I’m a straight male with a submission fetish. Ideally, I’d like to find a lady who’s willing to explore it with me, but it seems a bit tawdry to put on my OKCupid page, for example. Do I just need to roll the dice and wait to get to know my dates before asking them if they’d be cool with it? Or is there a way I can be more upfront about it without it being an utter turnoff?

- Fetish Guy

Dear Fetish Guy,

I’d like to begin by commending you on your ability to state your game and have no qualms with doing so. As progressed as our society has become, I fear we are still in a sexual dark age. While it is mostly frowned upon to parade around in full-body latex, wield a riding crop and punish a very bad boy for not saying “please mistress,” it is generally not seen as a terrible thing to have some sort of fetish. Particularly control based fetishes, which are fairly common. Believe me when I say: you are not alone!

It is the submissive that has the true power; for he is the one saying “dominate me.”

Writing an online profile is often a daunting task (believe us, we do it for a living). We recognize it is the first impression we make and are often afraid to scare people off by admitting something as “weird” as a fetish.

However, there’s nothing keeping you from making two first impressions. While I don’t believe that your fetish is too “tawdry” for OKCupid of all places, if you feel that you must keep this part of yourself separate, why not have a second profile? You could even make one without a photo, saying that you would gladly share it with a Domme who asks.

You can also seek out dating sites that are tailored to less “mainstream” tastes. There are plenty of adult dating sites, both national and regional, to choose from. I’ve been active on several and have made some good friends through them.

Whether or not you are upfront about your secret desires, there is always the risk that the relationship is not going to work out, even if you find your domina. Begin by asking yourself what it is you really want. If you just want to explore your fetish with no strings attached, then put it on your profile. If you want a lasting relationship, one way or another, you need to find a partner who is good, game, giving and therefore willing to explore with you.

Happy hunting!

Have a question for Sometimes Y? Submit it anonymously through our Contact Us page. Click here.

Maybe someone who could write your profile, search for matches for you, help you write those pesky first contact emails, tell you exactly what to reply and when to pop the “how about dinner?” question…

Wouldn’t that be awesome?

We’re nearly to the year MMX, and I wanted to give out a very special prize to one lucky geek as a way of saying THANK YOU for all the fun and fellowship we’ve had in 2009.

Gold d20 Package – worth $249

The Gold d20 Package is a 30 day service package, which includes:

• The Works Profile Creation
• Photo Critique
• Weekly coaching sessions via IMs/email
• “Freshen Up” profile edits
• We find matches for you every week!
• We’ll help you write emails to your matches – 40 first contact emails and unlimited replies to emails you receive during your 30 days.
• Free membership in GeekMMM!

There’s one catch…

You must be a member of GeekMMM to win.

What’s GeekMMM?

• It’s short for the Geek Monthly Matchmaking Mailer!
• Every month you get a newsletter with dating advice that is exclusive to GeekMMM members.
• Every month 2-4 members are featured as Geeks of the Month. You can email them if you find them interesting and perhaps strike up a geek love connection!
• “Office Hours” in our private, members-only chat room with E and/or J to get help with your dating profile, advice about your relationships, or anything you’d like.
• As our list of geek grows, I’ll be able to match you up with other single geeks in your area for friendship and possibly more!

More Info

• About the Gold d20 Package - everything you’d want to know about the awesome prize you could win!
• About GeekMMM – everything you’d want to know about GeekMMM, which you seriously should be a part of anyway! It’s a prize in itself!

To Win

Be registered for GeekMMM before 2010 arrives for the east coast of the USA. A winner will be rolled for using random.org and matched with their number in the GeekMMM database. The winner will be contacted via their GeekMMM email and announced on the blog in early 2010.

Already a member? Awesome, you’re entered. Sit back and enjoy your holidays.

Not a member yet? Better get on it!

Good luck!

(This is coming from a geek who occasionally suffers from low self-esteem!  Trust me!)

However, there are a lot of good reasons to check out your online dating competition, so if you can make the DC on testicular fortitude, you can use the information you glean to your advantage!

Chip and Dale – Who Are They?

When you start surfing through the profiles of the other men who are similar to you, you’ll start to notice that they all read the same.   In my business, I read an ungodly amount of online dating profiles.  After a while, they all blend together into one big lump of…

Boring.

Seriously.  And you’ve probably noticed this too, guys.  The more profiles of women you read, the more they all seem the same.   Was she the one who just graduated or the one who was going back to school for her Master’s?  Did she want two kids or three?  Was she the one who enjoyed evenings out or movies on the couch?

It’s the same way on our side of things.   You’re an individual… just like everyone else.   When you start seeing the themes that are repeated over and over and over again in the profiles of your competition, you can cross that line out of your profile.   It’ll free up room for something more unique!

For example, you want your potential dates to know you love animals.  But upon scoping out the competition, a lot of them are mentioning their pets.

• Chip:  “Every morning, I take a run with my dog, Boomer.”
• Dale:  “I have two cats who keep me entertained while I’m painting.”

That’s all well and good – so how do you stand out in the crowd of animal lovers?  By telling a story that’s uniquely you!

• You:  “I thought it would be fun to teach my cat to talk.  It was great until he started roaming the halls of my house at 3 am quietly repeating ‘hewwo?’  FYI – cats sound an awful lot like ghosts.”

Now you’re not only an animal lover, you’re that guy with the talking cat who sits up in his bed at 3 am wondering if ghosts are roaming the halls of his house.  How’s that for unique and interesting?

(By the way, that story is based on truth.  One of my furbabies, Mr. Peanut, has quiet the vocabulary.  He says “Mama,” “Awwo?,” and the perfect apathetic cat word – “Meh.”)

Is this you?

• You thrive in competitive environments – you love to win!
• You have the self-esteem to realize that it doesn’t matter how handsome and ripped these other guys are, you have qualities that make you worth dating.
• You love research, especially when the end result is you getting something you want.

Yes? Then scope away!  You’ll learn quite a bit on what those other guys are saying and how to make your own profile less boring.

Boost Yourself to The Top:

There are some great ways to make your profile the one that they remember – and the one they ACT ON and email.  I’d be glad to help make your profile into the one you deserve – the profile that gets the clicks and the emails.

Want to Share?

Have you checked out your competition and made changes to your profile based on what you discovered?

In today’s post, why that’s a horrible, horrible idea.  For the sequel, how scoping out the competition can help you!

So you’ve done it… you’ve taken whatever steps necessary to keep the other dudes from noticing you’re scoping them out (on match.com, that involves hiding your profile temporarily).

You find your profile, you click on “more like him“… and you get a listing of guys who are freakin’ Chippendales.  (And straight to boot!)

Shoot!  No wonder you’re getting zero emails… compared to these guys, you look more like this…

How can you compete with those studs?  Your suckitude knows no bounds.  You’re boring, you’re ugly, you smell vaguely of nerd whiff.  No woman would ever think about looking at you, nevermind wanting to date you, and the idea of having sex with one?  Yeah, better get that out of your head.  There’s no way you’d compete with Chip and Dale there.

So you figure, “Maybe they’re all looks but no substance!  They can’t be as smart and well-rounded as me!“

Click.

• Chip is the CFO of a small but influential local business.  He enjoys golf, ballroom dancing, and grilling his own steaks.  His dream?  To find a woman who loves Dancing With The Stars and a good t-bone.
• Dale is an artist, but not the starving type.  His recent collection of paintings has taken the local art world by storm and he’s already sold one to Donald Trump.  Oh, and he’s dying to get married and have at least 3 kids.

Well, shit.   Now what?  You might as well give up on dating.  Actually, you might as well give up on just about everything because the beautiful, successful sexy people rule the world and you are not one of them.

You’re either laughing because the past few paragraphs read exactly like your train of thought regarding dating or you got pissed that I would say such horrible things.

(If it’s the latter, please remove your tighty-whities from up your crack.  I don’t really think those things about you!)

This, my friends, is exactly why you shouldn’t scope out your “competition” on your online dating site.

Is this you?

• You’re already pretty upset about not getting many dates.
• You have a tendency to compare yourself to others (and you usually draw the conclusion that they’re better than you).
• You can throw a pretty mean pity party for one.

Yes, it’s you? Don’t scope out your competition.  I don’t want you to hurt yourself and trust me, you probably will if you check out the “more like him” list.

Boost your dating self-esteem:

• By chatting with friends or a dating coach (J and I are available for chat!).
• With a new dating profile that shows you in the best light possible!  We really know how to make geeks shine (and it has nothing to do if you have Chippendale physique or a six-figure job).

No? You may benefit from scoping them out.  Stay tuned for the next post to see why it could help you.

Want to Share?

Did you scope out your competition and regret it?

(She’d be even happier if there were grandbabies on the way, but let’s not rush things.)

For Mother’s Day Weekend, May 8-10, 2010 use code ILOVEMYMOM to get 30% off any Geek’s Dream Girl service.

Already have a profile? Get an E’s Big Three, Profile Critique, or The Works makeover.

New to online dating? With 30% off, now’s the time to get The Works profile creation or jump on the two remaining May spots for Digital WingGirl.

The sale ends on May 10th, 2010 at 11:59 pm.

If there’s nothing that makes Mom happier than seeing her son blissfully attached, it’s seeing her son save money!  Make Mom’s day and take that first step toward the love of your life.  Now is the best time!

Click here to begin.

Since you don’t always have time to check on both places, here’s a list of some of my recent articles.  If they interest you, click on through!

• Sorry ladies, but most men are nothing like Ashton Kutcher
• Keeping all your online dating Easter eggs in one basket
• JDate offers free memberships in Mensch of the Month contest
• Online dating flourishes during times of recession
• eHarmony launches site for gay singles, Compatible Partners
• Plenty of fish in the sea, but blood in the water makes online dating sharks appear
• Find me the worst dating profiles you can and I’ll fix them
• Why online dating should never be your last resort
• Quick Fix: Inside jokes don’t belong in online dating profiles
• Putting all your Easter eggs in one dating email basket sometimes means you lose all your eggs
• Things you may not know about online dating: your timestamp matters
• Lindsay Lohan doing online dating with eHarmony
• Online dating for those who think penis size matters
• Niche dating sites: a big fish in a small, small pond
• Flirting 2.0 – It all starts with a Facebook poke
• Things you best not mention on a first date
• Why all single Asian women should be online dating
• The dreaded “M” word in your dating profile isn’t marriage
• Online dating makes more money than porn
• Survive the recession through online dating, loose morals, and sex

Interested in Being An Examiner?

Examiner just opened brand new editions in Austin, TX, Buffalo, NY, Cincinnati, OH,  Fort Worth, TX, Jacksonville, FL, Kansas City, MO, Lexington, KY, Memphis, TN, Oakland, CA, and San Antonio, TX.  Live near one of those?  Scoop up the good topics before they’re gone!

By the way, you can invent a topic if your favorite one isn’t listed.  In the RPG Blogger community we have:

• Ed Healy – Seattle Hobby Games Examiner
• Berin Kinsman – Phoenix RPG Examiner
• Michael Shorten -  Chicago Dungeons & Dragons Examiner

Click here to browse open positions and apply.  Don’t forget to say you know me!

The Daily Fix takes a small portion of a dating profile and fixes it up.  Essentially every day you’ll get a tiny way to make YOUR profile better.  I try to mix it up between women’s and men’s profiles and distribute amongst the age groups.

Here are some recent Daily Fix articles:

• Dating Profile Fix: Your Headline Is Not Witty, Sir.
• Dating Profile Fix: Bad Group Pictures with Blurry Friends
• Dating Profile Fix: You Like Walks On The Beach, Too?
• Dating Profile Fix: No Shoes, No Picture, No Love?
• Dating Profile Fix: Lying About Your Age

Don’t have time to check it out?  Subscribe to the feed and read it in your RSS reader or Google homepage.

Just another way that Geek’s Dream Girl is helping you be your very best, geek friends!  Happy dating!

But now, I’m ready for the world to see!  Go check out my new digs at OnlineDatingProfiler.com.  (You can WIN FREE SERVICES.  More on that later…)

Why the change?  What’s wrong with GDG?  What’s going to happen to GDG?  What’s this site going to offer?   Take a seat, get comfy, and let me introduce you…

It’s a Lovely Corner, But I’d Like to See Other Corners

When I started GDG, I was just one girl in a one bedroom apartment who thought it might be fun to help geeks find love and talk about my adventures playing D&D.   And boy howdy, it has been a blast!

What I never expected was how much the business end would grow.   As the new clients came piling in the door, I realized something.  They were 99% male and 80% geek.    I had done an excellent job branding my site… right into a very specific corner.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s a beautiful corner.  I will always have a soft spot for geeks.  I just realized that if I wanted to market to all the online daters of the world, I was going to need more gender-neutral digs.

Hence, OnlineDatingProfiler.

GDG vs. ODP

We’re not rival gangs!  Think of us as sister sites.

Geek’s Dream Girl will not change.  We will still be giving Geek Love advice and thoughts on whatever weirdness our Geek Lives have to offer.  You can still order services through the GDG site.  Use the code geeklove to get 10% off any service until the end of April.

Online Dating Profiler will be the official business site.  If you order a dating service through GDG, your receipt will be labeled Online Dating Profiler.   ODP has a blog for before & afters, success stories, and links to the buzz of the online dating world.   It also has an affiliate program open to any sites who would like to promote our services.

Online Dating Profiler offers:

• Dating Profile Critiques
• Dating Profile Editing
• Dating Profile Makeovers
• Online Dating Coaching via email
• Live Dating Coaching via chat
• First Contact Email Coaching
• Custom Search Services
• Digital WingGirl – the ultimate package for busy people!

Most importantly, we offer a Lifetime Matchmaking Guarantee.   If we ever get a new client who we feel would be a good match for you, we’ll send you an email and introduce you!  This guarantee applies to clients who choose the Profile Editing, The Works, or Digitial WingGirl services.

Previous clients of these services (including winners of the Profile Makeover Contest) – please email me.  I would love to add you to ODP’s client list so you can benefit from the guarantee.

Follow ODP on Twitter, Get Free Stuff

OnlineDatingProfiler is on Twitter as @onlinedatingpro.  (The ‘filer didn’t fit!)

Follow ODP and ODP will follow you.   As part of our launch, we will be giving away free services starting on Monday 3/23.

In order to win, you must be the 10th person to DM @onlinedatingpro when the call to enter is announced. Think of it like a radio station.  Be the 10th caller and get a prize!

Last But NEVER Least… A Shoutout to Harry and James

I have been lusting after a Men with Pens site for… well, ever since I discovered the Men when I first started blogging.

It was a schoolgirl crush. (Oh hell, it still is.)  Every time I saw them strutting through the intarwebs as arm candy for another blogger, a part of me kicked the nearest locker, sniffled, and thought, “I wish it could be ME!”

This crush was only strengthened when they went all rogue and slipped into GDG to shoot me (silly me, I left the place unlocked with an open invitation to enter).  I was shocked and pleased to come out alive – it rarely happens when the Pen Men visit.  They liked me, they really liked me!

When I realized that I needed to come out of my corner and market my services to all the fine people of the internet, I called upon the Men with Pens to bring on the magic.  They certainly brought it – and then some!  I couldn’t be happier with ODP’s design.

People always say you have to spend money to make money.  If you’re looking to make money from your blog, choose to spend money at Men with Pens before you go anywhere else.  I’m not an actor and this isn’t a paid endorsement.  I just like plugging good stuff, and MwP is amazing stuff.

Don’t Forget!

• Check out Online Dating Profiler.   Comment here and let us know how you like the new place!
• Follow us on Twitter:  e@geeksdreamgirl, j@jdreamgeek and ODP@onlinedatingpro.
• Invite all your single friends to follow ODP and stalk our Twitter starting on Monday 3/23 for your chance to win free stuff!
• Words cannot explain how much I love what I do.  *hugz* to all the geeks who have helped my life become what it is today.

His current profile is:

• Much shorter
• Includes information about his personality and background in the main body of the profile
• Asks TWO questions that potential matches could email him about
• Hints to the Tarzan bit without it being overwhelming

(Who else wants a great profile that will make women run TO you instead of away?  Click here!)

Joshua’s New Profile

Headline Idea 1: What do you think of leopard print?

Headline Idea 2: Lemon movie lover

About Me And Who I’m Looking For

One of my favorite things to do is watching bad movies.  Not flops, I mean the kind of movies that are so bad you’d have to be tied down and forced to watch them.  Remember Mystery Science Theater 3000?  I seek out lemon movies and make lemonade!  I’m an Army brat and have lived all over the country.  I’m fairly new to town here and haven’t really found any cool places besides the cool skull entrance at Vortex.  Do you know of some hot spots I should check out?

I’m looking for a girl who wants someone to share her life.  In the end, she wants to come home to someone who will listen to her day.  We’ll share a stack of blueberry pancakes, have deep (or even heated!) philosophical conversations, and fall asleep snuggled up on the couch while watching the rain pour down outside our window.  Sometimes, I wish things were as simple as Tarzan and Jane.  Do you think I’d look good in leopard print?

Welcome back to Joshua’s profile.  Tarzan’s treehouse is pretty rickety.   There are boards that look loose, nails sticking out everywhere, and I’m pretty sure that’s not the blood of an animal in that corner over there.

I know, you’re scared.  But we won’t learn anything unless we go in and really examine the crime scene.   Hold my hand…

(Want to avoid a crime scene for your dating profile?  I can help!)

The Scene…

About Me And Who I’m Looking For

ME tarzan. ME grab vine swing to Jane cave. ME, Jane go eat at local water hole. ME tell embarassing story of Tarzan’s loin cloth fall down in front of whole tribe. Jane laugh till water come out her nose. Tarzan laugh at Jane, till he breathe no more and is crying. Tarzan catch breath before Jane call Witchdoctor. Me, Jane go to special cave with light flicker on cave wall. IT not violent horror movie with lot blood everywhere, it love story no like what tazan enjoy, but he hope for a few quick shot of love or nudity. Him not very lucky. It only PG. Tarzan swing Jane back to her cave. Tarzan, hope he get asked in to cave, but not get his hope up too much. Tarzan make sneak play for kisses. Then go home with big smile on face.

Wow.  I am impressed with the ability to stay in character, but honestly, this story is wholly inappropriate for a personal ad.   Not to mention you’ve misspelled Tarzan towards the end.

I think all in all I am just seeking someone who is just after someone to share with in life.

Read this sentence out loud.   Yeah, exactly.

I would not like to date anyone who needs a boyfirend to validate who they are in this world. I guess i am after someone who doesnt need a boyfriend at all.

This part tells me that you’ve run into a lot of those girls or perhaps dated one.  There’s a better way to say this without saying it.  Stay tuned.

I just want someone to tell how bad life sucks, or how great life is, and listen to what they have to say about it. I need someone with a different point of view, but maybe not a completely oppostite stance. Maybe someone who can enlighten me about ME, and in this mean show me some new things new ideas, things i may not have considered and the like. I dont know.

This stream-of-consciousness writing is not doing anything for you other than making you seem really scatterbrained and wishy-washy.

I think i like the Tarzan/Jane stuff better. Yeah, Tarzan. I wish things were as simple as that. Seems lots of girls are after someone with a great sense of humor, but we all know that even the funniest guy has to also be good looking. I may just have to be funnier.

Self-deprecation works.  Sometimes.  Not here.  It’s a weak way to end and basically sends the girl right on to the next profile.