

I uploaded each to TinEye to see how it would do…

The first two photos came up with no results.

The bikini shot did, however:

The Final Word

While a service like TinEye is by no means perfect, it’s a valuable tool if you’re feeling iffy about someone’s online dating profile. You may find a faux celebrity, a random picture off Google, or even a stock image being used in a scammer’s profile. Or if you’re lucky, you find the person’s Picasa album with lots of other photos of them, their family, and other warm fuzzies. We’ll hope for the latter!

Happy dating, geek friends.

Get out your eraser (aka backspace key!)

There’s something in your dating profile that is sending your potential matches running for the hills… or is there?

If your dating profile is under-performing (lots of views but very few winks and emails), do a quick check to see if you’ve made one of these easy-to-fix mistakes:

Inappropriate or Confusing Photos

Gentlemen, no matter how buff you are, a shirtless photo is never the way to go. (Ladies, unless you’re on an adult dating site, shirtless photos are out for you, too.)  If you have a photo where you’re at the beach and you think your face looks awesome, find the original hi-res photo and crop it so only your face is showing. Problem solved!

For everyone, keep your photos to the most recent pictures you have of yourself. This goes double-triple-OMG-quadruple if you’ve changed your appearance significantly through weight gain or loss, or drastic changes in your hair color or style.

It is tempting to keep the photos of you ten pounds lighter on your profile, but it’s just going to cause problems when you meet dates in person and they’re shocked by your current appearance. (Ever meet up with a friend you haven’t seen in a while who has gained weight? You really notice it because it doesn’t match the memory of the person in your head. Ten pounds DOES make a difference. Keep the pictures current.)

Guys, if you used to sport a beard a few months ago but now you don’t, try to keep your photos to mostly the current look. It helps to add a line in your profile (or in the captions of your pictures, if your site offers that feature) that mentions your current facial hair situation.

Unpossibly Failing English

While we all take liberties with spelling and grammar while IMing with our friends or trying to squeeze a few extra characters into a tweet, your dating profile is a place to treat the language with respect.

Put your profile through your favorite spelling & grammar checker, even if that’s your mom. Having a well-written profile shows that you’re putting your best effort into your dating life. It bodes well for future things!

If you know what you want to say, but not how to say it, our Silver Package is the thing for you. Chat one-on-one with one of our dating coaches for an hour and we’ll craft a unique and magnetic dating profile that’ll make you shine. Click to check it out.

Being Boring (Even Though You’re Far From It)

There’s nothing more of a buzzkill than seeing a profile that features pictures of an adorable person but text that makes me feel like I’m reading the side of a cereal box.

“I don’t know what to write here. I like my job (most of the time). On weekends, I hang with my friends. My coworkers say I should try online dating to find someone, so here I am. Email me if you want to learn more.”

Do you know what you’ve just done? You’ve asked someone to do work to get to know you, rather than being open and offering some details about yourself. Why should they email you if the next profile they read clearly lists the type of activities and interests that pique their interests? I mean, they could email you, but find out you’re not interesting. Waste of time. We’re all short on time, so make sure your profile gives some specifics about what you’re all about.

Going Overboard

Here’s the flip side of being boring. Just because a dating profile will let you write 500 words doesn’t mean you need to write 500 words. In fact, the best dating profiles out there are exactly two paragraphs long.  Think of your dating profile like the back cover of a book or a movie trailer; it should have just enough information to reel someone in, not enough to give away the whole story.  After all, you need things to discuss on your dates!

Have Questions?

Wondering if something is appropriate for your dating profile? Leave a comment and I’ll give you my professional opinion. I can’t critique whole profiles in the comments, but I’m always up for some quick advice-giving!

After You Comment, GO AWAY!

No really. Check out my guest post on Cupid’s Pulse, where I give you some tips on how to write a profile that doesn’t sound like the back of a cereal box.

Happy Black Friday, geek friends!

For THIS WEEKEND ONLY, use code ONYX2010 to get $25 off the Silver Package or code EBONY2010 for $100 off the Gold Package.

• Click here for details on the Silver Package and to order.
• Click here for details on our Gold Package and to order.

Not ready for a whole dating profile?

Just want to dip your toe in the water and get some exclusive dating tips & tricks delivered to your inbox once a month?

Use code OBSIDIAN2010 to get half off lifetime membership in the Geek Monthly Matchmaking Mailer (GeekMMM).

• Click here for details on GeekMMM and to sign up.

(Note: The Silver & Gold Packages come with GeekMMM free; don’t order both!)

Current GeekMMMers – The Thanksgiving newsletter will be sent out after the weekend, once all our new singles have joined!

Our Black Friday sale has the deepest discounts we offer all year. You can even buy now and wait to use it after the holidays. We know the rest of 2010 is busy for you, so reserve your spot now at these deep discounts and name the day you’d like us to ping you and get started on your amazing 2011 dating profile.

These deals expire at 11:59 pm EST on Cyber Monday (11/29/10).

But when the folks at Geeks Are Sexy posted this picture on their Facebook Fan page, the first comment was from a girl mocking the girl in the photo for having a hairy belly. This was followed by folks either saying they didn’t see it (or didn’t care!), or people (mostly women) having a laugh at the model’s expense.

Really, people?

Girls, Seriously, Grow the Hell Up

Do you know how closely you have to zoom into that photo to see the tiny bit of fuzz on her belly? Yeah, she’s got a happy trail, but most women (especially brunettes) do. Whether you shave, pluck, bleach or wax yours is your business.  This girl obviously decided hers wasn’t dark enough to bother with – and judging by the ring on her left hand, her husband agrees.

Women have this horrible habit of picking out every little flaw in other women – especially women that threaten them in some way. May the gods forbid a woman who is hotter than you enter the scene!  Even if she’s just a nameless stranger on the internet, you’re obligated to point and laugh at her flaws – even if they’re so tiny that they don’t matter.

It worked to make you feel better about yourself in middle school – but you’re an adult now. How about growing up and admitting that the girl is hot and if you happened to swing that way, you’d take her home?

…and here’s a hint, single ladies. Men think it’s sexy when you can admire a hottie with them. It says that you’re confident enough in yourself to be able to appreciate the beauty of other women. (It also fuels their fantasies that you may one day agree to a threesome, but I think that’s an article for Y to write.) Either way, if you point out and admire other women, your guy will not run off with them. He’ll find YOU more sexy.

Guys, You’re Not Off The Hook

While the majority of critics of this girl’s photo were women, guys aren’t innocent of these super-high standards.  Here’s another internet example that actually ties into someone I know in real life.  One of my ex’s college buddies is in the 501st. (For those not in the know, these are the folks who dress up like stormtroopers for cons and parades and such.)

She is totally sexy – perfectly sculpted body (she’s a personal trainer), beautiful long blonde hair, pretty face. (And sorry guys, she is very happily married.)

But yet, somebody made this “motivational poster” using a photo of her from a convention:

Here’s a closer version of the original photo:

…I’m having a hard time figuring out what is wrong with these ladies to cause someone to make such a rude comment in the “motivational poster” version.

Another Example Of Doin’ It Wrong

There’s a single guy I know: he’s got a decent personality (a tad annoying, but a nice person) but his idea of fashion includes various sweatpants and t-shirts, accessorized with dingy tube socks and sneakers. He’s constantly going on about how he can’t find a woman to date, but whenever single women are around, he’s picking them apart and saying they’re not “pretty enough” for him. They can be smart, sweet, save puppies from burning buildings, and everything else, but he’s not interested in them if they don’t meet his impossible standard of “pretty enough.”

Know a guy like that? I’ll bet you do.  (I’ll bet a few people reading this are that guy.)

Here’s my theory (and yep, it’s gonna hurt a bit, brace for it):

When you can’t get any woman,

it’s easier to pretend that

none of them are good enough for you.

Coping With Being Single The Right Way

Being single can suck.  But resorting to schoolyard style put-downs of everyone in the world doesn’t do anything except make you look more unattractive.  If you’re constantly picking apart and making fun of women you see when you’re out with friends, do you know what your friends are thinking?

“I wonder what s/he says about me when I’m not around.”

And when your friends can’t trust you to not be putting them down behind their backs, how can they in good conscience recommend that their single friends date you?

Kick the habit:

1. Before you open your mouth to say something about a person, think “Is this comment for MY benefit? Am I going for a laugh here?” If the answer is yes, keep it to yourself.
2. Make a point to compliment at least 3 different people to their face every day. Even if it’s just to say that a coworker’s home-cooked lunch smells delicious. Get addicted to making people smile for positive reasons.
3. If you’re online dating, resist the urge to make snap judgments about someone based on 2-3 pictures.  The glow of someone’s energy is extremely hard to capture on film, especially by amateur photographers. Give more people a chance.

Changing your attitude will change your world. Happy dating, geek friends.

I have been on the online dating thing for 3 years now. I’ve been a member of most of the well-known ones… nothing. I got professional photos done, had friends tweak my profiles… nothing. I email guys I don’t really like and still… nothing. If you’re not a “dating site” can you tell me where you would recommend I try? been on gk2gk, match.com, datehookup.com, mature singles.com, friendfinder.com, matchmaker.com, singlesnet.com, plenty of fish.com. I need hope…

- Hope for the Hopeless (F, straight)

E answers:

Dear Hope,

It hurts me to read your letter. When you feel that you’ve tried everything (including emailing people you don’t even really LIKE that much) and you still don’t get results, you start to think that there’s something wrong with YOU – that for some reason, you’re undateable, undesirable, unwanted.

Rest assured that this is far from the truth.

How’s That Workin’ For Ya?

As much as the Dr. Phil show is a train wreck, his famous question “how’s that workin’ for ya?” works so well in this situation.  You’ve established that what you’re doing on your dating site isn’t working, so you tried several others.  Undoubtedly, you are making the same mistake on those sites to be getting the same results.

The Good News

You’ve made some good steps, Hope.  You got professional photos taken, which means your photos are recent and as good as they’ll ever be!  (Which is more than 98% of online daters can say!) You’ve also enlisted the help of your friends to tweak your dating profile.  This is also a great thing to do – even if you aren’t having troubles.

The Bad News

Somewhere in your system is a bug. Much like a computer techie, unless I can see the system in action, it’s hard for me to tell you exactly where your bug is.  Judging from the variety of dating sites you’ve tried, your problem isn’t the site.  Going to a new dating site isn’t going to garner new results.

Based on the amount of editing I had to do to your original email before posting it here, I do have one piece of advice:  You are going to want to run your profile and all emails through a spelling & grammar check before sending them.

Don’t fret – we’re not all good at writing.  This is why the gods invented word processing programs with spelling and grammar check built-in.  The fact is, even though many people aren’t great writers, they still are turned off by poor spelling and grammar.  It sends a message that you aren’t very bright (even if you are!).

Beyond That…

Beyond that suggestion, Hope, I can’t say with any certainty what is going wrong with your online dating adventure without looking at both your profile and the emails you’re sending to the men who interest you.

You could be waving red flags in your profile or email that are turning men off.  You could be emailing the wrong kind of men entirely.  Your searches could be missing the kind of men who would be perfect for you.  There are so many things that you could be doing – without even realizing it – that I can’t accurately identify the bug unless I can see the whole system at work.

Here are your options:

1. Read the totally free Geek’s Guide to Success in Online Dating, especially the sections about profiles and emails.  You may stumble across something there that gives you a light bulb moment!
2. As much as I hate to sound self-promoting, the Plastic d20 Package offers a profile critique that will get to the bottom of your profile problems and give you an action plan for fixing them.  Add on the 30 minute IM consult and we’ll give you tips on writing better emails as well!
3. The Silver d20 Package is a full dating profile re-write, one hour of coaching time, plus free membership in GeekMMM, our dating advice newsletter and geek matchmaking service.

There’s hope, Hope.  We just need to dig a little deeper to root out the bug in your dating system.